Dan Wilson Show

A rather long and drawn out post about religion

2012-01-28T14:41:00.000-08:00

I got an email from a friend recently asking for clarification on whether or not I still believed in God. She is going through some spiritual searching and was curious as to why I left the church and what that actually meant for me in terms of my beliefs.

I replied, and while my reply felt a little ... aggressive ... it was an honest outlining of my feelings. In short, I am unresolved on the question of divinity but I pretty firmly reject the concept of divinity as expressed by most people. Or, more concretely, I don't know if I believe in "God", but I probably don't believe in what you mean by "God."

Then, a few days later I was reading a short story that was set during a couple's honeymoon. The narrator was a recently pregnant "cultural Jew," and her husband was a rather strident atheist. The gist of the tale revolved largely around how the impending birth of a chile had raised significant questions about her cultural identity (which had no real theological component) and his militant attitudes about pretty much anything.

I was quite struck by both the overall exploration of ideology and identity, but also by the particular characterizations employed. On her side, she had something that she had somewhat passively accepted her entire life as a defining characteristic and deeply resented that it would be a problem for her husband. At the same time, she realized that the things she were holding on to had no real root in what she believed in and no actual intrinsic meaning. On the other hand, he had a very strong sense of justice, a clear intellectual foundation for his perspective, but was rude and arrogant about it. Two people who were right in lots of ways, struggling to come to terms with where they were being a bit blind.

Then, today, I was listening to KQED and they were having a debate about whether we are better off, culturally, with or without religion. The debate itself seemed a bit of a wash, and I was quite put off by the "Oxford style" of debate, which mostly seemed to involve cutting people off so that they felt compelled to talk faster and louder when they *did* have the mic.

Now, the conjunction of question, short story, and radio debate is purely coincidental, but it nevertheless has had me thinking about my current relationship to faith.

I'm not sure if I can express this any better than I did in my reply to my friend, but let me give it a try.

I believe that there is a possibility that some form of intelligence has acted to shape life and the universe as we know it... but find it highly unlikely. I am always wary of making absolute statements about things I don't have all the facts on, but the older I get the less sense it makes to subscribe to the idea of orchestrated creation.

I most certainly do not believe in an omnipotent and omniscient being whose primary concern is my personal well being and the state of my soul. I just can't make any heads or tails out of the logic of such a thing, and it seems to simply be a way for people to feel better about themselves. People need to feel special, and having God in their corner is a pretty damn good way to accomplish that feeling of specialness.

I also don't particularly think that "the universe" gives a shit about what you put out into it or not. I think that if you do good, and if you're on the lookout for good, and know how to recognize opportunities, and get out of the house once in a while... you have a greater likelihood of having positive experiences, or at least viewing your circumstances in a positive way.

I don't think that religion in and of itself is by its very nature good or bad. Great things have been done under the umbrella of religion and horrible things have been done. Great things have been done without the influence of religion, and horrible things have been done as well. To say that religion makes the world a better or worse place is just looking for a fight as far as I'm concerned.

I don't think that religion makes you inherently more racist or sexist or anything like that. I think that people use their belief in their god to justify anything and everything that they currently believe. Indeed, this is my biggest problem with religious behavior: the appealing to the divine approval of the speaker's personal loves and hates. It prevents most rational discussion about heated subjects. Now, again, you can be an atheist and still resort to shouting at people who disagree with you. I'm not saying that all religious people do this and that non-religious people don't. But as soon as you take the attitude of "I'm right, and God backs me up, and here's a passage from my holy text that shows that I'm right." Well, that's the end of the discussion, isn't it? You can point out inconsistencies in their thinking, other passages in their own writing that contradict their attitude, point out the historical context that their verse was written in, and so forth but it doesn't matter. You're no longer in a discussion, or fight, that anyone can learn from.

So far, I've been pretty general in my characteristics of "religion" and "religious people." There is one thing fairly particular to Christianity that has always bothered me. By "always" I mean, even when I was in Seminary. Conversion and the Punishment of Hell.

This is where I just can't get on board. The idea that "if you don't agree with me and understand the universe and your place in it the way that I do... you will die and suffer eternally in the pit of Hell" creates such cognitive frisson that sense becomes nonsense and hate becomes love.

Agnostics and atheists and members of other religions have often expressed bafflement to me that "Christians" can so often speak and behave with such hate, when they are professing love. What they don't understand that those "Christians" honestly and truly believe that whatever you are, or do, or say is in violation of their God's law and that unless you repent and become like they are... you will suffer for all eternity. They don't want you to suffer for all eternity, so it is vitally important that they stop you from being who you are, doing what you do, or thinking what you think. It's the only way to save you from eternal suffering.

Is this concern simply a mask so that they can justify their own hatreds? Sometimes. Maybe even oftentimes. But for many people, the ones who aren't purple in the face and spitting while they tell you how much God loves them, it's quite genuine. The threat of hell is so deeply ingrained in many Christian traditions that fighting that which is foreign and "wrong" is of the most absolute importance. If they don't fight, then you will burn in Hell forever, and you will convince other people to turn away from salvation and then they will burn in Hell forever. This is often a quite sincere belief.

The shift from "I believe the universe is ordered in this way, according to these principles, and this brings comfort and meaning to my life" to "believe my truth or you will suffer for all eternity and lead others to suffer as well and it is my obligation to ensure that you are saved from yourself" has resulted in a LOT of ugliness.

So, what does this say about me? What label to I wear? For all practical intents and purposes, I guess you would call me an atheist. The thing is, though... I don't feel comfortable with that title. I believe that there are things out there that we don't understand. I don't know for certain that when the brain dies, there is nothing left of us. I am not utterly convinced that there is not an existence that runs alongside our own, separated by a dimension that can only be perceived between electrons and that much of our "supernatural phenomena" is not linked to this. I just don't know, and I like to think that I can still be amazed by what is out there. I think that religious faith can have a real beauty to it and that it can be a powerful impact on the world for good. So, I am unwilling to wear the uniform of the hard core atheist. I don't have any interest in crusades to liberate the masses from their superstition delusions or anything like that.

But for me, here in this place and at this time: I am content to exist in the world, and not rely on supernumeraries to guide my destiny, reward my faith, and punish me for my disobedience. It's a good life, and I don't need to make myself more important than I am.

My response to Mr. De La Fuente's Statement

2011-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

Recently, I got an email from my District Councilman, Ignacio De La Fuente.

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Dear Residents,

While I agree with the message of the Occupy movement and consider myself, along with all City Employees, including the men and women in our Police Department, to be part of the 99%, I disagree that occupying Frank Ogawa Plaza, shutting down the Port, or calling for a general strike against our City, is going to impact the 1% that this movement is supposed to be targeting.

I do not believe that the 1% was affected by the small businesses that were vandalized earlier this week in our Downtown. Nor were they impacted by the Port truckers or small business employees that were forced to miss work on Wednesday.

The “Occupy Movement” is costing Oakland millions of dollars, dollars that we simply do not have given the economic downturn we find ourselves in. The 1% will not send the City a check to cover the damages suffered by our downtown businesses earlier this week. They're not the ones that are going to pay to replace all the broken windows of City owned buildings nor will they compensate local businesses for the damage they sustained on Wednesday night.

The impacts to residents all over the City, not just in the downtown area, are serious.

There are Oakland families who lost an entire day’s pay on Wednesday. How do we justify the fact that 15 of our 17 Head Start Centers in the City were closed and that those families were forced to make last minute alternative arrangements for child care? This caused a serious financial impact to our lowest income families who ARE part of the 99%.

Residents who rely on public transportation were not able to get to or from work due to Wednesday's disruption to public transportation services. Calls for service to the Police department are going unanswered. As an example, Saturday alone, there were 179 pending calls for service to OPD.
We can not allow this to continue while the residents of our City suffer the consequences. Every additional public works employee who is spending their time in the plaza cleaning up after the occupiers is NOT in our neighborhoods cleaning our parks, emptying our garbage cans and removing graffiti or performing the other services that we as tax payers, pay for.

We still have shootings, robberies and burglaries everyday, the only difference now is that OPD is taking longer to get to those calls. That’s not fair to the residents and small business owners of Oakland.

Just because we might agree with the message we cannot simply allow a group of individuals to outright break our local laws, infringe upon the rights of others, or indefinitely occupy a space that is intended to be used and enjoyed by all Oaklander’s. We also cannot treat this group of individuals any differently than we would any other group. To my colleagues who support the continuing occupation of Frank Ogawa plaza I pose the following question, "would this all be OK if the group outside was the Tea Party or some other right wing extremist group?"

We can not wait until something terrible happens in the Plaza. Nor can we wait for further destruction of businesses. I demand that the Mayor and City Administrator provide the Council with a plan to remove the encampment and bring back the Plaza for everyone’s use.

I hope the residents of Oakland hold the Council and Mayor accountable for their actions or inactions in dealing with this problem.

Ignacio
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My response (which I emailed to him, but am posting here for discussion):

As one of your constituents, I have to take issue with some of your points.

Yes, there are problems with how the Occupy Oakland protests are impacting local business people. This can and should be prevented. Absolutely.

However, the vandalization of small businesses was most likely not the intent or action of the protest organizers or most of those who are participating. You know as well as any of us that Oakland has a history of drawing out a thug contingent, both from inside Oakland and outside our city, whenever a protest is organized. Blaming the larger protest for the actions of a minority does not serve us.

The General Strike, as I understand it, was a direct response to the excessive use of violence against peaceful protesters. Oakland, as a city, decided that rather than act in support of the protesters it would work to shut them down. It did so by bringing in others who were clearly spoiling for a fight and brought incredible shame on our city.

Our Mayor and the council could have chosen to support the goals and ideals of the protests, worked with organizers to cooperate in matters of safety and sanitation and done some real community building. Imagine if one or two police offers were assigned to work WITH the protesters to help them police the fringe elements themselves, and only intervening when situations required an official response. Imagine if Oakland sanitation worked with the organizers and protesters to ensure that they cleaned up after themselves and all Oakland needed to do was cart off full trash bins?

What if, instead of shutting down it's own citizens, Oakland had actually found a way to make this entire situation work for everyone. What if, instead of appearing to the world as a city that can't get its message straight and is quick to resort to force to quiet protesters, it became a beacon to the country of how a city could turn a negative situation into a new start of community involvement and cooperation?

But no, the city chose to expend a lot of money, the money that we can't afford, to make things much much worse than they needed to be.

Should city buildings have had their windows broken? No. Will that end up costing us all money? Yes. But how much did it cost for us to flood the square with out of town cops so they could beat on our citizens? How much are we going to have to pay in lawsuits for the injured? If you want to talk about financial losses the city will suffer, look there.

You ask, "how would we feel if it was right wing protesters occupying the plaza?" I would be fine with it. I might avoid the plaza, but they have as much a right to protest as we do. If they could get enough numbers to fill that plaza, and be dedicated enough to suffer the cold and damp overnight, then let them. That plaza is for everyone, as you point out. If it's for everyone, if it's our tax dollars that pay for it, then the citizens of Oakland have a right to be there. Does the city have a responsibility to ensure safety, and accessibility? Yes it does, but the answers need to lie with community involvement and cooperation, not this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0pX9LeE-g8

Something terrible did happen in the plaza. Shot with a rubber bullet, for filming a line of cops. Not advancing, not screaming, just walking and filming the line and *bang*. You can hear people yelling on that video, but it wasn't the person filming, or anyone right next to him.

I'm not on the front lines, but as a taxpayer and a member of your district, I'd rather see you advocating for ways to make this better rather than for ways to make it all go away.

Respectfully,

Dan Wilson

Perfect storm of relaxation

2011-05-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

It's Memorial Day, and I'm blissfully enjoying the vestiges of a fairly perfect weekend. Juliet and I have been up in Mount Shasta, spending time with her mom and her mom's partner, Mark. It's been a mix of eating far too well and too frequently, relaxing with books, taking walks downtown and in Ashland, writing, exploring the local caves, visiting with locals and extended family, and introducing everyone to the card game Citadels.

I feel like I've been soaking in a hot tub since Friday morning.

Granted, the drive back to Oakland may undo all this relaxed inner harmony, but I'm hoping not.

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Here's a few updates for the curious. In two weeks there will be public reading of two of my plays, courtesy of Triple Shot Productions. On Friday, June 10th, we'll be reading my new farce, "Mammals in Collision." I finally got the second draft finished on Friday, up here in Mount Shasta, and I've been collecting and confirming actors since then. On Saturday, Peggy Powell's new one act will be read alongside "All that and a Box of Donuts", with most of the original San Jose cast.

In other writing news, my little five pager for Theatre Pub didn't make the cut for their little fest, but I wrote and submitted a "first scene" for Unscripted Theatre for their next show. The Theatre Pub scene came fairly easy, as it had many restrictions on what could happen, length, how it should end, etc. I may try to catch the show when it goes up, just to see what did get picked. The Unscripted show was more of a challenge, since they want the first scene of a play, but they will improvise the rest of the play as they imagine I might have written it. It was supposed to be a genre piece of my choosing, and could have up to ten characters.

Now, while I may introduce many characters in the first scene (411, Harvesting the Lost, I don't introduce everyone at once, and sometimes the main character won't even show up until the second or third scene (In a Distant Country). That, and I don't usually start a project based on genre. Really, I think of genre more with film and novels than plays. So, I fretted and hemmed and hawed about what to write for a couple of weeks, and finally decided to play a bit with comedy-noir. I wanted to write a female private investigator, but didn't want to draw too heavily on Hal Savage's The Chinese Angle which I directed a few years back. So, I made it contemporary and made the lead heterosexual ... and deaf. As soon as I began to write the opening noirish inner monologue, I also discovered that my detective was also a frustrated meteorologist. Soon, I began to people her world in my mind and in my notes. The first scene would be her and her client, and other characters (but, in my mind, not all the characters) would be mentioned as allies, suspects, and potential leads. I tried to build the requisite sexual tension between client and detective, an existing lover to allow for a triangle, a murder to solve, and a menagerie for the detective to explore and investigate through the plot... while throwing in some jokes to set the tone.

The problem is... I really like these characters now! If Unscripted doesn't pick it up, I may have to write the whole play, or turn it into a webseries. Given that I already need to adapt All That and a Box of Donuts to webseries format, and have a short film with Tom Neely that I'm supposedly working on... I don't know when the story of Carol Stone might get told.

On top of all this, I've got an audition coming up for a tiny part with a large theatre, but one that would never the less eat up a good deal of time.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to do all this and still find time to play Fallout: New Vegas, Dragon Age 2, Arkham City, the new Bioshock. I also need to brush up on my job skills, and just purchased some books on Javascript, Photoshop CS 5, and HTML 5.

So, basically, I'm accepting offers by wealthy patrons, if you're interested.

Update

2011-02-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Just finished Act II. It's going to need more work, but most of the play will, I think, need some workshopping to get the timings right anyway. It's hard to know how much or how little dialogue you need to make the timings of entrances and exits work and how much of a chaotic moment needs to be spelled out.

Reglardless, now I can start writing act III.

Inching forward

2011-02-21T10:01:00.000-08:00

I love telling stories, be it as an actor, an improvisor, a director, or a writer. That said, the process of writing is a grueling one... even when it's not. When I sit down to write, my goal tends to be three pages a day. If I really knuckled down and treated it like a job, I could probably do 12-15 a day. Of course, I don't. I spend lots of time thinking about the story, and about the characters, and where they're heading and where they've been, but actually putting fingers to keyboard is an ongoing struggle.

This is hardly news. Ninety five percent of writers would say something very similar.

I recently figured out how Mammals in Collision ends. Like 411, so many years ago, the ending of this play has eluded me for years, and as a result it sat untouched in the recesses of my mind. Now that I have a final moment to work towards, you'd think that I'd be leaping at the chance to get it written down.

But look, I'm doing a blog entry.

Today is a holiday, and I hope to at least finish act II today. Procrastination tools involve books, housework, the dog, personal hygiene, Radiostar, and (of course) the X-Box. Maybe if I write in this space that I'll have act II done by 5pm, I'll actually get it done.

Let's see together, yes?

Auditions from the other side of the table

2011-02-16T15:05:00.001-08:00

So, I'm stuck watching progress bars in work, and all the other work I need to do involves the program creating the progress bars, so I might as well do a blog post.

I'm in the midst for auditions right now. Specifically, I'm directing my play "Get it? Got it. Good!" for a one-act festival down in San Jose. The original director had to bow out, so I agreed to step in and direct. It's a shame, because I was curious to see what someone else would do with it. Still, I'm just glad to let a different audience see the show, and to tweak (and hopefully improve it) a bit.

We were supposed to have two nights of auditions and one day of callbacks. Because the company had the first night of auditions on Valentine's Day, so that ended up not happening. One would hope however, that we'd just be jam packed with people on the other evening. One would hope, and as often happens when one hopes, one would be disappointed.

We saw a grand total of six actors. My show alone, and there are four shows in total, has a cast of eight. My show is also male heavy. Five definite men, two women, and one role that can switch as needed. We have people who were seen at the TBA Generals and who have worked with Arclight before coming directly to callbacks. I asked how many of them were men. "One."

As it currently stands, even if everyone at callbacks is fantastic, I am going to need to cast at least half my show outside of the audition process. Fortunately, I know a lot of great actors. Unfortunately, if they are Equity members I can't use them. (I used two Equity members in the original production because I was footing the bill.)

Of the non-equity, still living in this state men from the last production, I know that at least one of them is otherwise booked during this time period and one of them is fully engaged with his own projects and recent offspring. So, I'm going through my list in my head and thinking of matches with characters.

The show will definitely be different. Different stage, different actors, improved staging and pacing, cleaned up some confusing lines, etc. I'm working hard to not let past performances color what the characters could be. It's challenging though, and why I was excited to see someone come to the script fresh as a director.

In the end, I expect that by Saturday I will have all my women cast. I also expect that by Saturday I'll be taking my list of awesome actors who are neither Equity nor otherwise engaged and doing some serious wooing.

Now, how did we get in this situation? Actors are always looking for work, after all. Well, there are a few things working against us.

1. No pay.
This always makes it hard to get actors of any substantial experience. Even a small stipend—enough to cover basic travel expenses—is enough to bring in more experienced actors. With no pay at all, the market dwindles rapidly.

2. The company is also holding auditions for their main production at the same time.
Ok, they're actually a week apart, but most of the actors I might have access to are auditioning for "Much Ado About Nothing", which is their big show of the year and will be rehearsing at the same time as the One-Acts. This includes most of the men.

3. Location.
Getting people down to San Jose is always a challenge. The commute can be brutal. Strangely enough, however, almost everyone who came on Tuesday was from the East Bay or the Peninsula. People who wouldn't have to commute however, didn't show up. I'm guessing they'll be at auditions for Much Ado.

4. Small company
The company has a great deal of potential, and lots of heart, but is still very much finding its feet. I've recently become a company member and am hoping that as labor becomes more divided that the company will be able to improve its output more and more and it will grow from a small to mid-sized company. But for now, people aren't signing up for the prestige factor.

In particular, I'm hoping that we can begin raising funds so that people can get paid (removing factor 1) and that we can look at the season and figure out ways to maximize our resources (point two). If we can do that, factors three and four will become less and less of an issue.

Things don't happen, and some things do

2011-02-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday felt smashingly productive. I got another three pages done in Mammals in Collision, finished the edits on Radiostar, got a call from Juliet saying that she had gotten out of rehearsal #1 early and wanted to meet in Berkeley for frozen yogurt, and then came home and added the musical transitions and intro to the Radiostar episode. In the midst of all this, I got another call (this time from Christopher DeJong) informing me that Radiostar Improv was going to be in the San Francisco Fringe Festival in September. This will make our fourth ever live performance, and our first series of shows.

This morning felt less productive at first. Our numbers for tonight's recording session went from seven, to six, to five, to four due to conflicts, illness, illness, and more illness. We had cancelled last night's session for similar reasons and once we hit four (with one possible drop out due to ... illness), it became clear that tonight would not be spent on mic.

I was bummed, but consoled myself with the thought that I wouldn't have to haul all the gear out to San Francisco, which meant that I wouldn't have to use City CarShare. Not spending money or hauling heavy and expensive gear is always a good consolation prize.

It didn't help that neither I nor Juliet got much sleep thanks to Benedick, who has the very habit of not letting us get a solid eight hours... ever. You'd think that a queen size bed would be adequate for two humans and an 11 lb dog, but you'd be wrong. He seems to swell in the night. Suddenly you awaken to find that he's stretched and his paws are digging into you, or that there's this large furry lump burrowed into the small of your back.

So, tired and mildly frustrated, I jumped in the shower. It was there that I had an epiphany.

I first had the idea for Mammals in Collision about five years ago. I wrote out the outline, and then it sat for years. I always wanted to work on it, but I was so concerned about how to deal with the third act that it became very easy to leave on the back burner. Ultimately, I knew that the play didn't have an ending. I knew the crux of the third act. I knew the issues. But no matter how it played out, it would turn from a comedy into a tragedy... even if it was a tragedy deferred.

This morning, amidst the steam and soap, it came to me. An ending. A brilliant ending. An ending that maintained the tone I had been setting as I wrote the last few weeks. An ending that worked.

I emerged, electrified.

I still need to finish act two, which I think I can do today. But now I know exactly where I am heading. I have a destination, which I'd had for the ends of the first two acts, but not for the whole play.

It's going to be a very good day.

Nothing here. Move along.

2011-02-11T16:57:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to post about today. I'm in the midst of writing the first draft of my long delayed farce "Mammals in Collision" and I need to get the next Radiostar show edited for Monday. Right now it's all about working until 5ish, cooking and then writing and editing. Not too exciting here at Casa Wilson-Heller.

Juliets in rehearsals for Beardo over at Shotgun Players, so most of my evenings are my own. This will change soon, however, as auditions for "Get it? Got it. Good!" are next week and then I'll be casting and rehearsing until the end of March.

I feel like I should say something about Egypt, but I don't know what to write beyond "Yay! Good for them."
I really am happy that the people were able to rise up and have a pretty peaceful revolt. I'm thrilled that the military stood up for the people and didn't act as a force of oppression.

I just wish that it hadn't taken thirty years to happen.

Redevelopment

2011-02-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

Governor Jerry Brown is looking for a way to fix California's massive budget shortcomings. Early on, he let it be known that we had two choices: raise taxes or cut programs. Redevelopment agencies were on the chopping block, and Brown stated that he was going after services that would pinch the middle class. It seemed sound reasoning to me. Rather than cut programs that only impact the poor, which is what often happens, threaten things that the middle class actually cares about. Remind them that the taxes they pay serve them.

As the deadlines draw closer, however, I'm hearing more and more about cutting funding for the Redevelopment agencies and very little about extending and raising taxes.

The mania and hatred of taxes is something that I can't fully appreciate. We say we want smaller government and lower taxes (or no taxes), but we also complain about high unemployment. I don't know the numbers for every city, but in Oakland the city, county and state are the biggest employers we have. If you want to decrease the revenue of the government, then you're basically saying that you want less jobs available. Cutting taxes means more unemployment, more blight, more crime, more social ills.

There's a nice article about Oakland's need for redevelopment funding here.

What got my ire up this morning was this article in the Oakland Tribune. In particular, the Contra Costa County Supervisor John Gioia's comments really hacked me off. As someone who grew up in Pleasant Hill, I can affirm that yes, most of Contra Costa County doesn't need much redevelopment money. It's a great suburban sprawl full of wealthy people. What we have with Mr. Gioia is another example of the wealthy completely failing to take the needs of the poor into account. "If we don't need it, why should anyone else? After all, we've got space and lots and lots of shopping malls!"

So, please, Governor Brown, take Contra Costa County's redevelopment money. They neither need, nor want it. For the urban centers, however, just extend the taxes a bit. We can take it. It's worth the slight pinch.

New Day Dawning

2011-02-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a little bit shamed by the wonderful Becky Haycox, who has committed to writing every day this year, and by Neil Gaiman who is celebrating the ten year anniversary of his blog.

I used to update every day, but that slowed, and with the advent of twitter essentially stopped completely.

So, I'm going to try this again.

Be warned, I make no promises that it will be interesting. When I first started keeping an online journal back in... what was it, 1997? God, I think it was. Anyway, when I first started it then, it was because I wanted a record of my life that wasn't just the emo portions.

I'll be posting about my daily goings on, my thoughts on news of the day, trends, and whatnot. You're welcome to listen in, comment, or ignore. If I feel like I have to perform in this space, I imagine that nothing will get written.

So. That's that, then.

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Truth of the matter is, my life is much more boring than it once was. The curious thing is that I am not in the slightest upset by that. I'm forty years old. I have a house and a mortgage. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman. I have a dog, for crying out loud. If it was possible to be more settled down I'd be a potted plant.

This doesn't mean that I'm not quite active creatively or that I never have any adventures. It does mean that I am much more likely to stay inside. I'm not roaming around, looking for interesting experiences to have and interesting women to meet. Yes, it's true. Upon reflection, a major motivation for me to be out and about all the time was that I was looking to meet women. How very pedestrian. How very human.

To be perfectly fair, it's not quite as simple as I like to make it sounds. Part of it is age, to be sure. But part of it boils down to contentment. I'm not looking outside my home for anything to make me happier, or better, or more interesting. It also has a lot to do with investment. Each apartment I had, I felt a little more at home in. My last place truly felt like it was a part of me. Now, I have the house. I'm happy to be here, and I'm heavily invested in it. The financial commitment is one thing, but there's also the endless tweaks and improvements I'm investing in, as well as the sheer size of it. In a one bedroom apartment, there wasn't much space or need to interact with the environment. It was easy to leave and return to. With a house... it's different. It's a home in a way that an apartment never could have been. Apartments are launching pads. Houses are not.

And then, there's the dog.

I thought about getting a dog for a long time, but ultimately decided that I wouldn't because of my lifestyle. Dogs are social creatures, and I figured that I just wouldn't be around enough. It wouldn't be right to the pooch. Well, now I work from home, and I find it emotionally hard to leave him alone in it. His panic when we leave is only surpassed by his ecstasy when we return. I know that he's fine. But every time I leave with him pushed up against the window, whining as I walk away... it kills me a little. So, I find even more excuses to stay at home.

We've talked about getting a Beatrice for our Benedick, and talked about fostering dogs for a while to see if it makes a difference for him. Time will tell if and when we follow through on that.

Packers

2010-10-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

So, New Scientist magazine is having a "flash fiction" competition. A 350 word or less short short story about "a future that never was." I.e. a forgotten vision of the future, a future or present, with promised technology that never arrived, or where debunked scientific theories turned out to be true.

Writing a story in 350 words or less not easy. The first draft was easily 200 words too long, and a lot of good stuff that I hated to lose had to be jettisoned. I may need to write a more fully fleshed out story in this world, and with Dr. Pitts.

Packers

“We’ve got another flyer.”

Dr. Pitts frowned, uttered a quick “excuse me” to the man whose leg he had been prodding. A clutch of nurses and orderlies were already at the body while the paramedic shouted out “Caucasian male, twenty years old. Third degree burns on the buttocks and all down the back of the legs, left tibia appears to be broken, second degree burns along the back, abrasions under the arms, swelling and lacerations on the face arms and chest.”

“Thank you Matt. Why is he naked?”

To his credit, Matt didn’t crack a smile. “Frat party. 1.5 BAC. He’s not feeling too much pain.”

Pitts shone a light into the boy’s eyes. “Stupid bastard. What’d he hit?”

“A tree. Smashed right into it, safety straps released on impact. Obviously, no chute. He’s lucky he only broke one leg. Firefighters got there when we did, but the tree’s a lost cause. The pack got caught in the branches. Fwoosh!”

“All right, get those burns treated and then get him to Radiology.” The orderlies grabbed the hover-gurney and moved the quietly groaning frat boy down the hall.

“Busy night?”

Pitts shook his head. “Not too bad. Just the usual.”

“This is ‘usual’?”

“You’re still new. This is nothing. You know, people are so afraid this or that thing is going to kill them, and then they go and strap on a jetpack without a thought. Every night we get people in here because they didn’t want to wear the helmet, or took out the emergency chute because it was uncomfortable.”

The paramedic nodded. “I forgot to take the heat shields out of my jumper once before washing it. Got a nice burn on my ass the next time I wore it.”

Dr. Pitts sighed. “I was just starting my residency when the first consumer models came out. My very first E.R. patient had been convinced he could make it home without refueling and lost control a quarter mile from his house.”

Matt chuckled. “That was your first? You’re a relic!”

“Yes. And this isn’t the future they promised me.”

love, new directions, and general updates

2009-11-22T12:47:00.000-08:00

Wow, I haven't posted here since September. Quite a bit has happened since then.

First off, I feel madly in love with Juliet Heller. I don't often talk about my personal relationships in this space ( a lesson forcibly learned a long time ago), but this is something of such momentous importance that it really needs to be noted.

We met doing The Heidi Chronicles with Custom Made Theatre company. One of the actors in the company, Fred Pitts, had contacted me to ask for suggestions for actors to play "Scoop Rosenbaum" for the company's remount. After I gave a short list of potential actors, he asked if "I" would be interested. My calendar was free, and I thought it'd be fun to work with Fred again, and I'd never worked with Custom Made, despite working *alongside* them for years. So I made my availability known, did a quickie audition and joined the cast.

Juliet wasn't at the first reading due to other commitments, and my scenes were almost exclusively with "Heidi" and "Peter", so I didn't meet her until we had a rehearsal at my home with the whole cast. Our normal rehearsal space was booked for the night, so I offered my living room as a suitable space to do line and character work (although not really enough for full blocking). Juliet showed up, and I learned that she was the one playing my wife in the show (although we only have about 1 minute of stage time together). She definitely caught my eye, but as I had just begun seeing someone, didn't have a history of "showmances" and wasn't looking to complicate life, I didn't do anything about it. Rehearsals moved on, and I saw little of most of the cast, including Juliet.

It wasn't until tech week that I began to get the slightest glimmer of an idea that I had caught her eye as well. It wasn't until our only night off between a solid week of runthroughs and tech-preview-opening that I accepted that there was something there. She was in Oakland for the day and asked if we might hang out that night. Seeing as how it would be our only night apart from each other over two weeks, I was intrigued, but still wary. I most emphatically wasn't looking to, here's that word again, "complicate" things.

We hung out for a few hours, talking, watching videos, just exploring who the other person was outside of the context of doing a play together. After three hours, I kept hearing my friend Chris' voice in my head, telling me that the first time he met his wife Ann that he knew if he dated her, that was going to be it. I knew that if Juliet and I got involved, it was going to be major.

That was two months ago. She officially moved in about a month ago, although we've actually only spent two or three nights apart since that Sunday. I'm happier and more emotionally secure than I've ever felt I had the right to be, and daily amazed at the joy I receive from having her in my life.

She's off at rehearsal for her new show, Jubilee, now. We're both looking forward to having some time off, with no show requirements for a while. Time to simply "be", which is not something I'm known for.

This is largely why I've been so silent on this blog. Lack of time. We still had a show to do, one that ran for five weeks. I've still been doing Radiostar, and we've both been working on the house and savoring our downtime. Life has been full, and very good.

This week, we'll be hosting her father, her brother and his girlfriend, and my mother for Thanksgiving.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Music to our ears

2009-09-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the comparative radio silence, although I've been happily twittering away, so if you miss me lots you can follow me on Twitter.

I'd like to talk about a recent project, but first I want to alert folks to a couple of notable Sweetie Tanya musical releases.

First, Rachel Efron (who penned "Terrible Thing to Dream", "Not as Old as You", and "Mouse Becomes the Cat") just released her second CD, and it is a thing of loveliness.

Second, The Endless (who composed "I Never Wanted This") just released a video for "Hunt for the Heart", off their latest album. The album and the video are both filled with the strange beauty that characterize Adriana and Dave, so go check it out.

Also, I did some singing lately. I cannot claim it was lovely or filled with strange beauty, but people seemed to find it very funny.

Suraya Keating (Vagina Dentata) asked me to fill in for a lost actor on her project Zen Boyfriends. It was only a couple of days of rehearsal and one show, so I happily agreed, despite the fact that I was up for a role (which I also got) in Custom Made Theatre's "Heidi Chronicles". It was a lot of fun and we did our performance at the California Institute for Integral Studies last night.
Zen Boyfriends is essentially a cabaret piece about a woman reflecting on her struggles with men who use their "enlightenment" to dominate others and avoid emotional intimacy and personal responsibility. It was written and co-directed by someone who graduated from CIIS, and the particular form of spirituality and social consciousness being satirized is fervently endorsed by the institution. So depending on your point of view, we were either in the belly of the beast or inviting the larger family to be in on the joke.

I think it was a little from column A and a little from column B.

What I found most interesting about the project was that most of the cast are not semi-professional performers and I was repeatedly "checked in" with by them to be sure that I was enjoying myself and that I was glad to be involved with the program. There was a kind of nervousness that I might find the project unworthy or something. Truth was, the show is a lark, required minimal time, and is clearly enjoyed by the targeted audience (who turns out in droves).

For the most part, the performers have a hard time singing in the same key (myself included), and while the music is quite catchy nobody would buy a CD of *us* singing the songs. The script is perfect for a cabaret style performance with broad, satirical characterizations, but is ultimately 2 dimensional and cartoony. The entire show has a very "let's do a show in the barn" feel to it, and will probably never play in an actual theatre. But there's nothing wrong with any of that. It's a specific piece written for a specific audience and it runs on cleverness, good will, and high energy. People who come to see it have a good time (even if they end up feeling a bit chagrined by the end). It's what Peter Brook would call "Rough Theatre", and in many ways is more special to the audience for happening outside even the rough and tumble world of independent theatre.

We are probably doing it again next month, which will result in me doing Zen Boyfriends on a Sunday afternoon, and then doing Heidi Chronicles that evening. It should be interesting, to say the least.

Of, and for the fearful, I only sing as part of a chorus.

7 questions to ask about health care

2009-08-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by an article a friend on Facebook directed me to. It's 10 questions to ask your representatives about health care. While I disagree with the tone of the article (the author, Hugh Hewitt, gives his own answers to the questions and asserts that they are what any representative will tell you if they are honest), I agree that there are some important questions we should all be asking.

With that in mind, I present my own take on the 10 questions. I only have 7 though, as I feel that if these seven are answered the remaining three from Mr. Hewitt's list will be answered. (in particular, "have you read the bill and know it will enough to be interviewed on it". If a representative can answer these questions intelligently, then he or she has clearly read the damn thing and understood it.)

1. What will be done to ensure that my employer will not ditch my current health plan in order to go exclusively for the public option? How can I be ensured that I can keep my employer-provided plan?

This is at the root of the question. It's been very clearly stated that you will not be forced off your current plan, but the question of employer decision is a valid and important one.

2. What are the differences, if any, between the coverage provided in the general public health plan and the current federal employee health plan?

If there are no differences, then we can get a good look at what the public option will offer us. If there are, we should know those up front.

3. How will the new health plan impact Medicare funding? Will funds be pooled between the two programs (i.e. will Medicare be subsumed as a sub-program of the larger health system) or will the two be funded and administered separately?

The question isn't, "will the seniors get screwed?" The question is about the relationship between a current, functioning program and the proposed one. Is it possible that the new system break the old? If it is possible, then what is being done to prevent that possibility from happening?

4. If a doctor decides a procedure is necessary or extremely beneficial, can we be sure that the new plan will cover it? If there is not a cap on care, how does the government plan to deal with costs?

Again, let's not make this about he seniors. If Medicare has worked this long, let's assume that things aren't going to change for them or for the Veterans (unless the answer to question #3 shows a danger). The question of caps on are is important on both sides of the coin. Insurance companies just decided not to pay for things. The Public Plan shouldn't have that option, but what *is* in place to ensure that costs don't skyrocket?

5. How will the influx of new patients, waiting for medical services, impact the time it takes to receive the care that is needed?

If we are expanding the base of people who can take advantage of health care services, but not expanding the number of hospitals or medical professionals, this is a valid concern. It doesn't mean that we have the option of not providing health care to people, but we should have our eyes open to the idea that non-emergency procedures might involve greater delays than we're used to.

6. What incentives or requirements will be in place to ensure that doctors don't prioritize patients from private insurance over patients on public insurance?

I'm not entirely sure how this works currently for non HMO-Doctors. It'd be good to find out. The question of doctor compensation is important for a number of reasons, but I'm less concerned about the arguments that anesthesiologists and pathologists are suddenly going to be dropped from hospital staffs because their jobs are less essential. Again, what is the answer to question #2?

7. While socialized medicine is practiced in many countries, there are many reports of long delays and problems (especially in Canada). What systems are being put into place to avoid the pitfalls revealed by other nation's programs?

I'm sick of everyone talking about wait times in Canada, as if they were the only country in the world to have socialized health care. Many countries are doing this, some better than others. I want to know how we're learning from their successes and mistakes and how that impacts our plan.

new skins on old fears

2009-08-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

Everyone has at least one recurring dream. I tend to find myself back in school, being informed that I have to retake a class that I never took, or failed, or else they'll revoke my diploma. In these dreams, I am having a hard time finding my classroom, trying to negotiate the requirement with my work needs, and generally trying to deal with the fact that I'm 25, 30, 35, 39 years old and stuck in a high school class.

The underlying fears are pretty clear. My forward progress in life is halted or retarded by something left undone, a failing never acknowledged or discovered. Something hidden in me threatens everything should it ever be discovered. This failing, this inadequacy will bring me not only inconvenience but shame.

Last night I had a different dream. Same theme, new twist. This dream had friends with tech connections asking me veiled questions about an old computer of mine, and then flat out telling me that due to video files on my old CSLA computer, I was under investigation by the federal government for copyright infringement. (I used to identify short clips in movies to be used to illustrate points in presentations. Everything was fair use, and our process was checked by a lawyer.) In my dream, I knew that what this ultimately meant for me was that they would come for the house.

I woke up reflecting on this. It's ultimately the school dream. But instead of something undone being revealed and threatening my forward progress, something DONE was being revealed. From the sin of omission to the sin of commission. Also, instead of simply causing embarrassment, the danger is to my home. For the first time, I have something concrete that can be threatened.

My life has undergone a major shift, and now my dreams are catching up to that shift. Social stigma is no longer the worst that can be done. I can be financially ruined now, left homeless and deep in debt. I can be a target.

This is probably part of the lassitude I've been feeling lately, the ennui that's settled over my otherwise quite content existence. I shouldn't be surprised that my standard dream is undergoing changes as well.

Feelings

2009-07-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

I've been oddly emotional lately.

It's not that I find emotions odd, but that I find the emotions I've been having odd. Odd in their timing, odd in what triggers them.

My last breakup really bothered me, but I kind of retreated into a protective emotional shell when I saw it coming. I think I've seen the signs too many times to be surprised any more, so I sort of unconsciously start to buffer myself. But as I talk to people, months later, the hurt and the frustration come out and friends say "I was wondering about that. You seemed to take it all weirdly well."

I get brief spurts of energy. I'll be interested in the idea of dating for maybe ten minutes, but then lose all my steam. I can't even get through a single online personals ad.

I get weepy, but not at sad things. I get weepy at happy, hopeful things. Movies that show people deeply in love, or long friendships, or childhood dreams that are still alive. When I see these things, I feel my eyeballs begin to float and I wonder ... "why?"

The simple answer is depression. I'm a bit depressed, and have been for a bit. It's a hard word to own, because I often feel quite content, but I guess that content doesn't really cut it. Still, why else would images of loss and sadness leave no mark upon me, while scenes of happiness reduce me to tears? Why else would this respite from project-mania leave me so listless and unwilling to get to the real work that I claim to want to do? Why do I want to nap all the time (even though I never do)?

I keep talking about getting a dog, but I'd probably be a terrible dog owner. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a puppy. I resent restrictions on my freedom, and am not an outdoors person. Again, the answer is fairly straightforward, but hard to face. A dog would be an attempt to fill whatever void I'm trying to ignore. That's a bad position to put people in, and it's not a good position for an animal either.

Not a very upbeat journal entry, but the bit about tearing up over happy moments has been preying on me lately.

I guess I just am hoping that putting it in words, throwing it to the ether, will help a little bit. Name a thing and it loses power over you ... at least to a certain extent. And who knows, this depression may just be the result of disappointment and fatigue, neither of which go away quickly just because you want them to.

With that in mind, I'm off to bed. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Curious conversation

2009-06-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

I head into the back yard to water the garden. From over the fence I hear:

"Hey!"

"Hey," I reply.

Hey!

"Hey," again.

I continue watering and a young man's face appears over the fence. I've met a couple of the guys from that house, but it seems to have a lot of visitors/family/etc. Not someone I'm familiar with.

What're you doing?

"Just doing some watering."

Is that a garden?

I look at the neat and ordered rows of plants, the row of flowers, and the netting on pipes that keeps cats away.

"Yep. It's a garden."

A slight pause here, then

What are you growing?

I give the usual litany. Tomatoes, green beans, zucchini (although it is not growing well), lettuce, etc.

Do you like weed?

Ok, now the conversation just got interesting, although I'm not sure where this is going.

"No, never really been a big fan."

Do you know how to grow it?

While I would have to assume it would involve light and water, I say that I don't.

Oh.

A longer pause, then finally

I have my medical card.

He then proceeds to mutter something about his legs being fucked up, and then drifts away.

I've been offered weed to smoke (or eat) on numerous occasions but not until I became a homeowner was I asked to grow it for someone.

More history

2009-06-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

I continue to slowly explore the history deposited in my home. It turns out that I am not descended from an outlaw, as the Jesse James who died was not the historical thug, but a farmer in the Ozarks who ran afoul of Confederate sympathizers. My own ancestor literally had the noose around his neck when word of Union forces arrived and the "bushwhackers" ran away, leaving him to his own devices.

A lot of the interest in the records is what I can glean from inference. Ancestors in Missouri who married at 13 years of age. People having 11 children. Family names that recur in marriage records. These things tell little, but are reminders of what life was like five or six generations back.

Closer to home, time and space wise, is my father's Senior yearbook. Dad was a Castlemont High School, Oakland, graduate of 1960. I've learned a few things from going through the old yearbook, reading the signatures, and looking at the photos. One, Dad's high school looks way more interesting than my high school was. Even the clubs were cooler, or at least had cooler and more enigmatic names. The women's swim team was the "Aquadettes", but many of these club names give no indication of what was going on: Bishops, Block C, Caduceus, Excaliber, Guild of the Lance, Ladies of Avalon and the Ladies of Devon and the Ladies of the Holy Grail, Shamrocks, the Six Footers, Trianion, Ye Castle Hams, and the Undertakers. This doesn't even consider all the groups with greek letters for names.

Dad was on the Varsity Basketball team, but has very few signatures in the Varsity section. He does however have a lot of messages from women throughout the entire book, many of which imply that Dad was ... well favored by the ladies. This jives with something he implied back when I was in High School. I didn't date in High School, and my Dad had an issue with that. I didn't realize at the time that my Dad was a bit of a player.

He also had some interesting classes. In particular, people write about Bookkeeping Class, Yearbook (he was the Sports Editor), Office Practice, and American Problems.

I want to take a class in American Problems.

I wish, now, that we had gone over this yearbook together... away from my Mom... and had him tell me about these people and experiences. My Dad never really talked about the past. Just a few comments here and there, but no real stories. Really, you'd never know that any of these people who hoped that they'd be "friends forever" ever existed. Like a lot of men of pretty much every generation, Dad wasn't a "sharer".

It really is a loss.

I'll keep the yearbook and let my own imagination fill the gaps of my Dad's unknown past. I'll give him some great adventures, and maybe you'll get to read or see them someday.

World's best haircut

2009-06-09T12:23:00.001-07:00

This is fantastic. Stephen Colbert doing a USO show in Iraq, and at the end is the best military haircut EVER

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Obama Orders Stephen's Haircut - Ray Odierno

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Stephen Colbert in Iraq

History (part 1)

2009-06-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

My mom has been cleaning out her storage space, and in addition to a cabinet, table, chairs, and antique secretary's desk, she's left several boxes of old photos and documents for me to go through.

I expected these to be mostly childhood scribblings of mine. Such detritus seems to proliferate in the back cupboards of parents, and I'd already gone through a few such "thinning" expeditions in the last couple of years.

I'm working through the first batch and have already found some treasures I wasn't expecting. A small vinyl record of the first moon landing was surprising, but it is nothing compared to some documents I found paperclipped together.

Three pages are sketchy genealogical notes, one is a handwritten letter, and one is from the Secretary of the Navy. The handwritten letter is from my paternal grandfather, Martin, to his brother Louis. This took me a moment, since my Dad's name was Louis and he never mentioned an uncle. Then again, he rarely talked about his family at all. The letter is dated November 4th, 1942, and is primarily about the details of a gear that Martin was crafting to fix my grandmother Elsie's washing machine. Parts were unavailable due to the war effort, so he was making one himself at the Caterpillar factory where he worked. Two and a half pages of grammatically questionable description of a gear, after apologizing for not writing more often. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why anyone would save this. At the very end, Mary mentions that Elsie is five months pregnant. "Ah," I thought, "that's the significance. That would be when she was pregnant with my father." Still, I wasn't sure why mom had the letter.

Then I read the attached telegram from the Secretary of the Navy. According to the telegram, on November 15th, 1942, 11 days after Martin wrote the letter, Louis' ship, the Preston was sunk. There were few survivors, and the ship sank rapidly. Louis had been "Missing in Action" for a year, and the telegram was to inform my great grandmother that her son was officially considered deceased.

He was a machinist, first class. That explained why the entire letter was about gears, and why my grandfather quipped near the end that Louis could take the letter to a machinist if he didn't understand any of what was written.

So, now I know why my dad was named Louis. He was named for the brother who never heard about the jury-rigged gear for my grandmother's washing machine. He was named for the one who was lost.

Also of interest is that my Great Grandmother, Una Garfield Wilson, lived on E 14th St, right off of Lake Merritt. I can only assume by the fact that it was addressed to her, that my Great Grandfather (Charles Salem Wilson) had already died. The genealogy notes give no dates for him. Una was born in 1881, though, and appears to have died in 1964. How interesting that, being born in Hayward, raised in Pleasant Hill, educated in Santa Barbara and Chicago, I should end up buying a house 2.7 miles from my Great Grandparent's home.

Update:
In the envelope, unattached, I found a letter from Great Grandma Elise, written the day before. It's full of hope for the new baby, tales of common friends, and the great fear about the war. It is much more what I would have expected. I'm considering starting a genealogy project. Nothing major, but I want a way to digitally organize this information. I may need to invest in a new scanner.

Because it's awesome

2009-05-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Ashes to Ashes

2009-04-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

So, I asked the city of Oakland what the trees are that line my street.

I got the answer yesterday. They are "Raywood Ash", also known as "Claret Ash" due to the lovely wine color the leaves turn in the fall.

I called Kaiser to ask if they test for Ash, since it wasn't on my results. They don't. They do test families, but the allergist couldn't tell me offhand what family of tree the Ash belongs to.

Well, the Ash is part of the Oleaceae family of trees.

The average person may know them as OLIVE TREES.

And now I know that I have doomed myself, because I am allergic to Olive trees, and my street is lined with them.

I may buy stock in Claratin.

Allergies

2009-04-21T13:32:00.001-07:00

So, the last four months have been a bit of a sinus nightmare. Between the endless colds and allergies, I haven't known if I was coming or going. Kristi was convinced that my immune system was being worn down by a low level wheat allergy. I was less convinced, but it was certainly the worst spate of nose awfulness I'd had in a good LONG time.

So, today I got tested.

The good news is that I'm not allergic to wheat or dairy.

The bad news is that I'm allergic to almost everything else.

In particular: Bermuda Grass.

This shit is everywhere. I'm not botanist, but it looks like it's growing in my miniscule back yard. It's impossible to kill, as has a deep root system and will grow back from the tiniest bit of remains. I'm tempted to irradiate the soil.
It doesn't like shade, which would suggest maybe planting a tree. But what kind? More on that in a moment.

Perennial Rye Grass

I had the strongest reaction to this. It appears to be the standard suburban lawn. I.e the stuff that my parents made me mow every week. Bastards. Fortunately, it requires lots of water and maintenance, so I won't be finding it growing wild on my property. I may need to secretly pee all over my neighbor's lawns at night, though.

Lamb's Quarter

I don't think this is growing here, but I've seen some pics that look like the stuff growing in between the cracks in my walkway. Hard to say, though. It's edible, and a substitute for spinach. Now, I can't each spinach in large doses because of my kidney stones, and now it looks like I'm at war with the entire family!

English Plantain

Ok, I've never seen this. So that's fine. You keep your distance English Plantain, and I'll keep mine. Just remember, there's not enough room in this town for the both of us. I see you... I cut you.

Oak Tree

Oh crap. I live in OAK-LAND. Of course, this city pretty much deforested itself of all oaks decades ago, but still. CRAP! My floor is made of oak! That's it, if my floor starts to pollinate, I'm gonna get it replaced with cheap linoleum.
In any event, I need to stop licking my floor.

Olive Tree

Olive trees? Really? I like olives. And the trees look so cool. Well, so much for my trip to Jerusalem.

Walnut Tree

This is just getting ridiculous. Walnut trees? Really?

White Alder

Clearly, I need to go into a career in forestry.

Elm Trees

Ok, FINE. I will never go outdoors again. Are you happy now?

Western Sycamore

So basically I'm allergic to grass and trees. Yes, I'm fine with ragweed, house dust, acacia, cedar trees.... and dogs and cats.

Wait, I'm not allergic to cats? How is that possible? Unless.... unless... they've been out and about rolling in perennial rye and bermuda grass! Kaaaaahhhhnnnnn!

Still, good to know that if I get an indoor cat, I should be ok with it.

How does your garden grow?

2009-03-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned lately how happy I am about the Obama administration?

I mean, sometimes it's the little things that just make me smile. A White House garden, with a portion of the vegetables going to feed the local homeless?

Marvelous.

Things on this end have been challenging. Work is kicking my ass, and I've fallen sick AGAIN, after coming so very close to getting over the persistent cough from the last cold. I'm seeing a doctor for a checkup in two weeks, but I don't know what he'll tell me besides "You should lose about 10 lbs" and "yeah, it's going around."

iScan, along with the rest of the Bay Area One Act Festival has closed, and I'm in rehearsals for The One Eyed Man Is King, by Carter Lewis. It turns out that Dylan Russell (Radiostar, Manumission) knows Mr. Lewis, proving once again that the world consists of about 500 people.

I'm horribly behind on editing Radiostar shows due to a freelance gig I just completed, but hope to get a new show out this week. I have a lot of hopes for productivity this weekend, but will likely accomplish very little as I really do need to rest. Still, all the grass I attacked a few weeks ago is back at "no one lives here" levels, so I may need to tackle it again. Yes, I'm turning into everyone's suburban Dad. God help us all.

No other news to speak of. Most of my energy right now is directed towards work, which is demanding it quite forcefully. I think I'm just about on top of things, though, so I'm hoping for a little equilibrium in the very near future.

I'm delusional in that way.

Watchmen

2009-03-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Sure, I could pontificate on the movie, but why bother when you've got this?

accountability

2009-03-02T11:42:00.001-08:00

It occurs to me that I forgot to write an important part of the last post, which is that I'm immensely grateful to have someone in my life to hold me accountable to do the things for myself that I know I should.

I've looked at Dentist offices for years, thinking, I need to do that. I've signed up for a gym, and even lasted a couple of months. I've tried this thing, and that thing, and all without any real result.

Ultimately, I need someone to hold me accountable, even if all that means is that I have to look them in the eye on a regular basis and be reminded by their example.

It's why I started writing a blog, all those years ago. I knew that without some sense of audience, some sense of accountability I would never get beyond writing a journal only during times of great distress and heartache. How very boring. By feeling that someone out there was holding me accountable, I would write more consistently.

Like most people, in a vacuum, I move towards inertia.

Healthy choices

2009-03-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

I've never been particularly good at self care. It's not that I don't acknowledge the benefits of a better diet and more exercise, I'm just not that good at maintenance.

Lame, I know, but there you go.

So, I'm now dating a vegetarian who loves to run and is highly invested in keeping me on the planet for as long as humanly possible. She's already got me eating many more vegetables than usual, and has gotten me to the dentist for the first time in *mumble* years.

Yeah, I'm not proud of that. When I moved to Oakland, I just never got around to finding a new dentist. For those of you who know me... yeah, it's been that long. Amazingly, other than cranky gums and an insane amount of buildup, my teeth seem to be none the worse for wear.

Also, I've undone the good I'd managed to do on my credit card balance by buying a Wii and a WiiFit. The WiiFit is sitting upstairs, and I should have the Wii proper by Friday. I think that she's more excited than I am, but from everything I've heard, this may actually work for someone like me.

-----------

Of course what inspired me to share this with you is the news I got off today's White House Blog posting.

"President Obama also said today that $155M from the Recovery Act will go toward supporting 126 new health centers across the country, providing care to 750,000 Americans and creating 5,000 jobs."

Granted, California could stand to have all of those, given our size and population density, but overall this is an awesome use of federal moneys. I'm extremely proud of our president. I also love how his language on this issue hasn't changed from his campaign speeches, and that he's very aggressively preparing for the backlash from the health care and pharmaceuticals companies. Check out his weekly statement to see what I mean.

Did you know?

2009-02-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

T.M. Camp asked (via Twitter) if this excited or scared me.

Excited.

Budget

2009-02-26T18:44:00.001-08:00

Ever since 2000, I've been lucky enough to not have to worry too much about money. Since 2005, when I sold my car and became a born again pedestrian, I've not worried at all. I always made more than I spent, and if I DID spend a little more than the last paycheck, I had a good, solid buffer in place.

Then I bought a house.

These months are the hardest, as I've dumped everything I have into the down payment, closing costs, renovation costs, and trying to toss a little extra into the mortgage payments to save me a ton of money in the long run.

And my bank account is looking pretty damn small right now.

A lot of people I now literally live paycheck to paycheck, and I'm not quite that low. Not yet. But I'm going to be seeing a lot fewer shows over the next few months, and being a bit less social. Ok, part of that last is due to rehearsals for my next show, but it's also because I just don't have any scratch.

As distressing as I find my situation, I know I have enough money in the bank to pay my bills. I know that my second biggest monthly financial commitment will go away in a mere eight months... and maybe sooner. But that doesn't stop me from compulsively checking my bank balance every couple of days.

I'll start doing my taxes soon, and that should give me a windfall that I desperately need. That's encouraging, but it's still a month or two down the road before I can expect to get any cash back.

So, if I don't come see your show, or if I don't offer to pay for dinner, or if I just generally seem to be a little more scarce than usual, forgive me.

-------

also, in thematically related news, Obama has put his budget online for citizen review. I highly recommend that you subscribe to the White House blog's RSS feed, which I've found to be a fantastic way to get news about what is happening in the new administration.

More from the New Frontiersman

2009-02-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

I know I may be setting myself up for disappointment, but damn it if it doesn't look like they really get it. Here's hoping the Watchmen movie lives up to it.

Excellent points about the stimulus

2009-02-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

Saw this on CNN. The man's got a good point about the Republican list of things to remove from the stimulus plan.

Updating instead of getting work done

2009-01-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

Things are going well on this end. Here's a few updates:

The house is developing nicely. I've been here for almost three weeks now, and it feels more and more like my home than this big building that I'm inhabiting. Having the kitchen done and all the appliances hooked up will make a huge difference, as it's hard to settle in someplace when your only water comes from bathroom sinks, your dining room is filled with cabinets and your fridge is in the living room.

It's been nice having Suraya as a houseguest during this time, although we rarely see each other. A more constant companion has been her cat, Midnight, who has taken an aggressive shine to me. Unfortunately I have a mild allergy to cats, and Midnight is very dander-y. Still, whenever I choose to work downstairs, I have a loudly purring ball of night who routinely head-butts me and burrows into my side until I pay attention to her.

iScan is gearing up, with our first production meeting. I've secured the only missing prop (the couch) and we go into rehearsals in two weeks.

The One Eyed Man is King is a show I'll be acting in at the Phoenix Theatre, this May. Directed by Bahati Bonner and co-starring Andi Trindle, it's going to be a really great show and a true challenge for me. I'm looking forward to it, and really need to start working on the script.

Radiostar: Improv is relaunching for 2009. We've had a couple of weeks of recording sessions and I've just been handed "Hypnosis" (working title) for editing and posting (hopefully this week). I also want to get back to work on the fourth cartoon.

The 411 script continues slowly. I'm about a third of the way through it, I think. I hope to get some work on it done this week.

Everything else is up in the air. Steve is gathering forces for the Sweetie Tanya re-recording session and I need to get working on the cast gift. I was very heartened by a spontaneous love-message-fest by the cast on Facebook, and need to be sure that Tanya doesn't drift in the aether for too long. The novel continues to glare at me from the pile, along with Wings to Fly, Mammals in Collision, Called to the Sea and SickFucker.

on the side of unproductivity, as I arrange my bookshelves, I've been reading through some of my old comics. Some are being put in a pile for Craigslist or eBay duty, and others I'm finding are as compelling and fresh as they were back in the 90's when I got them. In particular, I've renewed my appreciation for John Francis Moore's run on X-Men 2099 and Eric Luke's run on Ghost. Sadly, I couldn't find much in the way of interviews for them. I forget sometimes that people don't often interview writers. It probably doesn't matter, because what I'm most curious about are Moore's thoughts about the way that Marvel obliterated the 2099 imprint, and Luke's thoughts about the direction Ghost took after he left the series that he invented. These are topics that people are loathe to speak candidly about in public, since they may need to work with certain parties again in the future.

Resist

2009-01-13T18:18:00.000-08:00

I could write about adjusting to being in the new house.
I could write about marching for peace in Gaza in San Francisco.

But I want you to see this protest in Israel itself.

checklist

2008-12-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

gas and electric scheduled for transfer, check.
phone and DSL scheduled for transfer, check.
mail service scheduled for transfer, check.

I close escrow on Tuesday. I finish the move on January 3rd. I'll have DSL up and running on Monday the 5th.

People are being amazingly supportive and giving. A friend of Lorelei's is offloading a table-desk on me, which will live in the recording studio/laundry room. Kristi has a friends who is offloading a queen sized bed with sleigh-frame for a pittance. There are rumors of other items in the pipeline as well that people would rather sell super cheap or give away than have to trash (like sheds or even hot tubs). It's all quite amazing.

I've still got some major purchases to make (washer, dryer, fridge, stove, dishwasher), but thanks to another friend I should be able to get these at contractor prices. We've already gotten a completely new cabinet set for $500.

In all of this I continue to be flabbergasted.

The first month will be chaotic, as Chris rips out the kitchen and downstairs bathroom and reassembles it, I'll be using the upstairs bathroom exclusively, as will my houseguest, and I'll probably have the fridge hooked up in the living room. Dishes may be done in the upstairs bathroom sink for a bit. Still, it's all more than good, and it will be for a very brief period.

On Tuesday, Kristi will help me move the boxes that are already packed (mostly books, DVDs, knick knacks, summer clothes, and art) into the house, unpack it all and put it in the corner. Then I'll take the boxes back and pack up the remainder of office and kitchen stuff for the move on the 3rd.

Now, I need to contact a locksmith, and then I'll need to find out how to turn off the alarm system on Tuesday so it quits beeping futilely.

Happy new year.

looking at the big picture

2008-12-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Like many, I got my feathers ruffled when I started getting emails about how Rick Warren was doing the opening prayer at Barack Obama's inauguration. A slap in the face of the gay and transgender community! Salt on the wound of Prop 8! Petition! Clamour!

And then I read the article in the New York Times. Yes, Rick Warren is doing the opening speech, and yes Rick Warren was a major voice for Prop 8 and against the gay community.

However

"Ms. Douglass noted that the benediction, or closing prayers, would be offered by the Rev. Joseph E. Lowery, a civil rights icon who has expressed support for gay marriage, and that the Lesbian and Gay Band Association would march in the inaugural parade, the first time such a group would do so."

This puts a new light on things, and is entirely within Obama's way of handling matters. What is he saying with these choices? I believe he's saying, as he did on his election night "I am the President of ALL America." This isn't anything new. Part of the reason I elected him is because he's interested in getting people together in the same room and talking to each other.

Still, note the order.

We are transitioning from a right wing, fundamentalist regime to something quite different. We open this transition with a voice from the Right. A strident voice, loud and harsh. We close the transition with a very different prayer, a different voice, one of civil rights and equality.

I don't think anything Obama does is accidental. I won't be signing any petitions against Rick Warren opening the ceremony. I'm fine with that. His voice is one of the many voices of the American people, and we should not deny him or his followers the right to pray for our president. But at the end of things, it is not his voice that will linger in the air, but another's.

Music and comedy

2008-12-03T11:50:00.001-08:00

I wish Milk had come out two months earlier, but regardless I highly recommend everyone go check it out.

On a lighter note, let's look at our current battle through the eyes of community musical theatre.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Also, for gamers, you'll want to check out this musical game.

On Race

2008-12-01T14:10:00.001-08:00

I just finished two books: No Matter How Much You Promise to Cook or Pay the Rent, You Blew It Cauze Bill Bailey Ain't Never Coming Back Again, by Edgardo Vega Yunqué and Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama.

Both books deal largely with issues of race, and with issues of identity around being multi-racial in particular. One is fictional, and one is biographical. Both, in their own ways, are at times heartbreaking.

Back in college, I took a fairly awful class that was being taught by a guest professor. It was part of my performing arts minor, but I honestly couldn't tell you anything I learned in the class. There was one interaction that I've never forgotten, however. I don't remember why, or the larger context of the discussion, but the instructor told me that I was a racist. I protested, and she dismissed me casually, saying that by virtue of being a white male I was a racist and that was that.

I had never been so insulted in my life, and I mean that without hyperbole.

Now, almost twenty years later, I think I understand a little bit of what she so cavalierly claimed. In my time with the California School Leadership Academy I was exposed to a lot of research about racial attitudes and especially about the ignorance that white people tend to have about their own racial experience. Most white people wouldn't even claim to HAVE a racial experience because we equate whiteness with normality. We don't have a white experience, we're just normal. Be normal like us.

This was about ten years ago, and opened my eyes to a whole host of assumptions I had made about my life and experience. I was not actively engaged in any oppression, wasn't in the habit of uttering racially derogatory statements or epithets, and thought myself relatively free of racial attitudes. But I had no sense that my white suburban history provided me with a life experience that was ... well ... white, privileged, special. My life experience was NOT normal, and in fact had little to do with the life experience of most people on the planet.

Since then, I've evolved a more sophisticated understanding of how race plays a factor in my life, but these books held another surprise for me. Obama's reflections in particular gave me a jolt.

He talks about the full blown resentment towards whites by those who are under oppression. It is not based on individual actions, but is based on history and despair and suspicion. I could spend my days doing everything I can to alleviate suffering in a poor, predominantly black area and it might do little to nothing to heal race barriers because my actions could be resented because my presence was an example of the white man's ability to choose to do whatever he wanted, and the fact that I could walk away at any moment from the suffering I had embraced would make me an object of distaste and suspicion. My very presence in such a community would act as a reminder of white privilege. This is phrased awkwardly, but what Obama describes is a catch-22, a social paralysis. No matter what I might do to heighten my awareness, no matter what acts I might take to help fix the injustice and social inequity around me, my very freedom to act marks me as the oppressor... as one who is simply patronizing.

In short, by being a white male, I am viewed as a racist.

Of course, this in and of itself is racist thinking and white people are not the only racists in the country, let alone the world. But the problem stands even more starkly before me as a result of this realization. No matter how much I try to live in a way that does no harm, shows equity, and tries to withhold judgement on those I encounter until I see them in fullness, I stand as recipient of a history of harmfulness, blindness, and oppression.

The visiting professor was right, in her way, although she did absolutely nothing to help me understand her statement at the time.

So, where do I stand currently? In the same spot I have been, really. I stand in a position of awareness not only of my own experience and cultural inheritance, but also where I stand in the cultural inheritance of others. To those who know me, I can move outside that placeholder, but for those who see me on the street, on BART, in the local shops, I carry my own kind of stigma. The best I can do is to acknowledge these histories and refuse to play into expectations.

It's a start.

Pics of the house

2008-11-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

I took a bunch of pics when I went to meet the house inspectors.

I've got them on my Flickr page, which is here.

It's not much to look at yet, but transformations will occur!

Inspections

2008-11-24T16:37:00.000-08:00

So, I met with the building inspectors today. The roof guy had apparently already come and gone, so I didn't get the "on the spot" report from him, but I did talk with the house inspector and the termite guy.

There are some issues. The downstairs bathroom essentially has to be completely ripped out and repaired, as it's got leaks around the toilet and bathtub, and the walls and floor have gone spongy. I thought the tub and toilet were a bit grotty anyway, so this isn't horrifying, and the upstairs shower and toilet are in great shape. So, the first project will be the downstairs bathroom, which will be otherwise off limits to any guests I have.

The other major issue was with the stove that the selling bank just put in. There is no external vents for the gas stove, which makes it a health and safety issue. We need a downward vent stove, otherwise I've got to install a big ugly duct going out the side wall. A downward venting stove would be more elegant and cheaper. So I need the selling bank to take back the stove they put in (which isn't even hooked up) and put an appropriate one in.

Other than that, there was a single pipe issue that seems pretty easy to fix and the myriad little details around the house that I plan to fix over the next several years. For a 100 year old house, it's in really good condition.

So, we'll get the full report, get some hard numbers, and see if the bank will at least fix the stove and push for a price drop due to the bathroom.

Status Updates

2008-11-24T10:02:00.000-08:00

It seems a good idea to get a list of status updates going, so I can get it straight in my own head if nothing else.

Sweetie Tanya soundtrack: In Process.
Due to litigation concerns, Steve Kahn has rewritten the opening and closing number, and I've given the new tunes the thumbs up. Steve is working on arrangements and we'll go back into the studio soon to record them. Neil Howard is locating a singer to do his tune "Vengeance is best served hot", so we'll add that to the recording list as well. In the meanwhile, I am going to get our final contracts worked up for all the artists and see if I can start releasing the finalized songs on iTunes or CD-Baby as individual tracks while we wait for the last few numbers to get finished.

iScan: Feb 2009.
Peggy Powell's one-act will be remounted with the original cast for the 2009 Bay Area One Act Festival at the Eureka Theatre in February. We'll go back into rehearsal on Feb 2nd and open on the 19th.

The One-Eyed Man is King: May 2009.
I'll be performing as the blind thief Bendalli at the Phoenix Theatre.

Radiostar--Improv: Ongoing Production. We're still meeting pretty much weekly, and I've committed to getting a new audio show out every OTHER week. Ostensibly this should allow me time to work concurrently on the animated series.

Radiostar--Animated Series: Limping in production.
Episode 4 is about 2/3rds through the first of its seven scenes.

411: In writing stage.
Progress is slow on this, but I'm 36 pages into the first draft. The goal is to go into production the fall of 2009, but we'll see.

Tales of the Planes--Unification : Limbo.
I'm seven chapters into this novel and haven't touched it in a year and a half. It's not dead, but sleeping.

Sick Fucker: Gestating.
I have the story in my head, but haven't gotten the first word on paper.

Mammals in Collision: Limbo.
The first two acts are written, but have been for a couple of years.

Wings to Fly: Limbo.
I need a composer to turn my draft into a musical, and will start a second draft when I find him or her.

Called to the sea: Gestating.
This short story still wants to be told, but has to wait.

Submergency: Uncertain.
There has been talk of doing a show in March, but I'm not sure I have the bandwidth and recent events combined with other nascent projects may have soured enthusiasm on this one.

Tom Sup: Limbo, probably dead.
The third chapter in The Adventures of Tom Sup may be a graphic novel someday, but it's unlikely.

Pinch: Limbo.
I'd love to do a film version of my malformed nightmare-play, but it's little more than a flicker on the back burner.

Pond: Uncertain.
Conceived as a warmup to making 411, I have the notes and outline all ready, but until get the 411 script done, it sits neglected.

Pharmarsupial: Dead of improv overdose.

The Knifies: Gestating.
Diana Brown is working on an outline for this improv-film for me to review once I get 411 off the ground.

Vagina Dentata: Resting.
I need to see if I can find anyone interested in producing the show, which was well received.

Sweetie Tanya: Resting.
I need to see if I can find anyone interested in producing the show, which was well received. This, of course, needs to wait until we get the new songs done.

In a Distant Country: Resting.
I've given this play to a church that I know has an interest in readings, and possibly production, but who knows. It'd be nice to see my first play remounted, though.

On the Radio

2008-11-10T15:26:00.001-08:00

So, it looks like I was on Peter Finch's "Beat of the Bay" on KFOG. Peter came and saw "Pulp Scripture" and covers the event, including about 95% of the Isaac and Abraham story (me, Dennis McIntyre, and Linda Ayers-Frederick). The rest of it is an interview with playwright William Bivins and the very beginning of the Adam and Eve sequence with me and Emily Jordan making very naughty noises in a church.

It's on the KFOG site, Nov 8th, 2008 episode, at 17:30.

A frequently asked question

2008-11-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

I did a staged reading of some short plays based on the saucier moments in the Old Testament. It was a delight to do, and I felt spurred to forward the church coordinator a copy of my first play, "In a Distant Country". This led, as many conversations inevitably do, to the question of why I left the church after completing a four year degree in Biblical Studies and three years of Seminary.

I get asked this often enough, that I figured I might as well post the answer here. It doesn't deal with the specific circumstances around my departure, but it explains, in my mind, why I continue to maintain my distance from the church I had dedicated so much of my young life to.

---------------------------

Ah, yes. It's, as I'm sure you can guess, a popular inquiry and one that could fill an evening in discussion.

While there were personal aspects to the decision to change my vocation and move towards a broader theological perspective, there were also spiritual and intellectual ones as well, which are probably more vital.

Through my study of church history, I began to become more and more uncomfortable with the exclusivity of the messianic message, and less and less convinced that it was what Jesus had in mind. The rise of codified doctrine as the church moved out of a place of persecution and into one of power, and the radically different ways that the "one way" looked when viewed from different points in history/economy/race/class structure... all this presented me with a real problem. The vast majority of what we call Christianity has seemed to do mostly with maintaining power structure, contemporary moral codes, and social mores.

Much of this goes back to what, in my mind, has been the supplanting of the teachings of Jesus for the exhortations and governmental mindset of Paul. Paul's very authority was questioned repeatedly by those who actually walked with Jesus, and has been established by a particular form of circular logic: Paul's churches, which were attractive to wealthy "god-fearing" Gentiles who admired Judaism but didn't want to deal with being circumcised as adults or obey the dietary laws, grew and succeeded. Because these churches were successful, while others were not, the letters of the founder get exalted to the writ of the Holy Spirit.

Paul's conversion became the model of Christian faith (and the basis for the idea of being Born Again) starting with Augustine, continuing to make Paul and his perspective the normative one in the church. As time moves farther and farther from the source, Paul's ad hoc attempts to bring his fledgling churches under control become used over and over again to apply universal rules of behavior to the believing community. The vast majority of ills the world has suffered at the hands of the church have, in my mind, come from Paul's often misunderstood comments about women, his attempts to calm down unruly behavior, and his vitriolic defense of his authority from the skepticism and denouncements of the Apostles.

I have no issue with Jesus, but I do believe that he viewed himself and his mission as essentially Jewish in nature. He only dealt with gentiles when they forced themselves upon him and became an object lesson of the kind of faith and passion he was trying to inspire in his own people. My issue is with Paul, and the hellenization of a jewish spirituality that came to owe as much to Plato as it does to Moses and the prophets.

Again, there was much going on in my personal life as well when I made the actual split, but the concerns from a theological level had been developing for years.

I don't know if that qualifies as a story, but the more narrative part of this deals more with the circumstances that forced me to take a good hard look at myself, what I was doing, where I was going, and why. It tells why I stood back at that time, but this explains why I have remained on the outside, sympathetic to a compassionate theology and believing community, but separate from it.

Joy and Sorrow

2008-11-05T13:49:00.000-08:00

It feels like I should write something about the last 24 hours.

I'm deeply, profoundly glad and relieved that Barack Obama will be taking over as President in January. In many ways, it feels like I'm getting my country back.

At the same time, I'm incredibly sad that Proposition 8 passed here in California. I'm also sad because I feel that it passed because people believed the lies put forth by the proponents of the proposition. "Our schools will be forced to teach gay marriage," "churches will be punished if they don't perform gay marriage ceremonies", etc. This is what is known as "bearing false witness". Schools don't teach marriage now, so why would they have to teach gay marriage? Churches don't have to perform a wedding for anyone who asks for it, so why would they be punished in the future for it? My church, growing up, was very clear that if the pastor didn't feel good about the proposed union, he wouldn't do the service.

So we had a conservative religious push to change our state constitution that felt the need to lie to get its agenda passed.

I believe that a large number of people voted for Prop 8 because they believed the lies. They believed that it was going to force a worldview they weren't totally comfortable with into the public schools. They believed that their religious freedom was going to be curtailed. They were lied to, and they were lied to by people who are supposed to believe that "the truth shall set you free."

Hypocrisy and hate disguised as moral uprightness are nothing new for the church (regardless of whether it's the Catholic church, the Baptist church, or the Mormon church). Still, it makes me sad that the voters of California took away the liberties of others in the belief that they were protecting their own. It makes me sad that people who claim to be "Pro-America" do everything they can to subvert the very democratic process they are supposed to protect.

God's gonna be pissed

2008-10-30T10:54:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Dave over at Terminal Velocity for this.

Christians praying over a golden (technically bronze) calf (technically bull).

I find this seriously baffling. Then again, in my experience many Christians have an appalling ignorance of their own sacred texts. Let's just say that that last time the people of YHWH dealt with graven images of bulls it didn't go over so well.

In other news. I've put an offer in for a house. I should hear something at some point in the next week.

adventures in home shopping

2008-10-28T10:27:00.001-07:00

So, I took a long lunch yesterday and visited (and re-visited) some properties with my realtor. We started out at a place I've been looking at in West Oakland. It's a cute little place in what is turning into a nice little oasis neighborhood. For those of you who aren't local, West Oakland doesn't have the best reputation and large parts of it deserve that reputation. This place was nice, though, and had the benefit of a large basement level that had been converted into an extra room and bathroom. It would make an ideal sound studio. I was wary, however, due to the extensive work that needed to be done on the roof, the kitchen, and the floors throughout. Still, all that would come out on the Seller's end if I made getting it all fixed a precondition of sale. We left, and I considered the little Queen Anne's cottage an ongoing option.

The next place was a home I'd been interested in before, but had gone off the market for a few weeks. It only a couple of blocks from MacArthur BART, which was very appealing to me. There were many things about the place that I liked: interesting floor plan, lots of built in wall cabinets, good wood floors, a fully updated kitchen, lemon and pear trees in the back, and a somewhat odd DIY covered and elevated back porch that extended a good twenty feet into the back yard. It was enclosed with plastic windows, and a small window opening to allow someone to feed laundry out to a long pulley operated clothesline. My realtor guessed that whoever had lived here was afraid to go outside, but after seeing the bathroom, I suspected that she simply couldn't get up and down the stairs. The bathroom was incredibly tiny, with no shower, bright pink bathtub and toilet, and lots of guardrails around the bathtub. The attic entrance was directly over the bathtub. It looked like at some point the bathroom had been moved from a normal sized room at some point and that a little hallway had been turned into the bathroom instead. It would have to be completely redone and an existing "Bedroom" turned into a bathroom. The home was across from a High School campus, which made it a bit noisy, but not too bad. What was a killer was the family of three pitbulls on one side of the house, and another very loud barking dog on the other side. As soon as they saw activity, the dogs began barking furiously, spurring each other to new heights of volume. The family of pitbulls settled down after about 10 minutes, but the other dog kept on furiously. That became a dealbreaker. Between having to completely redo the bathroom and the potential of non-stop barking, this home fell down on the list.

We scratched another house off the list due to complications with current tenants and possible other offers that had been made and headed down south to Fruitvale. Fruitvale had a similar reputation to West Oakland, but has been seeing significant changes over the last decade. That said, certain parts are still referred to as "Murder Row". Fortunately, the parts I was interested in were a good ten blocks from there. Crime stats for the area were reasonable, or at least reasonable for Oakland.

Thus, the third house we actually looked at was one I'd had my eye on for the last two weeks. A cute little home on 36th ave that needed an appointment in order to view. We hadn't been able to look at it the last time we checked properties, but now had the chance to check it out. It was occupied by a family of six: husband, wife, grandmother, and three kids. We quickly moved through the house, but I knew after about three seconds that there was no way in hell I could evict this family. I let my realtor know that I'd seen enough and we left, with the kids peering at us through the back fence. He let me know that they were renting, not owners. I hope that whoever buys the house buys it as a rental property. The thought that I was looking over the home with the intent to dispossess them was the most horrible feeling I've had in some time. I might as well have been wearing my top hat and greatcoat, twirling my mustache.

All this took us back to the first property I looked at a week and a half earlier. Less than half a mile from Fruitvale BART, a nice tree lined street, low crime (and extremely sturdy and pointy fence as well), no yard to have to deal with, two stories, and in pretty good shape across the board. I had been uncertain about it when I first saw it, but after seeing over a dozen properties in my price range, it's clearly the best deal available (not counting the dream victorian that was never to be mine, despite my weeping a million tears). What I didn't know then, but know now, was how easy it would be to replace the carpet upstairs with a hardwood floor and how trivial it would be to reroute the washer and dryer outlets so that they lead INTO the building instead of the back yard. Most everything else visibly wrong with the property is long term cosmetic fixes and improvements. Clean up the floor, soap and paint the walls, re-paint or stain the cabinets... nothing that I couldn't move in and to over the next several months or years.

So, I'm placing an offer with the bank.

Whazzup

2008-10-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

truth being stranger than fiction

2008-10-22T21:54:00.001-07:00

Neil Gaiman posted this little slice of life over on his journal, and it so tickled me that I thought I'd post it. It's the kind of thing that Douglas Adams might have invented.

"I opened the Google window and found myself looking at an advert for a G1 phone. A couple of clicks later I was on the T-mobile website, checking prices and thinking, "Well, I do need a new phone..."

But randomly buying a phone I haven't even held seemed like, well, something that I couldn't imagine myself doing. I wanted to hold it. I wanted to know the specs and such, so I put dog in the back of the car and drove to the local T-Mobile shop.

I knew I was in the right place because there were huge posters everywhere, some bigger than I was, all advertising the new t-Mobile G1.

"Hello," I said, like a man entering a cheeseshop. "I'd like to play with a G1, please."

There was a man and a woman behind the counter. They said they were sorry but they didn't have a G1 for me to play with.

"When will you get them in?"

"We won't get them in."

"No?"

"No."

"Look, are we talking about the same thing? G1 phone. The one on that poster. And that poster. And that one..." The posters were staring at me from the counter. They were all around me.

"No. We won't sell it. We're out of the range and the Google and things that the phone comes with, they won't work on it."

I pulled out my phone, a Nokia N 73, with a T-Mobile SIM card, that happily spends much too much time on the internet doing, er, Google and things. "But this works here..."

"The G1 won't work. It won't do the Google here. So we aren't allowed to sell it."

"But...." I tried to think with this. then I said, "But you have posters." I gestured at them. All pictures of the phone in question, extolling its virtues and explaining that you could only get it here.

"We're a T-Mobile franchise. They send them to us. That's what we have to put up. The posters they send."

"Well, can we talk about the G1 specs?"

"We don't know them." The man and the woman behind the counter seemed very sad about this. The man added, wistfully,"We don't even know the price."

I knew the price, from the website earlier, and I felt guilty about this.

"They have them in the Twin Cities," said the woman. "You could buy one there."

"But if I buy it there, it still won't work here?"

"No," she said, with sadness and with, I suspect envy in her voice. "but they sell it."

There was a bit of a pause. I think I may have said, "Sorry about the posters," as I went out, or I may have just thought it very loudly. They all had pretty pictures of the G1 on them, a phone I don't think I'm going to bother getting."

Some funny

2008-10-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

This is one of the funniest parodies I've seen in some time.
Yeah, it's old news, but still....

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

rise and fall

2008-10-20T09:11:00.001-07:00

Sunday was an unusual day, and worthy of note for me.

I spent the afternoon driving around and viewing properties in Oakland with a realtor. Given the dual circumstances of rapidly dropping home prices and actually having some money for a down payment, I've decided that I'd be a fool to not start looking.

The first place we went to was on a very cute street, and has some potential, although I ripped my pants jumping the fence since the folks handling the property weren't answering their phone to give us the front gate key-code. We had the code to get in the front door though. Quite a bit of potential, but oddly enough the hook-ups for the washer and dryer were on the outside of the house, leading into the non-existent backyard. I don't mind the lack of yard, but I'm not particularly interested in having my washer and dryer out in the rain.

Some homes we couldn't get into without an appointment, which we didn't have, and one or two I vetoed as soon as we pulled up to them. One had clear dry rot in the eaves, which suggested that the entire roof might be in need of replacement. One new home in a nice new development had a particularly vile carpet that looked like ghouls had been using the place as a larder. (Not soaked in blood, just disgustingly filthy.)

Then we came to a property that I had shown up in my inbox a couple of days ago, and I was curious to see. A Victorian home, built in 1891, not far from the West Oakland BART station. 1,600 sq ft, two stories, six rooms. At $232,000 I was sure it had to be a disaster area, but I still wanted to see it, just because of it's age.

Lush foliage peeked over the fence that surrounded the property, and as we opened the gate I was struck at how the front yard space was crammed with a blue spruce, a lemon tree, large ferns and many other plants I couldn't name properly. While my realtor got the front door open, I walked along the side of the building, moving through the plants and checking out the back "yard", which was a study in contrasts, acting as a fully paved two or three car parking area. I moved back to the front and climbed the stairs, walking inside and finding a marbled floor, curving stairs in classic red patterned carpet to the right, and a front room to the left that had clearly been used as a recording studio, with dozens of outlets along the walls, and new cabling everywhere. The kitchen was enormous, with a large fridge and a very nice gas stove that couldn't have been more than a couple of years old. Lovely dining area, and up the stairs were four bedrooms. Everything was in good condition. Some of the carpet would need to be replaced, of course, and while I loved the vibrant red of the stairwell and entryway, and the blue of the kitchen, some of the walls would need to be repainted. Overall, however, it was a dream. A vision.

As we left, the neighbor inquired how long it had been on the market, and what it was going for. His friends had lost the home, and they had been using it as a base of operations for their music business. The large portable storage in his lot was all the equipment, and they had been hoping to get the house back, but didn't realize it had been on the market for a week. I felt bad for them, but still desperately wanted the house.

I had fallen a bit in love with it. It was more than I could ever have dreamed of.

We viewed a couple of other properties, including one that would need to be completely refloored, but that I could otherwise have for a song. But compared to the ancient victorian, nothing could catch my eye.

I got home and looked up the property online. I wanted to double check transportation routes and crime stats. I wanted to be sure that there wasn't something I was missing before I moved to make a bid on the house.

It wasn't there. Many properties weren't there. My saved search had been five pages of results, and now it was two. I went to my "Saved Properties" and saw my precious, and next to status it said "Pending." In the four or five days since the listing had appeared in my inbox, someone had made a bid on the property and it had been accepted by the bank. I had been looking at a home that wasn't even available.

The Race

2008-10-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

A big thanks to Pema for posting this. It's the best reflection on race and the election that I've seen, being succinct, focused, and clear.

------------

You may have seen this in your inbox. If not, cue up your considerations.

WHAT IF...?

Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin. What if things were switched around? Would the country's collective point of view be different?....think about it.

Ponder the following:

What if the Obamas had walked five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama had left his first wife after a severe car accident disfigured her?

What if Obama met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the candidate's wife who became addicted to painkillers and acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)

What if McCain were a charismatic, eloquent speaker and Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama were the candidate whose military experience included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?

What if Obama were the candidate known to display publicly a serious anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

If these questions reflected reality, do you believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

Could racism be the culprit?

Racism covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

Consider educational backgrounds, and the opinions they might effect, were the switch to continue.

Barack Obama -
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude (that means "top of class")

Joseph Biden -
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

John McCain - United States Naval Academy
Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin -
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters -journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

No politics, really

2008-10-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

Things are quiet at Casa Wilson.

I'm still working from home, which I still love and wouldn't change for the world. The screenplay is coming along slowly but surely, and I've started working on the fourth Radiostar cartoon. Mostly, though, I'm being social. Seeing shows, having movie nights, and spending time with people whenever possible.

Ultimately though, I've been feeling a bit lethargic. I need an exercise buddy. Someone to do regular lake walks with or something. I don't tend to do such things on my own because, well, they're kind of boring on my own. I'd rather hibernate, or watch something, or read, or create, or do anything than just exercise for exercise's sake. It's always been that way.

Nothing much is currently happening on the relationship front, other than me periodically meeting someone, getting interested, and then getting a kind and flattered but ultimately uninterested response. At least, that's how I perceive it. I've never been good at telling when someone isn't interested versus wants to be pursued. Generally, if I make a move and don't get a response, I move on.

This makes it sound like no one has expressed interest, which isn't true, but the challenge is getting interest on both sides. If I could rationally decide who to be attracted to, life would be so much easier.

I had a conversation about this very recently with a friend, who expressed the sentiment that if such and such a person she had been dating wanted kids (and wanted them now), she'd overlook her general lack of attraction to him because he was such a win in every other way.

This kind of horrified me. I understand the impulse, sort of, but it seems like a good way to sabotage things from the get go. I don't believe in "the one", but I do believe that you need something at the core of love other than "works on paper".

Granted, this is also a conversation between someone in their mid twenties and someone in their late thirties. Heaven help me, but I think I've got the "Perspective."

See, age has been a frequent area of reflection lately. As I'm doing less theatre producing right now, my savings is increasing and I'm watching the declining price of homes with interest. I'm 38 and have always rented, and done so happily. I've made little moves every three years or so and really like where I am currently at. I explored buying about six or seven years ago, but just didn't have the resources. Since then I've been doing Cassandra's Call and making periodic jaunts around the globe, so my savings aren't what they might have been had I hunkered down to work up a solid down payment.

Now I'm looking at a 30 year mortgage and wondering how that works when you're almost 40. This also ties into the relationship thing, as the kind of house that I would prefer over my apartment isn't something I can afford on my salary. A dual income, absolutely, but otherwise... not so much. I could get nice places, to be sure, but it would force me deep into the suburbs or even out of state, and I've built too much here to seriously consider that.... or have I?

Deep questions about lifestyle, age, and love are my preoccupations currently. And of course, there is the big question of what happens next with the election next month. But I did say there wouldn't be any politics in this posting.

pushing it

2008-10-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

Big surprise, this emergency bailout is flooded with earmarks.

I got this from SoulCamp

"Included in the new rescue plan are such doozies as "INCREASE IN LIMIT ON COVER OVER OF RUM EXCISE TAX TO PUERTO RICO AND THE VIRGIN ISLANDS" and "SEVEN-YEAR COST RECOVERY PERIOD FOR MOTORSPORTS RACING TRACK FACILITY", as well as a "PERMANENT AUTHORITY FOR DISCLOSURE OF INFORMATION RELATING TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES"?!?

These clowns simply have no limits."

You know it

2008-10-02T09:23:00.001-07:00

Thanks to DeJong for this.

what wasn't said

2008-09-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

First off some significant links.

Over on CNN.com there is a very interesting analyses of missed opportunities in the Obama-McCain debate. What I found most edifying was a list of factors that contributed to the decrease of violence in Iraq, *other* than the surge.

While the entire article is worth reading, there's the list of factors:

Lost in this discussion was the fact that while the surge of some 30,000 American soldiers certainly put more American boots on the ground in neighborhoods from Anbar province to Baghdad to "clear, hold and build" them and was clearly an important element in the sharp decline in violence in the country, there are several other key underlying factors that tamped down the mayhem in Iraq that neither of the candidates addressed:

• First, the appearance in 2006 of the various "Awakening" movements, in which Sunni tribes once allied with al Qaeda turned against it.

• Second, the implementation of the Sons of Iraq program consisting of some 100,000 Sunni militants, many of whom used to be shooting at American soldiers, who are now on the U.S. payroll. Now that's a surge!

• Third, the previous ethnic cleansings in Iraq and the millions of Iraqi refugees who have fled their homes, meaning there are fewer potential targets of sectarian violence.

• Fourth, the large size and increasing efficacy of the Iraqi army and police, some 550,000 strong, who are now beginning to operate with some level of professionalism.

• Fifth, the increasingly nonsectarian approach of Nuri al-Maliki, the Shia prime minister, who has taken on Shiite militias in Basra and Sadr City, an important signal that the government will act in something like the national interest.

• Sixth, the cease-fires ordered in the past year or so by the leader of those Shia militants, the cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, whose position in Iraq has weakened significantly since 2007.

These underlying factors made the surge a force multiplier for the fragile peace we are seeing today in Iraq. And now that the surge is over, it is those factors that might ensure that the fragile peace holds, yet neither Obama nor McCain discussed how these factors might change their own Iraq policies going forward.

---

As for me, I'm a pretty firm Obama supporter. I don't think he's the second coming, but I support him more than I've supported a candidate... well... ever. They way I see it lately, if he can deliver on a third of his promises, I'll be delighted. If McCain delivers on even a third of his promises, I'll be horrified.

---

Things are pretty mellow on this end. Work is slow, and with the third Radiostar cartoon up, and new Audio shows posted, I'm trying to turn my attention to the 411 screenplay. The Sweetie Tanya soundtrack remains in limbo for legal reasons and I need to get some work done on that front as well.

Occupying most of my attention, however, has been a pinched nerve in my shoulder that has severely limited my neck movement. After recommendations of Flexirol and acupuncture, I was assigned to be bartender at Djoke's murder mystery bar-be-que and proceeded to make super strong drinks and send everyone flying... including myself. I woke up today still in pain, but with increased range of movement. Rum beats pharmaceuticals and needles, hands down. Still, I am looking forward to being pain free in the next couple of days.

-----------

The Evil League of Evil is accepting submissions. They want applicants to sing, although it's not required. I have a few ideas, so perhaps I'll make my submission tomorrow night. If so, I'll post a link here.

Hollywood Burn, episode 3

2008-09-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

It's finally done!

Find more videos like this on Channel Frederator RAW

videos

2008-09-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

So, I was going to a film festival last night, but my movie buddy came down sick. I decided to spend the night working on the third Radiostar cartoon instead, and am very pleased to say that it may be finished as early as tomorrow!

In the meanwhile, David Austin-Gröen posted this video, which brought a part of McCain's history to light that I had completely forgotten about.

and Eden Gallanter brought my attention to this SNL clip about sexism in the media that cracked me up.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be posting my own video.

Radiostar spreads

2008-09-12T15:38:00.001-07:00

An animation student used some audio from Radiostar for an animation test.

The original show, "Rebound" can be listened to here.

Ramping up for election theft

2008-09-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

It really makes me ill. McCain's camp says that our economic woes are largely psychological. This isn't news, of course, but that kind of attitude makes the following even more reprehensible.

Republicans in economically devastated swing counties are gearing up to deny people who have recently been foreclosed on the right to vote.

The argument boils down to, "if you lost your home, then you aren't a legal resident, so you don't have a polling place."

That's right, if you're hit hard by our failing economy and want change, you don't get to vote for it. Thank goodness that the Republican party is all about a smaller government that won't meddle in the affairs of its citizens. Thank goodness that they're willing to fight for "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" and the belief that "all men are created equal."

That, and kicking people when they're down in order to maintain their power base.

Earthquake

2008-09-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Neil Gaiman who brought attention to these "comics" about the May earthquake in China.

"comic" couldn't be a stronger misnomer, as they literally brought me to tears.

8 and a half

2008-09-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Fellini's 8 1/2.

I've seen it before, but I couldn't tell you when. I watched it then for the same reason I watched it tonight: because it's an acknowledged masterpiece and because I should.

The last time I watched it, I was simply bewildered. I didn't understand it. I was overwhelmed by it's non-linearity, it's exaggeration, and generally didn't understand the plot or anything about it.

This time... this time I understood it. I understood how memory flows into the present, how the past is always with me, the inability to choose and how that inability limits one's capacity to love, the role of fantasy and daydream and self-delusion.... all of it made sense to me.

I'm not sure if that's a complimentary thing to admit about oneself. It's true, nevertheless.

Make the Right Choice

2008-09-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

RNC

2008-09-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't watch the Republican National Convention, but I've been reading about it. Some of the quotes coming out of it I find just baffling.

All this talk about Republicans and smaller government, and how the people want a smaller, less invasive government so they should vote Republican... from the party that gave us the Patriot Act and has worked to remove so many of our rights.

All this talk about voting Republican so that Government can cut spending, when most of our money has gone to fund wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and will possibly go to fighting a war in Iran.

Democrats do want to spend money, on things like social programs and health care. The Republican pattern has been to spend money on war, and giving breaks to corporations.

Palin is portraying herself as someone who stands up to special interests and big oil after suing the Bush administration for declaring polar bears an endangered species, because it might block her goals to open up Alaska's wilderness for oil drilling.

Continual references to "liberal Washington", after 8 years of Bush and his policies. Look at what has been done in this country over the last 8 years... how liberal has Washington been? Hell, most of our Democrats have been acting like Republicans for the last 8 years. How is that liberal?

Romney referred to America as "what it has always been, the hope of the world." This, after Bush's arrogant approach to foreign policy has reduced the world's opinion of us to pathetic levels.

People talk about Steve Jobs having a reality-distortion field... well, apparently he's given it to the GOP for the season.

Pentecostal Vice President

2008-09-02T13:04:00.001-07:00

Considering how much the media flipped out over Barack Obama's old pastor, I have to wonder what they'll do with Palin's.

It's an interesting article about the church she grew up in and the pastor she followed and who gave the speech in her inauguration. Palin is a full bore fundamentalist Pentecostal. Now her views may differ from her old pastor, but based on her public statements, and the hard core authoritarianism of the church, I doubt it.

Big Green Bus

2008-09-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

I got an email from Cynthia Gregory, who some of you know as half of Savage Eye Productions and the Angel who built the set for Sweetie Tanya.
It was about an event that happened in the Twin Cities. The low-down is that the "Permibus," a large green bus that tours the country making demonstrations about solar panels, composting, and hydroponic farming was pulled over by no fewer than NINE police cars. No reason was given for pulling them over and taking their vehicle (which is also their home) away from them other than "routine traffic stop" and "we need to see if this is vehicle is being used for commercial purposes".

Here's a short article by the Twin Cities Daily Planet. This is a much longer article from Twin Cities Indymedia, which is what Cynthia forwarded me in the first place.

Now call me crazy, but my understanding was that you couldn't pull over a bus and impound it for "potential later search and seizure" without a search warrant. The family was left with all their animals on the side of the road while the cops left with their vehicle and home. No arrests, and no explanations, just nine cars full of cops and vague responses.

I honestly don't know what to make of this, but it seems like something that can't be allowed to slip under the radar, so I'm posting about it. I'd post the police's side of the story, but so far they authorities haven't made a statement.

Another reason for change

2008-08-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Jennifer Jajeh for bringing this to my attention.

Fulbright scholarship winner denied access to U.S., and his education.

Let's stop with the spook show, people. If you're going to screw someone over, let's at least let them know why. This kind of seemingly random douchebaggery doesn't do any good for anybody.

Palin

2008-08-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I'm a bit baffled by McCain's decision to name Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate.

The obvious answer is that he's hoping to lure Clinton supporters. For some people who were only going to support Hillary because she was female... that might work.

But McCain's campaign has relied heavily on pointing out Obama's lack of experience in Washington, and Palin is a first term governor with only two years experience in that office. If experience is a key point of McCain's campaign, then why bring on someone with no national experience to be your running mate?

Obama is heavily stressing the environment in his campaign, and Palin is married to an oil production operator and vocally supports drilling in the Alaskan wilderness.

McCain keeps trying to distance himself from the image of continuing business as usual in Washington, and he chooses a running mate with direct family ties to the oil industry.

Palin won the Governorship based on ethics reform, and yet a staff member of hers tried to get her ex-brother-in-law fired off the police force during a bitter custody trial. She claims that she had nothing to do with it, but the whole thing rings of "will no one rid me of this troublesome priest" to me.

Of course, this doesn't even begin to raise the point that Alaska, saddled with deeply corrupt politicians, finally elects someone who promises to turn the state around... and essentially jumps ship on the state during her first term to run for Vice-President.

Other Fringe goodness

2008-08-25T13:51:00.001-07:00

For those of you in town, Sweetie Tanya songwriter Thessaly Lerner will be up here doing a show for the Fringe Festival.

Here's the info:

Dear Friendsies!
Thessaly Lerner, The Ukulady and her Russian Nanny, played by Jayne Entwistle, are coming to the San Francisco Fringe Festival in The Ukulady's Ponyshow!!!!
WHAT:
The Ukulady's Ponyshow, a variety extravaganza which ran for 9 months in Hollywood! Every show has a different Special Guest and theme, such as Fake Moustaches & Corndogs! Nanny carves a different award-winning potato every show & The Ukulady sings songsies!!
WHEN:
September 5th, Friday at 7pm SHARP! Featuring Susan McCollom & Don Seaver
September 6th, Saturday at 1pm SHARP! Featuring The NeoSurrealists!
September 7th, Sunday at 7pm SHARP! Featuring Gerri Lawlor & Sam Shaw!
September 12th, Friday at 7pm SHARP! Featuring The Whistleaires & Don Seaver!
September 13th, Saturday at 2:30pm SHARP! Featuring OPM & Don Seaver!
September 14th, Sundat at 4pm SHARP! Featuring Gerri Lawlor, Don Seaver & Sam Shaw!
WHERE:
EXIT Theater, San Francisco Fringe Festival! 156 Eddy Street in SF, between Mason & Taylor!
NO LATE SEATING!!! ZERO Late-seating-policy! BE EARLY!!!!
Tickets available at:
www.SFFringe.org
$9 at the door, $11 online

www.ThessalyLerner.com
www.myspace.com/TheUkulady
www.youtube.com/ThessalyLerner

iScan rush

2008-08-24T15:18:00.001-07:00

I haven't actually written much here lately. It's been mostly the link thing.

This is mostly because this week has been more of the same. Work has been busy, rehearsals for iScan have been going well, and everything has become a bit of a blur.

It's actually a good confirmation that I need to take a break from theatre for a while. It's not that I don't still really enjoy it. I do. But the wake-work-rehearse-sleep pattern becomes something like a trance state. This week just ... vanished.

The show, however, is turning out VERY nicely. I'm extremely pleased with the cast and am growing to like the depths of the script more and more as we explore it.

Come on opening night, if at all possible. We have a show opening weekend, and then we have three shows at the end of the festival. So, word of mouth has to happen on that first show. If people see a big crowd moving into Exit on Taylor on opening night, we've got a better chance to get good houses for our last three shows.

Here's the data:
EXIT on Taylor (277 Taylor Street, San Francisco (between Eddy & Ellis))
FRIDAY 5 8:30 PM
THURSDAY 11 8:30 PM
FRIDAY 12 10:00 PM
SUNDAY 14 1:00 PM
TICKETS: $9

----------

No other news per se. I spent much of this weekend helping Radiostarlet Brianne Kostielney move into her new digs in the city, and got to visit Elizabeth and Jay Creeley's place last night. (What, Jay, you thought you got to keep your last name?)

Next week will be a blur, and then we do tech and opening. Keep me in your thoughts and come see the show!

Biden Ballyhoo

2008-08-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks to David Austin-Groen for this link.

I don't know much about Biden, but I like what I see. He's not the most careful speaker in the world, but I like where he's coming from for the most part.

at least so far.

late the party

2008-08-22T17:29:00.001-07:00

This has probably been passed around so much that it's passé, but I still found it pretty funny.

I'm not a huge Will Ferrell fan, but I really like the fact that he's producing his own internet content.

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Hands off

2008-08-22T17:05:00.001-07:00

Mike Sugarbaker drew my attention to this article about sexual harassment at Comic-Con. I'm linking to it here because, as small as my readership is, the more people who are aware of this kind of thing the more likely the folks that run the Con will institute a zero-tolerance policy for sexual harassment of attendees and guests and provide a means for people to report this kind of behavior and have it acted on.

Personally, I don't know if I'll go back to the Con. I enjoy it, but it's expensive as hell to stay in San Diego and the Con is geared towards a much more plugged-in kind of geek. I don't watch TV and most of my comics reading is purely online. I find myself on the fringes of fandom.

If I was more of a toy-buyer, anime-collector, or erotic fantasy art curator, there might be more of a draw for me. As it is, my experience if cons is directly related to who I am hanging out with while sight-seeing.

Basically, Comic Conventions are a lot like Vegas for me in that sense....

The Teen Wolf you never knew

2008-08-15T11:06:00.001-07:00

Greg Ayers drew my attention to this.
It actually took me a few minutes to catch what they were doing, it's been so long since I saw the movie.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Bonnie Erbe is my hero

2008-08-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

Got this off of David Austin-Groen's Blog (which looks a lot like Chris DeJong's Noticer, which makes them, like, twins or something).

I've been without television for several years now, and this is part of the reason why. Entertainment will come out on DVD eventually if it's any good, and the news coverage isn't news at all. We're literally watching two different conversations, and while she acknowledges him, the Fox news anchor doesn't give any indication that he's listening to a word she's saying.

Utterly pathetic.

and Bonnie Erbe is currently my hero.

Basement Brothel

2008-08-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

I just found out that the hippie sex business in the basement got evicted.

Maybe I should explain a bit. When I first moved in here, I needed to track down the apartment manager but couldn't find her phone number. I did Google search on my address, hoping to come across the original listing for the building. I found it, but I also found other listings for my address. One of which was for a very Berkeley-esque massage service that offered tantric services and nude couples massage in "the womb". The Womb was what how they referred to their apartment, which was located in my basement.

I, of course, found this to be hilarious. I really don't care that there's sex workers working in my building. Catching the odd client looking nervous and befuddled in front of the building was a great source of amusement. It was they way they were marketing themselves as a hippie massage-spiritual healing center that really gave me the giggle-fits. I'm all for spiritual sexuality, but I've found people who use their spirituality as a pick-up line to be skeezier than jocks at Marina bars. Spiritual sex, for me, is something that takes place in the midst of a deep and meaningful relationship. It's not something you drop $300 on a stranger for.

I've been using the plural, because that was my understanding of the situation. It seems that it was just a guy working as a male escort, but he had a long string of "girlfriends" who were apparently there purely an a professional basis.

I never mentioned it to anyone else in the building. Really, how he makes his money is his business and I have friends who have made their living in similar ways. I didn't want to be the asshole who got him evicted. I did have a hard time keeping the smirk off my face whenever we ran into each other doing laundry (which he, of course, did all the time).

I noticed signs up for apartment showings, and as I headed out for an emergency grocery-get quarters for laundry run I saw the manager. This is when I found out which apartment was being shown. She gave me a tour. It's a nice place. The ceilings are low, as befits a basement apartment, but it has hardwood floors, and an enormous long room in the back that would be an ideal dance studio or rehearsal room. If it wasn't for my lease on the Off-Market rehearsal room, I'd rent the place simply as a rehearsal studio. My pockets aren't that deep, however.

It seems that the combination of increased business for the basement brothel, combined with a routine fire code inspection, blew the lid off the operation and our friendly neighborhood sexworker got evicted. Apparently there was just a little too much velour to be perfectly safe... regardless of the context.

I'm a bit concerned that whoever we get to replace the last tenant won't be as colorful, but I'm heartened to hear that a couple of scientists are looking at the apartment. If I'm in luck, there will be explosions and abominations of nature lurking by the washer and dryer in no time.

Journals

2008-08-03T12:47:00.001-07:00

More links than blog posts lately. Sorry about that.

Still, this is delightful. Animator versus Animation.

In other news, I saw 1000 Journals last night at the Roxie with my friend Maria. It's a very nice documentary about a remarkable project.

Basically a man sent 1000 journals out into the world. People were supposed to fill as much or little of them as they wanted, then leave them someplace for the next person to find and do the same. When the journals were filled, they were to be returned to the man who started the project. People could send unfinished journals back to be scanned and then sent back out into the world. As word rapidly spread, a tracking website was developed, and enormous waiting lists for the journals queued up.

Only a few of the journals have been sent back, and 95% of them are out in the world... unknown.

At the encouragement of people who have become tied to the project, 1001 Journals as been born. People can start their own journals and send them out into the world. Start a journal and it's your responsibility. You become the contact person for people who want to work in it, or want to send it in for scanning and you're the one that will get it back when it's done... if it's ever returned.

I was sitting in the theatre, thinking that I should make a journal, when Maria turned to me and said "I'm going to make one. I'll send it to you first."

I'm very excited about it, and I hope that she makes the journal soon. I suggested that the instructions in the journal indicate that the last person to fill the journal should return it to the person they got it from, and that person will to the same, so that everyone who as touched it will be able to see what happened, and hold it again. This also has the side benefit of encouraging people to give the journal to someone they feel will actually return it eventually. Many of the stories in the film talk about people agonizing over giving the journal to someone they didn't really know, and it vanishing from the system at that point.

Seriously, 1,000 journals, and only about 30 can be accounted for as of the making of the film.

It's super cool, and I'll post the link to Maria's Journal when she makes it, in case you want to be on a waiting list. (i.e. if there's a list, you'll be expected to send it on to the next person on the list, or the person you give it to has to promise to do so.)

Apart from that, things are moving along as they always do. I'm trying to find the lead for the show I'm directing for the Fringe Festival, but refusing to panic about it. I made a breakthrough on the 411 screenplay and got an hour's worth of writing in yesterday. I'm making the puppets in Flash for the next Radiostar cartoon (which will be 33% longer than the last ones have been, so it'll probably take an extra week to get it done). Work is going well, and I generally couldn't be happier.

Addictions

2008-08-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, I got hooked on The Guild and Retarded Policeman this morning.

The Guild starts off a little weak, but is one of those shows that gets funnier and funnier the more time you spend with it.

Retarded Policeman seems like a one note joke, but almost every show brings something new to the formula.
I'm embedding what is, in my mind, the pinnacle of the show. Retarded Policeman versus Doug Jones (Hellboy, Pan's Laybrynth)

New Cartoon

2008-07-25T17:21:00.001-07:00

I'm down in San Diego at the universe's biggest Comic Convention (175,000 people today).

But I've got the new cartoon done!

Find more videos like this on Channel Frederator RAW

The Government Controls your Dreams

2008-07-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning from a dream in which I had a dragon. I was an independent "pilot" who was waiting for a client at a landing area. There were a lot of people who needed a flight, but there was a strike at the airport and I wouldn't cross the picket line... except for my client, because I had seen the future through some device that showed me taking the client to her destination.

Crazy stuff, but after I hit the snooze on my alarm, I went back into the dream.

I still had the dragon, but was trying to figure out a way to get FCC approval for flights, since I didn't have (or need) a pilot's license to ride my dragon. I needed portable radio for talking to air towers, and a way to get the license without turning the dragon over to the government. Dragons don't exist, after all, and they'd probably want to either dissect him or appropriate him for military use.

So yeah, I spent the rest of my dream trying to get around government paperwork.

Once I woke up fully, I decided this wasn't as odd as it seems. Most of my "fantastic" fiction take a concept like, say, owning a dragon, and taking it to it's logical conclusion in the real world. All good things become bad things over time, just as many bad things can become good things over time. Also, even as a kid, my dragon fantasies where always grounded in practicality. Ever since reading the Pern books, I had daydreams of dragons... but they mostly revolved around how I would feed the thing.

It seemed very expensive.

Irony? You're soaking in it!

2008-07-14T17:23:00.001-07:00

While I worked today, I listened to the latest mixes of the Sweetie Tanya soundtrack. Some of the songs are about as near to perfect as I can imagine them being. Others are very good, but still on their way. It's a thrill and a half to listen to these. They're so damn good, and I think it'll be a real treat for fans of the show, and will hopefully result in our being able to sell the show to other companies and make even more fans.

I did take a break to head down to the DMV and not only renewed my driver's license (55 minute wait, 5 minutes of interacting with the personnel) and got a parking ticket at the same time. I drive once a month, and boom.

Well, there you go.

Man in a suit

2008-07-12T11:38:00.001-07:00

I saw Hellboy 2 last night and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I was quite stunned today to find out that the character of wink wasn't done with CGI. I've gotten so used to amazing creatures on films being done that way, that it never occurred to me what I was really seeing.

Headlines and statements

2008-07-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Like a lot of people I was appalled when I heard that Obama was supporting the bill that grants telecoms retroactive amnesty for wiretapping.

So I went looking for more information. Here's the full statement.

In particular, this phrase struck me. "It does, however, grant retroactive immunity, and I will work in the Senate to remove this provision so that we can seek full accountability for past offenses. But this compromise guarantees a thorough review by the Inspectors General of our national security agencies to determine what took place in the past, and ensures that there will be accountability going forward. "

So, yeah, Obama is supporting what he considers a flawed, sub-optimal bill but acknowledges a major problem with it that he will continue to try to get fixed. Unfortunately, that's about all he can do right now. I am glad to hear that he still acknowledges that allowing retroactive immunity is wrong and will continue to strive towards something that meets our ideals and get something on the table that ends Bush's violations NOW.

This situation reinforces, more than anything, my distrust of our own media. The headlines I saw suggested very strongly that Obama was supporting amnesty for telecoms, but that's not the case at all.

From Cranky to Mushy

2008-07-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

Feeling less curmudgeony today.

In fact, I'm even going to post this link that Sam Blanchard sent me.

Awwwwww

grouch

2008-06-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

I think I need to change some gears somewhere. I went to bed grouchy last night and woke up cantankerous.

Objectively, I can understand it. I've had a lot of frustrations lately, most of which of an organizational nature, but also some of an artistic origin. Last minute reschedules that throw a carefully balanced day out of whack and even threaten to scuttle the work of a half dozen people, too many things on the same day so that I barely see the sun, hours spent reviewing material that ultimately isn't fruitful... it's not wonder I'm a bit cumudgeony. Still, I look at my behavior, and my mood, and know that I could be handling things more gracefully.

I'm too invested, if such a thing make sense. I take my own challenges and frustrations too much to heart. I feel responsible for everything, so when I encounter an obstacle to things working properly I feel that it's my fault or my job to make it right immediately. When people behave in a way that upsets my sense of order, or courtesy, I seethe but attempt to maintain a politic front because I feel that venting my spleen will damage the work.

My world is becoming very narcissistic. I have the power to make it work, or I have the power to destroy it all. This is making for a very grouchy Dan. Also a hypocritical one, at least artistically, as I had pointed out to me last night after Radiostar.

June and July are supposed to be my vacation months, but I'm not feeling particularly refreshed right now. Ironically, I have a lot of things to be happy about. The Sweetie Tanya CD is coming along nicely, and in truth Steve Kahn is the mastermind behind making it all work right now. As producer, most of what I've been doing is trying to assist with scheduling and people wrangling to make sure that the work can get done smoothly. The new animated version of Radiostar is eagerly embraced, and I really enjoy doing them. The short piece I've agreed to direct for the Fringe Festival in September is half cast (as opposed to half-caste, which would be a whole different kettle of fish) with my first choices, and the script is shaping up nicely.

But despite it all, I'm feeling surly.

I need to re-embrace the idea of vacation in July, and find the fun again.

Video made sweet love to the Radiostar

2008-06-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

Confession of ignorance

2008-06-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

So, I just read this article that talks about the different ways that the concept of free speech is handled in the U.S. and in Canada, with Canada being much more like the rest of the planet in advocating for limited free speech.

In particular, hate language is illegal.

If I felt we could actually trust the courts and the government to prosecute hate speech in a responsible manner, I'd probably fall a bit closer on the European/Canadian spectrum. I don't trust them, however, and so I end up in the "absolute free speech" camp.

And yet, what I don't understand is how first amendment rights merge with slander and libel laws. It seems to be that some of the statements made in the magazine in question (what, you haven't read the article yet? Go read it and then come back here) would be considered libelous. Does libel only count if you specify a particular person, as opposed to an entire religion or race?

I honestly don't know, but it does seem odd to me that you can't say true things about an individual that damage their reputation but you can say untrue things about a community that damages their credibility, standing, and even safety.

Or is my understanding of the libel and slander laws woefully shoddy?

My god, I'm political

2008-06-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

I just made Obama's home page my "start" page in Safari.

This decision came after watching an edited version of a 2006 speech about religious diversity that David Austin-Groen had on his feed, and edited highlights of Obama's speech on the economy on CNN.

I realized that I want to watch the totality of these speeches, not just media determined highlights. I don't trust the news to fairly represent the issues, especially after seeing that a companion piece to the Obama speech was a snippit of McCain saying he'd "veto every beer..bill" in a speech. The man tripped over a word, for crying out loud. That's not news, and it doesn't deserve to be linked to Obama's speech about the economy.

I can already tell that McCain is not the man for me in the white house, militarily or economically. But I want to hear what they have to say, and not be distracted by the news media's three ring circus.

Is that too much to ask?

Sex in the City

2008-06-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I need to see your driver's license before we bang.

oh. You're from New York City?

I'll call you a cab.

Not for You

2008-06-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

I got some mail today from the Legislative Black Caucus Foundation, Inc.

At first I was a bit surprised, but then I thought that it might be something about policy, or about Obama, or any number of things going on in my community. After all, there's no reason why the LBCF shouldn't contact me, just because I'm whiter than 80's Hair Metal.

So I open it up and find that it's a flier for a "Health Summit on Diabetes and Obesity: a growing epidemic among California's minority communities."

Hrm. Not really for me, as I am neither in danger of diabetes or obesity. I am a minority in my community, which is largely Chinese and african american, but I don't think that's what they are referring to. I wonder if every person in Oakland got the flyer, or if I should be expecting more erroneously targeted flyers to appear in my mailbox?

-----------

It's a slow work week. I've been doing lots of photoshop batch jobs, and lots and lots of uploading to servers, but at the moment, I'm mostly waiting for the deluge to begin. It'll be crazy for a few months straight, starting next week, but for now.... all is quiet on the Oakland Front.

So, considering how much I've been hearing about the housing market going to hell, I thought I'd see what I could afford. I love where I live, and have no burning desire to move, but if rates are super low right now, it would be irresponsible to see if there was a way out of the rent market.

I tried a few online rates calculators and established that with what I have in the bank for a down payment, and what I am comfortable paying monthly on loans/mortgage...I can afford property that costs around $200,000. In short, I can live out in the middle of the central valley, or in the absolute poorest neighborhoods of Oakland and Richmond. I'd be a home owner, though! Or at least a condo owner!

Of course, I'd have to give up my hardwood floors, tall ceilings, claw foot tub, two blocks from BART, top floor with no one walking on your head apartment.

I'll stay put for now. I'll check again in six months and see if things have gotten significantly worse/better by then.

Windy

2008-06-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's a curious week for me. WestEd work is slow, so I'm getting caught up on a lot of small issues and maintenance.

This also means cleaning up the home office a bit. My computer is processing gigs and gigs of raw photoshop documents, which means I can email, do some web stuff, and other tasks, but not audio editing, video work, or other photoshop work. My job has therefore been to dink around and occasionally swap the DVDs out.

One of the things I've turned up was my old journal from my trip to Dublin, Ireland. It's always interesting to look back at things like this, and I gave it a quick scan. My mood fluctuated a lot during that week, and I wrote some truly awful sonnets.

Awful.

I would be tempted to just transcribe and toss the paper journal, except for the scrawls made in it by the drunk in the pub where I met Sandra and Catia, the Norwegian and Swiss who wrote in it as well, and of course, the little phrases and pictures that Sandra and Catia themselves wrote.

It's kind of a cliche, but it's still true. Travel changes you. I walked out of Ireland with a slew of experiences and a dear friend. Also a bunch of really bad poetry. Did I mention the bad poetry?

I went out to Chicago last weekend. The genesis of the trip was in talking with my friend Debbie, and deciding that the week after we closed Sweetie Tanya would be an excellent time for me to get away from things for a bit. Also, it was her birthday, so that made it an even better deal. I've now been to Chicago twice since my old Seminary days and I still have a deep affection for the city, even if my original time there was filled with struggle.

There's a feel to the city that I just really, really like. I love the midwest comfort food, the brickwork everywhere, the no bullshit attitude of the people I meet, and the fact that we couldn't walk five blocks without coming across a storefront theatre. This is a town that embraces its arts in a way that we just don't see in the Bay Area. Some people coo at babies. I coo at young theatre companies.

While in the Windy City, I drank too much, ate too much, slept too much and had a splendid time. I saw an innovative but mediocre show and an utterly brilliant one, and the two were in the same theatre complex in Evanston. Yep, the two shows I saw weren't even in Chicago proper. The brilliant one, however, featured one of the improv comics that had couch surfed with me back during the SF Improv Festival. I hadn't originally planned to meet up with any of the Storybox improv folks, but a last minute inspiration paid off with an excellent show.

I returned to Oakland with a slew of things on my to-do list, meetings to attend, and projects to pursue. I haven't made as much project as I should for mostly social reasons, and the schedule packing will continue through next week. Still, I continue to hope to get the 411 screenplay (first draft) done by the end of June.

This makes it sound like the trip didn't change me. That was a theme I was developing and didn't follow through on. Truth be told, it's not always immediately clear how that change will manifest. The most obvious thing is that I desperately craved alone time when I got back. I had a fantastic time, but I had virtually no alone time during the whole trip. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I got home. I have a strong introvert side, and it's easy to forget that when I'm in my regular rhythms.

Also, I was constantly tired while I was away. That was partly jetlag, partly the excess of beer and food, but also the exhaustion of the previous months settling in on me. I have a lot going on, but I don't have the pervasive deadlines right now. Things get done when they get done. Earlier is better, but we aren't racing to meet an opening night or any other such thing. So, the coils of tension in my shoulders are unwinding... and I am so very tired as a result.

I'm waking up more and more, each day, but it took a bit.

Interim

2008-06-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

I have several things I could post about, and I will eventually. But I was searching for an image of "failure" for a project, and I found this video.

The Stupiest Woman In The World - video powered by Metacafe

Clearly, our hope must be in future generations, cause it sure as hell ain't in the current one.

child found

2008-05-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

The child I put out a missing persons post for yesterday has been found at a women's shelter and is on her way home.

Keep a lookout

2008-05-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

I got this email from my friend Cynthia (Producer of Chinese Angle and set genius for Sweetie Tanya) last night.

"My family is suffering a crisis and I need your help!

My niece Lisa Gregory( you may have heard my stories about her) has gone missing from the Antioch CA area on May 14, 2008 with her 2 year old little girl Katie.

My sister has legal custody of Katie as well as Lisa's older daughter. Lisa is drinking heavily and endangering Katie. The police have the missing persons' case. There are existing warrants for Lisa's arrest for other drinking related issues.

The report is also in the state-wide data base.

We need your help. Please forward the attached to people in Northern California where Lisa was last seen and claims to be going into a live-in rehab with her daughter.(We think that is unlikely as most rehab won't take children.) She may have traveled into Nevada or even Oregon, we really have in way to know. Her funds are limited and she may be staying in a cheap motel.

If you see her call the police immediately. Please don't confront her as she will likely flee in a risky manner that could cause greater harm to Katie.

THANK YOU for your support. If any of you have ideas on other ways to find her please let me know."

I don't know a lot of people in the area mentioned, but I'm putting this out there in case someone knows something or sees something.

Tabs

2008-05-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

Things are looking up.
I loved this article about Senator Joe Biden calling Bush on his bullshit.
article here
Bush used the anniversary of the foundation of Israel to slam anyone who wants to try to negotiate with Iran.
Bush's comments

Biden's response?

"This is bullshit."

and it really, really is.

----------------------------------------

A girl who was raped went on YouTube to out her attacker and find some support.

article here

I read this and just hurt. It hurt because so many of "Tanya"'s lines in the show mirror the comments of victims about there not being any justice in the system for rape victims. We state in the show that one in three women are assaulted in the course of their lives, and the article lists one in four women under 25. A small difference, and when you got 25 and up I have no doubt that the 33% figure still holds true. It makes me want to vomit...

----------------------------------------

Invisible Forest updates

2008-05-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

It appears that The Invisible Forest was reviewed by a Swiss Jungian Analyst. Given that the movie is essentially a tour through a dreamscape, that seems extremely appropriate.
An excerpt:
In filmmaking, Antero Alli, playwright, poet, actor and director, is a Pied Piper of the imagistic, imaginal world, enchanting, enticing, with the mercurial, quicksilver flute of his instinctive, intuitive style. Perhaps this is especially true in The Invisible Forest.
The review is here.

Antero was also interviewed up in Oregon, where he's been showing the film.

Here's the June schedule for showings:

Thursday June 5, 9pm: DIVA Center, Eugene OR. $5.
Friday June 6, 9:30pm: Hollywood Theatre, Portland OR. $6.
Sunday June 15, 2pm: NW Film Forum, Seattle WA. $8
Wed. June 18, 8:30pm: Pickford Cinema, Bellingham WA $7.50
Friday June 27, 7pm: Shiny Object, West Sacramento. $5.
Filmmaker in person at all screenings.

Four for Four!

2008-05-07T18:59:00.001-07:00

The SF Bay Guardian came out today and had this to say:
The return of "Sweetie" Tanya (after its debut run at the Darkroom in January) feels like an off-Broadway-bound show that's generously consented to remain off–Union Square for now. Dan Wilson's inspired take on Sweeney Todd — re-imagined as a tale of sexual and class exploitation at the economic fringes of the white yuppie-hipster makeover of the Mission, narrated by a schizophrenic homeless man (sharply played by Bryce Byerley) — is more than mere spoof. Just as the original Sweeney had a real beef that made his monstrous deeds explicable if not necessarily forgivable, "Sweetie" Tanya (a terrific Kate Austin-Gröen) derives her campaign of vengeance from a situation as much personal as political, aggravated by the harassment she receives behind and over the counter at a Mission coffee house. Beneath its delightful foam of frothy comedy, "Sweetie" Tanya hides a depth charge of caffeinated cruelty and outrage. Among the show's many qualities are some very good songs (from various contributors), sung especially well by Austin-Gröen and costar Alexis Wong, and backed by composer and musical director Steve Kahn's fine five-piece band. There could be more in way of plot development, the staging is occasionally too static, and the supporting performances are uneven. But none of these weaknesses much impinge on Sweetie's remarkable success. (Avila)

That's four reviews, all of them positive. All acknowledge that the show is flawed, but so much fun that the flaws are easily (and happily) overlooked. I'm giddy as a schoolgirl.

Are schoolgirls really giddy? I honestly don't know, but if they are, I'm as giddy as one.

Press

2008-05-07T08:57:00.001-07:00

Opening night for Tanya was tough. Six people, two of which were critics. One of them, the critic for the San Jose Mercury News, left like a shot after the show (which hadn't forced a single audible laugh out of the crowd). I was convinced that we were going to get reamed.

I was wrong.

Let's hope it gets some butts in seats this Thursday.

images

2008-05-06T12:35:00.001-07:00

Since my job focus has switched to developing multimedia pieces, I've become disconcertingly aware of people's appearances. I don't mean in person, but as I shuffle through the hundreds of photos I have, trying to find one that fits the content I need to express.

I find myself asking myself questions like, "why aren't there more kids of color in this classroom? I can't show the same kid three times. Oh, this teacher is kind of wall-eyed, can I use this shot? What the hell is that device on that kid's head?" (I still don't know the answer to the last one)

It kind of makes me uncomfortable, because I like to see the beauty in every face, but some people are photogenic and some aren't. I don't like feeling like I need to exclude representing someone because they have funny eyes, or bad teeth, or any other feature that marks them as being "different". At the same time, if I want people to look at the project that is being described, I don't want them wondering what that thing is on that kid's head.

Like with film and theatre, it's about drawing the eye to what you want to communicate. I deal with this all the time, but for some reason, it's bothering me more in this context.

Hope gained

2008-04-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today went... surprisingly well.

I needed to be in the city for a video conference at noon, and also to meet with the new project manager at work. I got a call at 9am from Kinkos, saying that the Sweetie Tanya glossy posters were ready two hours early.

Nice.

I leave early for SF, pick up the posters and do my supervisor meeting early. The video conference also ends an hour early and was actually quite productive. I am supposed to be at the Exit by 3:30 to move our flats, because another group needs the dressing room our flat are stored in. I get a call at the end of my meeting saying that the rehearsal was cancelled and I don't need to make an early trip.

Nice.

I pick up the truck at 5th and Mission. I love City Car Share, I really do. I get to Hal and Cynthia's about 4:15pm and we load everything into the truck and their car. We tie it all down and drive very slowly back to the Exit, arriving at 5:02pm. We're exactly on schedule.

Nice.

We unload, then Hal and I go to the rehearsal room to get props, table, chair and bar. We get everything loaded, unloaded at the Exit and get the car back to City Car share a full hour and a half before it was due.

Nice.

Steve shows up and starts to figure out the band setup after the Exit manager gives Peggy and Rhiannon the lowdown on the space, the lights and the sound board. We've all worked here before, so this is mostly review. I've been terribly worried about how to plug the band into the sound board, but Steve has a perfect low-tech solution: we'll use the band's monitor amps and point them towards the back wall. The sound will then bounce to the audience and not overwhelm the singers. Brilliant, and eliminates the host of tech problems I was expecting to deal with.

Nice.

The group before us, Medea Knows Best, had a light plot that fulfilled 85% of our needs, so they just left it up for us. We only have to refocus three or four lights and re-gel four or five others. The lighting plot isn't much more complex that what we did at the Darkroom, but the difference between the light on our lovely cream colored set walls versus the black curtains of the darkroom is night and day. It looks infinitely better.

Nice.

Cynthia and Hal put up all the flats, adjust the bar size to something that looks better and gives the performers more space. The Odwalla cabinet looks awesome. We still need to tape and paint scenes, add the door and do more general dressing, but it already looks like a coffee shop. Tomorrow we'll do most of that work before 7pm. Wednesday will bring minor additions. We'll easily be done before the preview on Thursday.

Nice.

We finish load in at 10pm and go home. We didn't have to stay late at all. I made a list of props we need, and things I seem to have left back at the rehearsal space. I'll get most of those resolved between 5-6 tomorrow. Our tech will involve starting and stopping for light cue building, but since all but one song is being done live, sound shouldn't be much of an issue.

It's all been a little too smooth. A lot of work, to be sure, but no fiascos, no huge setbacks, no problems we weren't expecting. Quite the opposite. Problems I expected to happen never materialized.

Niiiiiceee

Richer for Poorer

2008-04-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

"Riches" closed last night. As I think I've mentioned here, it was an artistically successful show, but a horrible failure in terms of audience draw. It's just hard to get folks to want to come see a play about divorce. I even had one acquaintance do box office for us, but left before the show started because she wasn't in an emotional place where she could handle the subject matter.

Discouraging.

We are using all the flats for Sweetie Tanya, so the Riches set guy left them all lined up for us in the Phoenix Theatre. We got them in Bahati's truck and drove them the five blocks to the Exit. I'm really pleased that these are all wood flats, using thin, thin wood for the surfaces as opposed to canvas. Canvas flats tend to wobble and sag in unconvincing ways. These babies felt sturdy, and were still extremely light. I haven't actually used flats for a show in quite some time, so I'm really glad that we had access to them.

I've been obsessively worrying about the set, and the lights and the sound system. Most of the reason for my worry is that I wouldn't get to really see or work with any of them until Monday night. To be a few days away from opening and to be pretty in the dark about how things actually look is normal for theatre, but it doesn't get less stressful for me. More and more, I have excellent people handing these parts of the productions, so I'm not as hands on as I once was. That is a great boon for me and I'll probably live longer, but it's still a bit unsettling to not be exercising direct control.

But, today a large portion of our set got moved into the theatre. We had to store it in the "Stage Left" dressing area, because "Medea Knows Best" was in the midst of an enormous strike. I was just glad we didn't have to move it to the rehearsal room and then move it again tomorrow. Having those flats moved over has eased my nerves quite a bit. I know how many we have, I know how heavy they are, and therefore how hard it will be to assemble them as needed. I saw Cynthia and Hal the other night, and Hal said that the cabinets are looking great, which is the first real feedback I've gotten on them, and that calmed me a great deal as well.

It's all going to work out.

I closed a show last night. I open a show in four days (five, if you don't count the preview).

Sparta? This is madness!

an unexpected break

2008-04-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in Union Square, working on the fourth hospital show (end of the mini-series), but my battery is waning so I'll be forced to relocate to the rehearsal studio soon.

No show today, as we only had two people show up for the matinee. Frustrating, to say the least, but it is sadly something I consider to be a normal part of small theatre life. It no longer even has the power to throw me into despair. It's happened too many times. Good shows that for one reason or another don't get the buzz they deserve. I've had a few people say that it's my best work yet as a performer, but very few people will see it, it seems.

A shame.

Emotionally, I've been feeling too washed out lately to get riled about it, though. The typical highs and lows of Tanya eat up what little energy I have left after increasingly grueling days at work.

More and more I just look forward to May, and especially to June.

Still, today I sit in the square, enjoying the gorgeous weather, and it's just too nice to feel emo, even if I can't help but feel numb.