I went to go see Crisis Hopkins and Revolving Madness at the Climate Theatre last night. I didn't mean to become part of the show, but these things kind of happen. Contributing a location for one of their scenes was standard audience behavior, but then they needed a book to pull words from and I was one of the few people in the audience carrying a book around with me. I've just started reading the Devil in the White City, which got a variety of comments from the gang onstage. At the end, as the end of the freestyle love-contest, they were trying to get people up on stage. They eventually got one guy up who was a good sport about the whole thing, but they wanted more people.
I am not a rapper. I do not aspire to be a rapper. I have considered practicing freestyle rap improv as a skill builder, but have not done so yet. Still, you do not leave improvisors on stage, twisting in the wind. It was very clear that no body else was going to go up and vibe was getting a little uncomfortable, so I stood up.
I muddled through. People seemed impressed that I didn't completely fall apart on stage and had a good humor about it. I also seem to have acquired a new nickname: the White Terror.
Yo.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Delayed reaction
Things have been good on this end. Sweetie Tanya closed to a jam packed, sold out, wedge them in with a crowbar show on Saturday. We'll be doing it all again in May, at the Exit Theatre Mainstage, so the usual bittersweet feeling of a show ending wasn't present. We're not done, we're just taking a vacation before making the show even better.
The next project is getting the CD made, and I go into rehearsal for "The Riches" in a month. I need to do some space negotiating for this fall as well so that I can work on getting the rights for a show that Dylan Russell will direct.
So much for my slow year.
You can stop laughing at me now.
No one believed me when I said that this would be my year for doing LESS, but I have turned down a couple of projects! I just didn't expect Sweetie Tanya to do THIS well and it's kind of gloriously ganked my expectations for 08.
That said, I had an odd experience last night. I was coming home after Radiostar, and on my little two block walk from BART to my apartment, I had a wave of fear crash over me. I had my pepper spray in hand, as I've done for the last couple of months, and the streets were clearly empty all around me. As three cars approached, though, slowing down along side me, I started to feel a kind of scrabbling terror. The word "drive by" popped into my head, even though we don't GET drive-by shootings in my part of Oakland. They were all approaching a red light, and I knew that. Still, my heart began to race. The light changed, and like a scared rabbit, I got home, eyes darting about and my hands clammy.
I got inside and pondered my reaction. A delayed reaction to the mugging? Certainly. I knew this would happen at some point. Irrational fear, triggered by walking home in the dark on the same street, at the same corner where I got assaulted. Totally logical, but I still don't like it. I've never had fear as part of my landscape. I've walked halfway up Manhattan at 2am, carefully staying to well lit streets, without even the slightest fear of my life. But now I'm getting it a block from my apartment.
Moving won't fix this. It's part of me now. I just hope that last night won't become a common occurrence.
The next project is getting the CD made, and I go into rehearsal for "The Riches" in a month. I need to do some space negotiating for this fall as well so that I can work on getting the rights for a show that Dylan Russell will direct.
So much for my slow year.
You can stop laughing at me now.
No one believed me when I said that this would be my year for doing LESS, but I have turned down a couple of projects! I just didn't expect Sweetie Tanya to do THIS well and it's kind of gloriously ganked my expectations for 08.
That said, I had an odd experience last night. I was coming home after Radiostar, and on my little two block walk from BART to my apartment, I had a wave of fear crash over me. I had my pepper spray in hand, as I've done for the last couple of months, and the streets were clearly empty all around me. As three cars approached, though, slowing down along side me, I started to feel a kind of scrabbling terror. The word "drive by" popped into my head, even though we don't GET drive-by shootings in my part of Oakland. They were all approaching a red light, and I knew that. Still, my heart began to race. The light changed, and like a scared rabbit, I got home, eyes darting about and my hands clammy.
I got inside and pondered my reaction. A delayed reaction to the mugging? Certainly. I knew this would happen at some point. Irrational fear, triggered by walking home in the dark on the same street, at the same corner where I got assaulted. Totally logical, but I still don't like it. I've never had fear as part of my landscape. I've walked halfway up Manhattan at 2am, carefully staying to well lit streets, without even the slightest fear of my life. But now I'm getting it a block from my apartment.
Moving won't fix this. It's part of me now. I just hope that last night won't become a common occurrence.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
oddly calm
It's been a very busy week at work, and socially as well. I saw Golden Thread's collection of short plays dealing with issues in the Middle East, and with being Middle Eastern. A mixed bag, but a very good evening for reflection and companionship. Game night before that, and then the show last night. It's been a week of excitement with the show, as the SF Weekly came out with a two page spread about the show. I was completely gobsmacked. We got a very positive write up in the SF Bay Times as well. Getting the call on Friday that the SF Weekly critic had just been on a local Jazz/public radio station, animatedly praising our show for two full minutes during rush hour pretty much sent me into orbit.
We had a good, but not sold out show on Friday night. They were a quiet bunch, which I hoped was due to the exhaustion of seeing a 10pm show on a Friday night. I seem to have been right, as they warmed up as the show moved on and the applause was thunderous at the end of the evening. People keep telling me that this is a show that could "run forever". It's a bit frightening, actually, to be sitting on something with this much potential. I can only comfort myself that I haven't screwed it up yet, and to keep trusting my instincts.
Today I had a film audition that I very nearly didn't go to. This would have been a large mistake, as what I thought was a faux commercial by Academy of Art University students turned out to be a national commercial for the University itself. I spent a half hour with the director and his crew and had a lovely time with them. We'll see if I get the role or not, but regardless of that I'm very glad to have gone.
It also got me downtown to meet with a friend and walk around Chinatown like a couple of tourists. My movements through San Francisco's Chinatown have always been a "get from A to B" affair, and casually strolling and window shopping on what must be the most temperate day of the year has settled me into a deep and graceful calm. I'm attending laundry and dishes, and doing a general clean and re-organization of the house right now.
And I'm profoundly happy.
We had a good, but not sold out show on Friday night. They were a quiet bunch, which I hoped was due to the exhaustion of seeing a 10pm show on a Friday night. I seem to have been right, as they warmed up as the show moved on and the applause was thunderous at the end of the evening. People keep telling me that this is a show that could "run forever". It's a bit frightening, actually, to be sitting on something with this much potential. I can only comfort myself that I haven't screwed it up yet, and to keep trusting my instincts.
Today I had a film audition that I very nearly didn't go to. This would have been a large mistake, as what I thought was a faux commercial by Academy of Art University students turned out to be a national commercial for the University itself. I spent a half hour with the director and his crew and had a lovely time with them. We'll see if I get the role or not, but regardless of that I'm very glad to have gone.
It also got me downtown to meet with a friend and walk around Chinatown like a couple of tourists. My movements through San Francisco's Chinatown have always been a "get from A to B" affair, and casually strolling and window shopping on what must be the most temperate day of the year has settled me into a deep and graceful calm. I'm attending laundry and dishes, and doing a general clean and re-organization of the house right now.
And I'm profoundly happy.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Weird Weekend
I think I can officially declare this a really weird weekend. Good, but weird.
We had another battery of shows this weekend. Sweetie Tanya has begun to actually, literally sell out. For a small black box show in the Mission to start selling out during it's second weekend... it's pretty freaking awesome. There's lots of talk about our need to do a "bring your own venue" Fringe Festival remount. Whether we do something like that in September, or if I can secure us a theatre around June is unknown. But the consensus seems to be, this show is too hot to just let die after 8 shows.
To compound the weirdness, I was interviewed by some folks from Comcast before the show on Friday. We had to rapidly get the set on stage, and dress it while the camera crew set up. I had been alerted that they would be there by the fabulous Peggy Powell, but it's still very odd to rush to get your show ready, and then stop in order to get the microphone put on right and then get fed basic promotional questions. They seemed pleased and they remained to film the first half of the show, so if anyone sees "local event news" on a Comcast station and wants to tape it for me, that would be cool.
It gets even stranger though. As cast and crew Google "Sweetie Tanya", strange things have begun to come up. In particular, we've had TWO people post "missed connections" on Craigslist for people that they were checking out at the show. Call me strange, but a musical about sexual harassment is not someplace I would consider to be prime territory for scoping out your next lover. Then again, all the guys on stage are being so creepy, that maybe all the guys in the audience look good by comparison?
Before the Friday show, I was over at Zack Stern's for a round of "Rock Band". I've heard the hype on this game, and I have to say that I really had fun with it. I'm decent on guitar and bass, but I completely suck on drums. I mean, I played guitar back in High School, so fret work of the basic type required by the game feels pretty natural. Getting my hands and feet coordinated for the drum pads was a humiliating task. Still, I wish we had done it on a night I could have stayed longer. After the show I went out for drinks with Neil Howard, his fabulous wife Lex, and Eleanor Reinholdt. Normally, I'll go out for a single drink and then bolt for the BART, but with Neil and Lex out all the way from NYC, I decided to go ahead and make a late night of it. I don't do the $40 cab ride home often, but what'cha gonna do? We stayed until the bar literally threw us out... at 1:40am!
I love San Francisco, but that's just ridiculous.
Saturday night was another late one, as I went to Consumating's "Prom" after the show. I went to the first prom two years ago, shortly after discovering the site. I met a lot of great people that first night, so I had been looking forward to Prom 2. Arriving after midnight, however, was a bit anti-climactic. I didn't have the benefit of the hours of drinking that everyone else had, and the party was much thinner than the first one. Still, I got to see Nina and to finally meet Will. So for me the trip was well worth it. I got to meet a few new people who I had only experienced online, but mostly it was just nice to see some familiar but infrequent faces. I ended up crashing at Brian Schirmer's place afterwards, much more tired than I realized.
Sunday was characterized by sleeping too late on the couch, relaxing with brunch, devouring a book on the way home, taking a deliciously hot bath (while still devouring the book) and Radiostar. I got a show about a third edited before heading into the city with our new microphone stand for our weekly recording session. We haven't met over the last two weeks, and we decided to take our first experimental steps towards the planned Radiostar SERIAL. This involved the return of Jennifer Jajeh to our ranks, who has been MIA for months now.
My evening was just beginning, however, as I needed to get to the DNA lounge in order to catch Kurt Larson's return to the stage. I found out long after I met Kurt that he had been in the band Information Society, but as I was into "Contemporary Christian Music" at the time the band was at it's hottest, I failed to have more than a peripheral awareness of it. So, this was really my first experience of Kurt's showmanship. I had heard a good sampling of his work over the years, but never seen him perform live. It was a hell of a show, and jam packed.
It's always strange to watch people throwing their bras and panties at the guy who you've spent hours hunched over Magic: the Gathering with.
So yeah, all in all... a weird weekend.
We had another battery of shows this weekend. Sweetie Tanya has begun to actually, literally sell out. For a small black box show in the Mission to start selling out during it's second weekend... it's pretty freaking awesome. There's lots of talk about our need to do a "bring your own venue" Fringe Festival remount. Whether we do something like that in September, or if I can secure us a theatre around June is unknown. But the consensus seems to be, this show is too hot to just let die after 8 shows.
To compound the weirdness, I was interviewed by some folks from Comcast before the show on Friday. We had to rapidly get the set on stage, and dress it while the camera crew set up. I had been alerted that they would be there by the fabulous Peggy Powell, but it's still very odd to rush to get your show ready, and then stop in order to get the microphone put on right and then get fed basic promotional questions. They seemed pleased and they remained to film the first half of the show, so if anyone sees "local event news" on a Comcast station and wants to tape it for me, that would be cool.
It gets even stranger though. As cast and crew Google "Sweetie Tanya", strange things have begun to come up. In particular, we've had TWO people post "missed connections" on Craigslist for people that they were checking out at the show. Call me strange, but a musical about sexual harassment is not someplace I would consider to be prime territory for scoping out your next lover. Then again, all the guys on stage are being so creepy, that maybe all the guys in the audience look good by comparison?
Before the Friday show, I was over at Zack Stern's for a round of "Rock Band". I've heard the hype on this game, and I have to say that I really had fun with it. I'm decent on guitar and bass, but I completely suck on drums. I mean, I played guitar back in High School, so fret work of the basic type required by the game feels pretty natural. Getting my hands and feet coordinated for the drum pads was a humiliating task. Still, I wish we had done it on a night I could have stayed longer. After the show I went out for drinks with Neil Howard, his fabulous wife Lex, and Eleanor Reinholdt. Normally, I'll go out for a single drink and then bolt for the BART, but with Neil and Lex out all the way from NYC, I decided to go ahead and make a late night of it. I don't do the $40 cab ride home often, but what'cha gonna do? We stayed until the bar literally threw us out... at 1:40am!
I love San Francisco, but that's just ridiculous.
Saturday night was another late one, as I went to Consumating's "Prom" after the show. I went to the first prom two years ago, shortly after discovering the site. I met a lot of great people that first night, so I had been looking forward to Prom 2. Arriving after midnight, however, was a bit anti-climactic. I didn't have the benefit of the hours of drinking that everyone else had, and the party was much thinner than the first one. Still, I got to see Nina and to finally meet Will. So for me the trip was well worth it. I got to meet a few new people who I had only experienced online, but mostly it was just nice to see some familiar but infrequent faces. I ended up crashing at Brian Schirmer's place afterwards, much more tired than I realized.
Sunday was characterized by sleeping too late on the couch, relaxing with brunch, devouring a book on the way home, taking a deliciously hot bath (while still devouring the book) and Radiostar. I got a show about a third edited before heading into the city with our new microphone stand for our weekly recording session. We haven't met over the last two weeks, and we decided to take our first experimental steps towards the planned Radiostar SERIAL. This involved the return of Jennifer Jajeh to our ranks, who has been MIA for months now.
My evening was just beginning, however, as I needed to get to the DNA lounge in order to catch Kurt Larson's return to the stage. I found out long after I met Kurt that he had been in the band Information Society, but as I was into "Contemporary Christian Music" at the time the band was at it's hottest, I failed to have more than a peripheral awareness of it. So, this was really my first experience of Kurt's showmanship. I had heard a good sampling of his work over the years, but never seen him perform live. It was a hell of a show, and jam packed.
It's always strange to watch people throwing their bras and panties at the guy who you've spent hours hunched over Magic: the Gathering with.
So yeah, all in all... a weird weekend.
Monday, January 07, 2008
let's hear it for the little guy
This from Neil's blog. It looks like United Artists is the first major studio to sign a new contract with the Writer's Guild.
This is the beginning of the end of the strike. Three cheers for the writers! And let's hope that nobody else needs to strike in the coming months.
This is the beginning of the end of the strike. Three cheers for the writers! And let's hope that nobody else needs to strike in the coming months.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Press
Some amazing press is coming out for the show, so I thought I'd share a bit of it.
We have a lengthy article in Backstage magazine, which can be found online here.
An excerpt:
"In San Francisco's artsy Mission District, theatre experimentalists stage premieres in hole-in-the-wall spaces, mostly for youthful, adventurous audiences. One such company, Cassandra's Call Productions, is mounting an original musical "for people who don't go to a lot of musicals," says company founder Dan Wilson. The venue, a tiny black box called the Dark Room, is known for campy adaptations of films and TV shows.
Even so, "Sweetie" Tanya: The Demon Barista of Valencia Street is different. A modern-day Sweeney Todd meets Monster (the film about serial man-killer Aileen Wuornos), it departs from tradition in that writer-director Wilson engaged 13 songwriters, including himself and music director Dave Malloy, to create the score."
The article is more about the process, since all the interviews were done about halfway through the rehearsal process.
A full on review is offered up by Chloe Veltman of the SF Weekly.
"There's a ghoulish little musical by the name of "Sweetie" Tanya: The Demon Barista of Valencia Street playing at The Dark Room in San Francisco's Mission District and it's terrific black-box stuff for all kinds of reasons.
This musical is a spoof of Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd, involving an unhappy San Francisco barista's bloodthirsty way of coping with difficult customers. But it takes on such a life of its own, that the relationship with the source material feels more like the seed of inspiration for the show than its overbearing shadow."
We have a lengthy article in Backstage magazine, which can be found online here.
An excerpt:
"In San Francisco's artsy Mission District, theatre experimentalists stage premieres in hole-in-the-wall spaces, mostly for youthful, adventurous audiences. One such company, Cassandra's Call Productions, is mounting an original musical "for people who don't go to a lot of musicals," says company founder Dan Wilson. The venue, a tiny black box called the Dark Room, is known for campy adaptations of films and TV shows.
Even so, "Sweetie" Tanya: The Demon Barista of Valencia Street is different. A modern-day Sweeney Todd meets Monster (the film about serial man-killer Aileen Wuornos), it departs from tradition in that writer-director Wilson engaged 13 songwriters, including himself and music director Dave Malloy, to create the score."
The article is more about the process, since all the interviews were done about halfway through the rehearsal process.
A full on review is offered up by Chloe Veltman of the SF Weekly.
"There's a ghoulish little musical by the name of "Sweetie" Tanya: The Demon Barista of Valencia Street playing at The Dark Room in San Francisco's Mission District and it's terrific black-box stuff for all kinds of reasons.
This musical is a spoof of Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd, involving an unhappy San Francisco barista's bloodthirsty way of coping with difficult customers. But it takes on such a life of its own, that the relationship with the source material feels more like the seed of inspiration for the show than its overbearing shadow."
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Sweetie Tanya has come to town
We opened tonight. The day was fraught with 70mph winds, major power outages in the Mission, bridge closures, BART delays, and torrential downpours. I was convinced that no one would be in the house for our opening night.
Then, almost miraculously, it cleared. We not only had people in the audience, we had far more than I had hoped for.
And the show worked. It worked pretty much exactly as I had hoped it would. I was feeling pretty confident after our tiny test audience saw it the previous night, but I wasn't expecting the thunderous applause at the end of the show. I wasn't expecting the continual laughter throughout, and the gasps of shock, and the bloodthirsty delight that came from our small crowd.
We nailed it.
I'm so exhausted.
I'm so happy.
Then, almost miraculously, it cleared. We not only had people in the audience, we had far more than I had hoped for.
And the show worked. It worked pretty much exactly as I had hoped it would. I was feeling pretty confident after our tiny test audience saw it the previous night, but I wasn't expecting the thunderous applause at the end of the show. I wasn't expecting the continual laughter throughout, and the gasps of shock, and the bloodthirsty delight that came from our small crowd.
We nailed it.
I'm so exhausted.
I'm so happy.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Invisible forest
I shot a film earlier this year called "The Invisible Forest". The film is almost done, and the director has a nice trailer up here. The trailer gives a really good sense of the film, and the sharp eyed will see that Gary Dailey (The Fear Project: Pinch) and Juliet Tanner (from Crowded Fire) are also in the cast.
I saw a pre-pre screening of the film on Christmas Eve. I quite liked it, and the few issues I did have I told Antero about, and it seems that two of my concerns had been voiced elsewhere and will result in some minor (but significant) adjustments to the final copy. It's a very meditative, visual film. It's very beautiful. I'm looking forward to hearing what others think of it, because I'm entirely too close to it to have any objective sense of how it works. It's more like a painting than anything else. I have so many memories attached to almost every shot that it's hard for me to decontextualize the film. So, if you see it, please let me know your thoughts.
Christmas day I spent at Dave and Kate Austin-Groen's place. I visited my aunt in the morning, then headed over to their place for a mind-bogglingly delicious dinner and a long afternoon and early evening of conversation and games. I like my holidays stress free, and this fit the bill perfectly.
Brian Schirmer got me a t-shirt that says "I'm big in Japan", which is an ongoing joke at Radiostar, due to our unusually high download stats from that country. Dave and Kate got me another t-shirt that says "I want to direct". I wasn't expecting any gift exchange at all, but my embarrassment quickly gave way to delight at the shirts.
Today, I work from home and discover how cold it is in my apartment. I wish I had direct control over my steam radiator...
I saw a pre-pre screening of the film on Christmas Eve. I quite liked it, and the few issues I did have I told Antero about, and it seems that two of my concerns had been voiced elsewhere and will result in some minor (but significant) adjustments to the final copy. It's a very meditative, visual film. It's very beautiful. I'm looking forward to hearing what others think of it, because I'm entirely too close to it to have any objective sense of how it works. It's more like a painting than anything else. I have so many memories attached to almost every shot that it's hard for me to decontextualize the film. So, if you see it, please let me know your thoughts.
Christmas day I spent at Dave and Kate Austin-Groen's place. I visited my aunt in the morning, then headed over to their place for a mind-bogglingly delicious dinner and a long afternoon and early evening of conversation and games. I like my holidays stress free, and this fit the bill perfectly.
Brian Schirmer got me a t-shirt that says "I'm big in Japan", which is an ongoing joke at Radiostar, due to our unusually high download stats from that country. Dave and Kate got me another t-shirt that says "I want to direct". I wasn't expecting any gift exchange at all, but my embarrassment quickly gave way to delight at the shirts.
Today, I work from home and discover how cold it is in my apartment. I wish I had direct control over my steam radiator...
Saturday, December 22, 2007
get this...
It's just become sickly funny.
I had two more actors drop out of the show last night. Boom.
We have five rehearsals left.
The reasons why aren't important, although I understand why one of them needed to leave. The other, well he clearly wasn't invested in the show once he realized how small it was, so I halfway think he just took the first excuse he had. That sounds bitter, but it's not. Others in the cast had noticed it too, so I don't feel like I'm projecting.
Regardless, as of 6:20pm last night, I was down two actors. I was able to fill one role within ten minutes. I called Paul Jennings, who had originally turned down the role for schedule reasons that no longer apply at this stage in the game and he is on board and will be off book by his first rehearsal. This is good, since he only gets four rehearsals before we open.
The other actor was playing two roles. A bit harder to fill. The call has gone out, and the call appears to be spreading rapidly. The community is rallying for us, and I deeply appreciate it. My remaining cast has been in a bit of shock, but are pulling together regardless.
Various ideas have been floated of what to do if we can't get this last actor. One was to do a "concert version" of the show, which would work but is not my first option. Another idea was to turn one character, who isn't a person so much as a psychotic hallucination of a person, into a puppet. This will cost us some choreography, but it fits perfectly into the logic of the show and would be hilarious. I don't know if we'll do that, but I bought the puppet a few minutes ago so it will be here if we need it. That will make the casting a little more loose, since we don't need someone who can act, sing and dance. Just act and dance.
I should be completely freaked out by now, but I'm not. All I can do is what I am doing. The show will go on, one way or another.
The show always goes on, dammit.
I had two more actors drop out of the show last night. Boom.
We have five rehearsals left.
The reasons why aren't important, although I understand why one of them needed to leave. The other, well he clearly wasn't invested in the show once he realized how small it was, so I halfway think he just took the first excuse he had. That sounds bitter, but it's not. Others in the cast had noticed it too, so I don't feel like I'm projecting.
Regardless, as of 6:20pm last night, I was down two actors. I was able to fill one role within ten minutes. I called Paul Jennings, who had originally turned down the role for schedule reasons that no longer apply at this stage in the game and he is on board and will be off book by his first rehearsal. This is good, since he only gets four rehearsals before we open.
The other actor was playing two roles. A bit harder to fill. The call has gone out, and the call appears to be spreading rapidly. The community is rallying for us, and I deeply appreciate it. My remaining cast has been in a bit of shock, but are pulling together regardless.
Various ideas have been floated of what to do if we can't get this last actor. One was to do a "concert version" of the show, which would work but is not my first option. Another idea was to turn one character, who isn't a person so much as a psychotic hallucination of a person, into a puppet. This will cost us some choreography, but it fits perfectly into the logic of the show and would be hilarious. I don't know if we'll do that, but I bought the puppet a few minutes ago so it will be here if we need it. That will make the casting a little more loose, since we don't need someone who can act, sing and dance. Just act and dance.
I should be completely freaked out by now, but I'm not. All I can do is what I am doing. The show will go on, one way or another.
The show always goes on, dammit.
Monday, December 17, 2007
break
My new duties in my day job involve lots of Flash, Photoshop and Powerpoint/Breeze work. As a result, after doing tech work professionally for 12 years, I am just now starting to experience a bit of discomfort using a mouse. So, I'm taking a break and doing a little typing instead.
The show is going well, and it feels so nice to say that. It's hit a point where rehearsals are fun, and my stress over the show is back to what I would think it should be. Of course, the stress level I expect is very high, but at least I no longer have questions as to whether or not the show will HAPPEN.
There are moments of relaxation, however. Dave and Kate Austin-Groen restarted their annual book party, which was on Saturday. Last year didn't happen due to birthing issues, and I had missed the previous two years due to show commitments. This was, therefore, a real treat. I gave a book about the schools of philosophy as expressed through the Simpsons, which went to a computer programmer who I believe will actually read and appreciate it. Lucky break that. I got a book called "A Humument" from Martha Soukup, which is a victorian novel which has had each of its pages painted over, revealing individual words and phrases that offer up observations about love in the midst of a refrigerator magnet type narrative. It's strange and beautiful, and I am looking forward to slowly savoring it. In addition to the books, lots of wonderful people were there, including Dylan Russell, Arwen Anderson, Brian Schirmer, and Kevin Montegrande.
Later that night I went with a new friend to go see Crisis Hopkins playing at the Climate Theatre. I haven't seen much theatre in the last month, and it's been even longer since I saw any improv. Julie Potter has stepped down from active membership, it seems, but the quartet has filled out with Lily Harvey, who I've always been a fan of. I laughed hard enough to bring tears down my face, so I consider it a good evening. I didn't hang out for long after the show, however, as I have been feeling the exhaustion rather more than usual.
The easy reason for this would be "age", but that's not the real reason. I'm sure that my temporal location as a man in his late 30's is having an impact, but the fact is that I don't get home until almost 11pm every night, and got home much later for much of last week, and when I get home I can't just fall right asleep. I should probably read, as it might send me to sleep earlier, but instead I've been picking up the XBox 360 controller and playing an hour of whatever is in the tray before slamming my head against the pillow.
As a result, I am tired all the time.
I know that I should just fall asleep when I get home, but part of me is unwilling to release that little time to play and let my mind disengage from everything that is going on. I wish I could figure out a way to have that disengagement without it resulting in so much fatigue, but with Christmas coming up next week, and New Year's after that, I'll have a few chances to chill out and catch back up on my sleep. Once I hit January, my weeknights will be completely open... at least for a while.
The show is going well, and it feels so nice to say that. It's hit a point where rehearsals are fun, and my stress over the show is back to what I would think it should be. Of course, the stress level I expect is very high, but at least I no longer have questions as to whether or not the show will HAPPEN.
There are moments of relaxation, however. Dave and Kate Austin-Groen restarted their annual book party, which was on Saturday. Last year didn't happen due to birthing issues, and I had missed the previous two years due to show commitments. This was, therefore, a real treat. I gave a book about the schools of philosophy as expressed through the Simpsons, which went to a computer programmer who I believe will actually read and appreciate it. Lucky break that. I got a book called "A Humument" from Martha Soukup, which is a victorian novel which has had each of its pages painted over, revealing individual words and phrases that offer up observations about love in the midst of a refrigerator magnet type narrative. It's strange and beautiful, and I am looking forward to slowly savoring it. In addition to the books, lots of wonderful people were there, including Dylan Russell, Arwen Anderson, Brian Schirmer, and Kevin Montegrande.
Later that night I went with a new friend to go see Crisis Hopkins playing at the Climate Theatre. I haven't seen much theatre in the last month, and it's been even longer since I saw any improv. Julie Potter has stepped down from active membership, it seems, but the quartet has filled out with Lily Harvey, who I've always been a fan of. I laughed hard enough to bring tears down my face, so I consider it a good evening. I didn't hang out for long after the show, however, as I have been feeling the exhaustion rather more than usual.
The easy reason for this would be "age", but that's not the real reason. I'm sure that my temporal location as a man in his late 30's is having an impact, but the fact is that I don't get home until almost 11pm every night, and got home much later for much of last week, and when I get home I can't just fall right asleep. I should probably read, as it might send me to sleep earlier, but instead I've been picking up the XBox 360 controller and playing an hour of whatever is in the tray before slamming my head against the pillow.
As a result, I am tired all the time.
I know that I should just fall asleep when I get home, but part of me is unwilling to release that little time to play and let my mind disengage from everything that is going on. I wish I could figure out a way to have that disengagement without it resulting in so much fatigue, but with Christmas coming up next week, and New Year's after that, I'll have a few chances to chill out and catch back up on my sleep. Once I hit January, my weeknights will be completely open... at least for a while.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Honey, have you seen the cat?
Heather McCulley found this one.
So, South Korea has cloned cats with modified genes. Why modified genes? They say that it is a step towards being able to clone animals that suffer the same diseases that humans do, so that more precise research can be done in finding cures for human illnesses. Let's lay aside the ethics of creating animals for the express purpose of suffering for a moment, although you may guess at my stance based on the phrasing of this sentence. Why would the first thing they clone be glow in the dark cats?
I see a new pet market forming.
So, South Korea has cloned cats with modified genes. Why modified genes? They say that it is a step towards being able to clone animals that suffer the same diseases that humans do, so that more precise research can be done in finding cures for human illnesses. Let's lay aside the ethics of creating animals for the express purpose of suffering for a moment, although you may guess at my stance based on the phrasing of this sentence. Why would the first thing they clone be glow in the dark cats?
I see a new pet market forming.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I am a dream
Antero has posted a little clip from The Invisible Forest, the film I died my head white for this summer. The final product should be done in January, but this is a neat preview.
Also, fun for anyone who wants to see what I look like as a crazy, white haired old wizard.
Also, fun for anyone who wants to see what I look like as a crazy, white haired old wizard.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
ew
In my apartment building, near the mailboxes, there is a small table. People can leave things there for the other tenants, and sometimes UPS puts boxes there for people who aren't home. It's a very useful table. I leave postcards for my shows there, as do some of the other theatre people who live here. I've seen books, New Yorkers, knick knacks and odds and ends left on that little table for anyone who wants them.
This morning there were six individually wrapped twinkies.
I thought that was rather odd, but was not tempted by the synthetic sweets. I used to like Twinkies when I was a kid. Hell, I was practically raised on Hostess snacks. Still, whenver I've succumbed to the nostalgic urge for a HoHo or a Hostess Cupcake, I've felt let down. My tastes are changing, and it really does taste pretty awful.
When I came home tonight, there were three Twinkies sitting there in their individual wrappers.
I've been wondering about it for a while now. Who picks up Twinkies left on the garage sale table?
Did they enjoy them?
Do they feel..... dirty?
I would.
This morning there were six individually wrapped twinkies.
I thought that was rather odd, but was not tempted by the synthetic sweets. I used to like Twinkies when I was a kid. Hell, I was practically raised on Hostess snacks. Still, whenver I've succumbed to the nostalgic urge for a HoHo or a Hostess Cupcake, I've felt let down. My tastes are changing, and it really does taste pretty awful.
When I came home tonight, there were three Twinkies sitting there in their individual wrappers.
I've been wondering about it for a while now. Who picks up Twinkies left on the garage sale table?
Did they enjoy them?
Do they feel..... dirty?
I would.
A question from a non-breeder
As part of her Advent Calendar of Hilarity, Becky Haycox continues to bring the holiday funny with this photo gallery of unhappy santa visitors.
Now really, children being terrified of Santa is not news. It seems that ever since we've had department stores, we've had Santas to terrorize our young ones. What I wonder is this: Why would otherwise loving parents do something to their children that they know will turn them into terrified and screaming balls of sound? Do we so buy into the idea that this is something that you MUST do that you're willing to put your child through that? Do parents secretly *enjoy* seeing their children suffer? Do kids scream in fear so often that it no longer curdles their blood? Why not, when you can clearly see that your baby wants nothing to do with the frightening man (and really, Santa right up there with clowns on the scare-o-meter), just get out of line and walk away?
"You're going to embrace the magic of Christmas if I have to drag you kicking and screaming through the candycane fields and elf infested warrens of the north pole, and you'll like it you little monster!"
And Merry Christmas to you, too.
Now really, children being terrified of Santa is not news. It seems that ever since we've had department stores, we've had Santas to terrorize our young ones. What I wonder is this: Why would otherwise loving parents do something to their children that they know will turn them into terrified and screaming balls of sound? Do we so buy into the idea that this is something that you MUST do that you're willing to put your child through that? Do parents secretly *enjoy* seeing their children suffer? Do kids scream in fear so often that it no longer curdles their blood? Why not, when you can clearly see that your baby wants nothing to do with the frightening man (and really, Santa right up there with clowns on the scare-o-meter), just get out of line and walk away?
"You're going to embrace the magic of Christmas if I have to drag you kicking and screaming through the candycane fields and elf infested warrens of the north pole, and you'll like it you little monster!"
And Merry Christmas to you, too.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Bits and Bobs
Brian Schirmer brought this to my attention. Good lord. It is official U.S. policy that we can go to any country and kidnap people and bring them back to the U.S. without the permission or sanction of the country that they are in. Now, I don't particularly like the idea that someone can embezzle a billion dollars and get off scott free simply by hopping the border, but I like it even less that as a country we've taken the stand of "If we want you, we'll get you, and damned be the laws or rights of any other country that wants to stand in our way." Basically, we've once again given the finger to every other country on the planet. I swear, I wonder why we have any allies left at this point.
Becky Haycox made me aware of this debunking of a myth I had never even heard of: that candy canes are rich in religious symbolism and were developed out of piety. The more likely version, based on evidence, is that the only thing religious about them was church leaders taking the existing candy and having them made into shepherd's crooks in order to keep the restless children occupied during holiday mass. What I find rather disturbing about the whole thing, however, is the historical retrofitting of something highly banal to make it spiritually profound.
It's much like an article that one of Neil Gaiman's readers pointed out, detailing the numerous "authors" of the poem "Footprints" and what has become practially a sub-industry of legal wrangling, chest puffing, and positively hallucinatory arguments of asserted authorship. Absuridty of the highest order.
As for me, things are moving along. Sweetie Tanya continues to move forward. In some ways, it's all golden. In some ways, shakey. Yet, the shakey things aren't about the quality of the work that's being done. I am still having casting issues, or might be. I'll know for certain tonight. I've stepped into the role of the Boss after holding auditions, offering the role to two people and those people having to turn it down for reasons either mundane or heartbreaking. I'm not prepared to enter the Equity waters at this stage of the production (Equity is the Stage Actor's Union for those of you not in the field), and I don't want to keep hunting endlessly for an actor when we should be rehearsing. So, unless a "Boss" falls into my lap (so to speak), I'll be performing in January. What this means, however, is that if I can't resolve this other casting issue by tonight, I need to look for another performer again. I can't step into both roles.
The lesson to be learned, boys and girls, is never to rehearse a show over the holidays.
Becky Haycox made me aware of this debunking of a myth I had never even heard of: that candy canes are rich in religious symbolism and were developed out of piety. The more likely version, based on evidence, is that the only thing religious about them was church leaders taking the existing candy and having them made into shepherd's crooks in order to keep the restless children occupied during holiday mass. What I find rather disturbing about the whole thing, however, is the historical retrofitting of something highly banal to make it spiritually profound.
It's much like an article that one of Neil Gaiman's readers pointed out, detailing the numerous "authors" of the poem "Footprints" and what has become practially a sub-industry of legal wrangling, chest puffing, and positively hallucinatory arguments of asserted authorship. Absuridty of the highest order.
As for me, things are moving along. Sweetie Tanya continues to move forward. In some ways, it's all golden. In some ways, shakey. Yet, the shakey things aren't about the quality of the work that's being done. I am still having casting issues, or might be. I'll know for certain tonight. I've stepped into the role of the Boss after holding auditions, offering the role to two people and those people having to turn it down for reasons either mundane or heartbreaking. I'm not prepared to enter the Equity waters at this stage of the production (Equity is the Stage Actor's Union for those of you not in the field), and I don't want to keep hunting endlessly for an actor when we should be rehearsing. So, unless a "Boss" falls into my lap (so to speak), I'll be performing in January. What this means, however, is that if I can't resolve this other casting issue by tonight, I need to look for another performer again. I can't step into both roles.
The lesson to be learned, boys and girls, is never to rehearse a show over the holidays.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Bang the head slowly
Good things, as a general rule, don't come easily.
"'Sweetie' Tanya" has the potential to be the best script I've developed, but getting it to the stage has turned into a logistical nightmare. I've hunted for actors, lost actors, found actors, lost more actors, and had more scheduling issues than I've ever experienced before. There are numerous reasons for this, not least of which includes the decision to do the show in January and thus rehearse during the holiday season.
Still, I've come close to closing shop of a couple of occasions. Each time, the problem has been resolved just before my frustration crossed into a mood of destruction and closure. Now that we've begun rehearsals, however, I am unlikely to go down without a fight. Listening to Dave Malloy work with the songs and with the performers, watching Kate Austin-Groen and Alexis Wong inhabit these characters, seeing the others move from wariness to joy and excitement over this very dark and strange script... it's a joy. I love the rehearsal process, but my love of producing dwindles by the day.
I've been in talks with directors about future projects, but at this point I seriously doubt my stamina for another project in the near future.
No matter what happens, I'll continue to produce Radiostar, which posted its 100th improv show last week.
"'Sweetie' Tanya" has the potential to be the best script I've developed, but getting it to the stage has turned into a logistical nightmare. I've hunted for actors, lost actors, found actors, lost more actors, and had more scheduling issues than I've ever experienced before. There are numerous reasons for this, not least of which includes the decision to do the show in January and thus rehearse during the holiday season.
Still, I've come close to closing shop of a couple of occasions. Each time, the problem has been resolved just before my frustration crossed into a mood of destruction and closure. Now that we've begun rehearsals, however, I am unlikely to go down without a fight. Listening to Dave Malloy work with the songs and with the performers, watching Kate Austin-Groen and Alexis Wong inhabit these characters, seeing the others move from wariness to joy and excitement over this very dark and strange script... it's a joy. I love the rehearsal process, but my love of producing dwindles by the day.
I've been in talks with directors about future projects, but at this point I seriously doubt my stamina for another project in the near future.
No matter what happens, I'll continue to produce Radiostar, which posted its 100th improv show last week.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
effects of change
I went to the most unusual audition today. It's for a film, and they asked people to bring in true life monologues. Nothing from plays, just come in and tell a story on camera. They filmed the auditions, and filmed them in groups of three so that they could get a sense of how you listen as well as how you speak. I was in the second group, but arrived an hour early due to extremely light traffic. I had brought my own set of headshots with me, as I'm still looking for three men for Sweetie Tanya.
I told an amalgamation of kidney stone stories, which had the desired effect of being amusing and horrifying in equal measures. Indeed, the stories from all the people in the second group were a sweet and sour mix of the goofy and the horrifying. I wish I had been in the first group as well, just to hear people telling their tales.
I get a bit spoiled, I suppose, as we do this sort of thing at the beginning of each Radiostar session. We tell true stories, based on a word or idea culled from someone in attendance. It's a good exercise, and the stories are often so compelling that Chris has often spoke of taking them and making them a podcast of their own.
I think it would be a good party game... to tell people not to bring food or drink, but a story to share, and to share them throughout the evening.
Most of the rest of this weekend was spent relaxing and working on Tanya. I had a fantastic meeting with our choreographer (Tonya Amos), and discovered some crucial things about how Nolan Cook's music will play into the piece. I also met an auditioner, who has become one of our Coffee Crush Chorus. I have an entire stack of old headshots of actors who will be getting emails from me tomorrow, hopefully ending my casting period.
But tonight was spent watching Doctor Zhivago. It's a long movie, but epic and gorgeous. I'd always heard of the film, but never seen it before tonight. Oddly enough, I am also nearing the end of a memoir about growing up during the Cultural Revolution in China. The book is called "Spider Eaters". The book and the movie bounce off each other in interesting ways, as both ultimately detail what it is to move as an individual through a revolution that denies the validity of individual meaning and experience. Both also heartbreakingly describe what happened to private homes and gardens that were gutted, over occupied and ruined during the revolution. In the film we see Zhivago's home, as he returns from the war, occupied by thirteen families and himself treated like an intruder. In the book, we learn of the author's grandmother, whose home was taken over by many families of the people, while she, old and suffering from diabetes, was stuffed into the pantry and left there for her last five years.
It's a quandry. Massive social change by its very nature requires the suffering of individuals. Yet, in the case of both these historical episodes... the change, for all its idealism, hurt the very people it claimed to serve and truly benefitted only those with a need for power. It seems to me that the moment that idealism loses sight of its impact on the individual, it becomes little more than a new tool of oppression. On the other side, there is a line from the film that gives me pause. "I told myself it was beneath my dignity for arresting a man for pilfering firewood. But nothing ordered by the party is beneath the dignity of any man, and the party was right: one man desperate for a bit of fuel is pathetic; five million people desperate for a bit of fuel will destroy a city."
But then again, what created the situation where five million people would be desperate for fuel?
I told an amalgamation of kidney stone stories, which had the desired effect of being amusing and horrifying in equal measures. Indeed, the stories from all the people in the second group were a sweet and sour mix of the goofy and the horrifying. I wish I had been in the first group as well, just to hear people telling their tales.
I get a bit spoiled, I suppose, as we do this sort of thing at the beginning of each Radiostar session. We tell true stories, based on a word or idea culled from someone in attendance. It's a good exercise, and the stories are often so compelling that Chris has often spoke of taking them and making them a podcast of their own.
I think it would be a good party game... to tell people not to bring food or drink, but a story to share, and to share them throughout the evening.
Most of the rest of this weekend was spent relaxing and working on Tanya. I had a fantastic meeting with our choreographer (Tonya Amos), and discovered some crucial things about how Nolan Cook's music will play into the piece. I also met an auditioner, who has become one of our Coffee Crush Chorus. I have an entire stack of old headshots of actors who will be getting emails from me tomorrow, hopefully ending my casting period.
But tonight was spent watching Doctor Zhivago. It's a long movie, but epic and gorgeous. I'd always heard of the film, but never seen it before tonight. Oddly enough, I am also nearing the end of a memoir about growing up during the Cultural Revolution in China. The book is called "Spider Eaters". The book and the movie bounce off each other in interesting ways, as both ultimately detail what it is to move as an individual through a revolution that denies the validity of individual meaning and experience. Both also heartbreakingly describe what happened to private homes and gardens that were gutted, over occupied and ruined during the revolution. In the film we see Zhivago's home, as he returns from the war, occupied by thirteen families and himself treated like an intruder. In the book, we learn of the author's grandmother, whose home was taken over by many families of the people, while she, old and suffering from diabetes, was stuffed into the pantry and left there for her last five years.
It's a quandry. Massive social change by its very nature requires the suffering of individuals. Yet, in the case of both these historical episodes... the change, for all its idealism, hurt the very people it claimed to serve and truly benefitted only those with a need for power. It seems to me that the moment that idealism loses sight of its impact on the individual, it becomes little more than a new tool of oppression. On the other side, there is a line from the film that gives me pause. "I told myself it was beneath my dignity for arresting a man for pilfering firewood. But nothing ordered by the party is beneath the dignity of any man, and the party was right: one man desperate for a bit of fuel is pathetic; five million people desperate for a bit of fuel will destroy a city."
But then again, what created the situation where five million people would be desperate for fuel?
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Meta
The lovely and talented Slackmistress commented earlier this week about blog readership, content, and presumed gender roles. Seeing as how I haven't been posting a lot lately, and when I have been it's usually all about projects and whatnot, and not about my inner emotional turmoils, it made me think about my own blogging history. Back when I first began writing an online journal in 1997, I was very emotionally transparent. I wrote as much about matters of the heart as anything else. In the last few years, I've made a very conscious decision to keep my entries more tied to information about actions than meditations on feelings.
My reason for doing so was largely because of how the online culture has evolved. The development of Livejournal and similar communities where there is no shortage of people willing to open a vein for the world to see led to to reconsider the value of my old writing style. The rise of emo music, and an entire subculture that seemed to scream "look at me! I'm in pain! Look! LOOK!!" caused a reaction in me that continues.
Maybe it's also that I'm just getting older. My personal sadness and frustrations seem much less important than they did back then. I remember telling Joseph once that I was a bit more emotionally guarded than I used to be, and he laughed and said that a guarded Dan was still way more emotionally open than any other male. Still, as the years have gone by I'm definitely emotionally much less open than I was when that crack was made.
So, is it "ok" for women to be emotionally revealing in their blogs while men can talk about politics and robots and video games? I don't really subscribe to gender roles in most matters, let alone this one. But I know that I'm less and less interested in emotional exhibitionism.
And I want to go on the record that Slack is not an emotional exhibitionist. She's actually been extremely controlled with what she puts out there, but also brutally honest. I just found it an interesting question.
My reason for doing so was largely because of how the online culture has evolved. The development of Livejournal and similar communities where there is no shortage of people willing to open a vein for the world to see led to to reconsider the value of my old writing style. The rise of emo music, and an entire subculture that seemed to scream "look at me! I'm in pain! Look! LOOK!!" caused a reaction in me that continues.
Maybe it's also that I'm just getting older. My personal sadness and frustrations seem much less important than they did back then. I remember telling Joseph once that I was a bit more emotionally guarded than I used to be, and he laughed and said that a guarded Dan was still way more emotionally open than any other male. Still, as the years have gone by I'm definitely emotionally much less open than I was when that crack was made.
So, is it "ok" for women to be emotionally revealing in their blogs while men can talk about politics and robots and video games? I don't really subscribe to gender roles in most matters, let alone this one. But I know that I'm less and less interested in emotional exhibitionism.
And I want to go on the record that Slack is not an emotional exhibitionist. She's actually been extremely controlled with what she puts out there, but also brutally honest. I just found it an interesting question.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Quiet time
I've been hibernating for the most part. After "the incident" I just stayed indoors for a few days. I did some office work on Tuesday and was able to think clearly enough to work from home all day on Wednesday. We're under a bit of a deadline, so I didn't feel good lounging, and I knew that if I went into the office I wouldn't get my work done. People from work have been *incredibly* supportive, bringing over food after work and during lunch breaks and generally being extra kind. When I did go in on Thursday, a large portion of my day was spent rehashing what had happened so far. I've worked the story down into a very concise monolgue by now.
I meant to work on Friday, but I first needed to in and get my eyes examined and get new glasses. It's been years since I had this done and forgot about what happens when they dialate your eyes. My day was pretty much shot as soon as they put the stoner drops in. I had no control over my ability to focus for the next several hours. I had cartoon character pupils, which made actually choosing frames a bit of a challenge. I felt fortunate I could see well enough to pick up the frames and try them on, let alone decide what looked best on me.
After several years of practically invisible semi-rimless glasses, I decided to go for the full on hipster-geek glasses. If I'm going to make a change and go around with my hair dyed white, I might as well go all the way, right? The problem, however, is that it takes a week and a half to get said glasses back from Kaiser, so I've been squinting, straining my eyes, exhausting my brain and generally not seeing well ever since then.
That said, I was able to see well enough when the police came by on Saturday with some photographs for me to look at.
They caught them.
It seems that there were other victims that night, and one of them got in a car with their sibling and drove around until they saw the thugs and then called the cops and let them know where they were. Absolutely brilliant. I only saw one of them clearly, but was able to give a fairly certain identification based on the photographs. Whether I'll be called in to testify or not remains to be seen, but the fact that one of the victims decided to go out and nail these guys is inspirational. Another victim, however, was apparantly hospitalized. Again, I feel fortunate that they got me in a brightly lit intersection. that might have been me....
Since then it's mostly been staying in, watching movies, trying to read books and play Halo. I can't focus on my laptop too long or my eyes get totally unusable. Since I project on my wall at home, the image is enormous and much easier on my eyes, but even that is a strain. The new glasses come on Wednesday, though. I will be back to normal then, and I can't wait.
I meant to work on Friday, but I first needed to in and get my eyes examined and get new glasses. It's been years since I had this done and forgot about what happens when they dialate your eyes. My day was pretty much shot as soon as they put the stoner drops in. I had no control over my ability to focus for the next several hours. I had cartoon character pupils, which made actually choosing frames a bit of a challenge. I felt fortunate I could see well enough to pick up the frames and try them on, let alone decide what looked best on me.
After several years of practically invisible semi-rimless glasses, I decided to go for the full on hipster-geek glasses. If I'm going to make a change and go around with my hair dyed white, I might as well go all the way, right? The problem, however, is that it takes a week and a half to get said glasses back from Kaiser, so I've been squinting, straining my eyes, exhausting my brain and generally not seeing well ever since then.
That said, I was able to see well enough when the police came by on Saturday with some photographs for me to look at.
They caught them.
It seems that there were other victims that night, and one of them got in a car with their sibling and drove around until they saw the thugs and then called the cops and let them know where they were. Absolutely brilliant. I only saw one of them clearly, but was able to give a fairly certain identification based on the photographs. Whether I'll be called in to testify or not remains to be seen, but the fact that one of the victims decided to go out and nail these guys is inspirational. Another victim, however, was apparantly hospitalized. Again, I feel fortunate that they got me in a brightly lit intersection. that might have been me....
Since then it's mostly been staying in, watching movies, trying to read books and play Halo. I can't focus on my laptop too long or my eyes get totally unusable. Since I project on my wall at home, the image is enormous and much easier on my eyes, but even that is a strain. The new glasses come on Wednesday, though. I will be back to normal then, and I can't wait.
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