grouch

I think I need to change some gears somewhere. I went to bed grouchy last night and woke up cantankerous.

Objectively, I can understand it. I've had a lot of frustrations lately, most of which of an organizational nature, but also some of an artistic origin. Last minute reschedules that throw a carefully balanced day out of whack and even threaten to scuttle the work of a half dozen people, too many things on the same day so that I barely see the sun, hours spent reviewing material that ultimately isn't fruitful... it's not wonder I'm a bit cumudgeony. Still, I look at my behavior, and my mood, and know that I could be handling things more gracefully.

I'm too invested, if such a thing make sense. I take my own challenges and frustrations too much to heart. I feel responsible for everything, so when I encounter an obstacle to things working properly I feel that it's my fault or my job to make it right immediately. When people behave in a way that upsets my sense of order, or courtesy, I seethe but attempt to maintain a politic front because I feel that venting my spleen will damage the work.

My world is becoming very narcissistic. I have the power to make it work, or I have the power to destroy it all. This is making for a very grouchy Dan. Also a hypocritical one, at least artistically, as I had pointed out to me last night after Radiostar.

June and July are supposed to be my vacation months, but I'm not feeling particularly refreshed right now. Ironically, I have a lot of things to be happy about. The Sweetie Tanya CD is coming along nicely, and in truth Steve Kahn is the mastermind behind making it all work right now. As producer, most of what I've been doing is trying to assist with scheduling and people wrangling to make sure that the work can get done smoothly. The new animated version of Radiostar is eagerly embraced, and I really enjoy doing them. The short piece I've agreed to direct for the Fringe Festival in September is half cast (as opposed to half-caste, which would be a whole different kettle of fish) with my first choices, and the script is shaping up nicely.

But despite it all, I'm feeling surly.

I need to re-embrace the idea of vacation in July, and find the fun again.

Video made sweet love to the Radiostar

Confession of ignorance

So, I just read this article that talks about the different ways that the concept of free speech is handled in the U.S. and in Canada, with Canada being much more like the rest of the planet in advocating for limited free speech.

In particular, hate language is illegal.

If I felt we could actually trust the courts and the government to prosecute hate speech in a responsible manner, I'd probably fall a bit closer on the European/Canadian spectrum. I don't trust them, however, and so I end up in the "absolute free speech" camp.

And yet, what I don't understand is how first amendment rights merge with slander and libel laws. It seems to be that some of the statements made in the magazine in question (what, you haven't read the article yet? Go read it and then come back here) would be considered libelous. Does libel only count if you specify a particular person, as opposed to an entire religion or race?

I honestly don't know, but it does seem odd to me that you can't say true things about an individual that damage their reputation but you can say untrue things about a community that damages their credibility, standing, and even safety.

Or is my understanding of the libel and slander laws woefully shoddy?

My god, I'm political

I just made Obama's home page my "start" page in Safari.

This decision came after watching an edited version of a 2006 speech about religious diversity that David Austin-Groen had on his feed, and edited highlights of Obama's speech on the economy on CNN.

I realized that I want to watch the totality of these speeches, not just media determined highlights. I don't trust the news to fairly represent the issues, especially after seeing that a companion piece to the Obama speech was a snippit of McCain saying he'd "veto every beer..bill" in a speech. The man tripped over a word, for crying out loud. That's not news, and it doesn't deserve to be linked to Obama's speech about the economy.

I can already tell that McCain is not the man for me in the white house, militarily or economically. But I want to hear what they have to say, and not be distracted by the news media's three ring circus.

Is that too much to ask?

Sex in the City

I'm afraid I need to see your driver's license before we bang.

oh. You're from New York City?

I'll call you a cab.

Not for You

I got some mail today from the Legislative Black Caucus Foundation, Inc.

At first I was a bit surprised, but then I thought that it might be something about policy, or about Obama, or any number of things going on in my community. After all, there's no reason why the LBCF shouldn't contact me, just because I'm whiter than 80's Hair Metal.

So I open it up and find that it's a flier for a "Health Summit on Diabetes and Obesity: a growing epidemic among California's minority communities."

Hrm. Not really for me, as I am neither in danger of diabetes or obesity. I am a minority in my community, which is largely Chinese and african american, but I don't think that's what they are referring to. I wonder if every person in Oakland got the flyer, or if I should be expecting more erroneously targeted flyers to appear in my mailbox?

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It's a slow work week. I've been doing lots of photoshop batch jobs, and lots and lots of uploading to servers, but at the moment, I'm mostly waiting for the deluge to begin. It'll be crazy for a few months straight, starting next week, but for now.... all is quiet on the Oakland Front.

So, considering how much I've been hearing about the housing market going to hell, I thought I'd see what I could afford. I love where I live, and have no burning desire to move, but if rates are super low right now, it would be irresponsible to see if there was a way out of the rent market.

I tried a few online rates calculators and established that with what I have in the bank for a down payment, and what I am comfortable paying monthly on loans/mortgage...I can afford property that costs around $200,000. In short, I can live out in the middle of the central valley, or in the absolute poorest neighborhoods of Oakland and Richmond. I'd be a home owner, though! Or at least a condo owner!

Of course, I'd have to give up my hardwood floors, tall ceilings, claw foot tub, two blocks from BART, top floor with no one walking on your head apartment.

I'll stay put for now. I'll check again in six months and see if things have gotten significantly worse/better by then.

Windy

It's a curious week for me. WestEd work is slow, so I'm getting caught up on a lot of small issues and maintenance.

This also means cleaning up the home office a bit. My computer is processing gigs and gigs of raw photoshop documents, which means I can email, do some web stuff, and other tasks, but not audio editing, video work, or other photoshop work. My job has therefore been to dink around and occasionally swap the DVDs out.

One of the things I've turned up was my old journal from my trip to Dublin, Ireland. It's always interesting to look back at things like this, and I gave it a quick scan. My mood fluctuated a lot during that week, and I wrote some truly awful sonnets.

Awful.

I would be tempted to just transcribe and toss the paper journal, except for the scrawls made in it by the drunk in the pub where I met Sandra and Catia, the Norwegian and Swiss who wrote in it as well, and of course, the little phrases and pictures that Sandra and Catia themselves wrote.

It's kind of a cliche, but it's still true. Travel changes you. I walked out of Ireland with a slew of experiences and a dear friend. Also a bunch of really bad poetry. Did I mention the bad poetry?

I went out to Chicago last weekend. The genesis of the trip was in talking with my friend Debbie, and deciding that the week after we closed Sweetie Tanya would be an excellent time for me to get away from things for a bit. Also, it was her birthday, so that made it an even better deal. I've now been to Chicago twice since my old Seminary days and I still have a deep affection for the city, even if my original time there was filled with struggle.

There's a feel to the city that I just really, really like. I love the midwest comfort food, the brickwork everywhere, the no bullshit attitude of the people I meet, and the fact that we couldn't walk five blocks without coming across a storefront theatre. This is a town that embraces its arts in a way that we just don't see in the Bay Area. Some people coo at babies. I coo at young theatre companies.

While in the Windy City, I drank too much, ate too much, slept too much and had a splendid time. I saw an innovative but mediocre show and an utterly brilliant one, and the two were in the same theatre complex in Evanston. Yep, the two shows I saw weren't even in Chicago proper. The brilliant one, however, featured one of the improv comics that had couch surfed with me back during the SF Improv Festival. I hadn't originally planned to meet up with any of the Storybox improv folks, but a last minute inspiration paid off with an excellent show.

I returned to Oakland with a slew of things on my to-do list, meetings to attend, and projects to pursue. I haven't made as much project as I should for mostly social reasons, and the schedule packing will continue through next week. Still, I continue to hope to get the 411 screenplay (first draft) done by the end of June.

This makes it sound like the trip didn't change me. That was a theme I was developing and didn't follow through on. Truth be told, it's not always immediately clear how that change will manifest. The most obvious thing is that I desperately craved alone time when I got back. I had a fantastic time, but I had virtually no alone time during the whole trip. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I got home. I have a strong introvert side, and it's easy to forget that when I'm in my regular rhythms.

Also, I was constantly tired while I was away. That was partly jetlag, partly the excess of beer and food, but also the exhaustion of the previous months settling in on me. I have a lot going on, but I don't have the pervasive deadlines right now. Things get done when they get done. Earlier is better, but we aren't racing to meet an opening night or any other such thing. So, the coils of tension in my shoulders are unwinding... and I am so very tired as a result.

I'm waking up more and more, each day, but it took a bit.

Interim

I have several things I could post about, and I will eventually. But I was searching for an image of "failure" for a project, and I found this video.



The Stupiest Woman In The World - video powered by Metacafe

Clearly, our hope must be in future generations, cause it sure as hell ain't in the current one.