I got an email from an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a few years. She's working for a real estate developer now, and they're pre-selling condos over at Jack London Square. Not exactly where I want to live, but I looked over the prices and floorplans and felt a pull in my gut.
To own or rent, that is the question.
I looked into condos a few years back and just flat out couldn't afford it. I feel a bit stretched for cash right now as well, but that's because I'm still paying off Manumission, gearing up for Vagina Dentata, maintaining the rehearsal room, and just got back from Italy. It isn't that I'm not making enough money to save up for a down payment, but that I'm spending it all.
I struggle with this every now and then. To lay low for a few years and get a place of my own, or to throw everything I have into my art. This email today, it set me off again. Why not dedicate my efforts to getting *other people* to produce my work, to make the financial investments, to take the risk?
Why not, indeed?
It comes down to the simple fact that I'm not much of a businessman. I don't want to find, organize, gather, and account for money. I have it, so I spend it, and hopefully I make most of it back. That's the amount of financial acumen I possess. Everything else in my brain goes towards the art. Fulfilling, but not very efficient.
So, fine. I need to change patterns. Change behaviors. But when? How?
Hey all you crazy cats out there. Who wants to be my business manager?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Talk to the Baby
I'm in a weird state. Part of it is irregular sleep, I think. My boss commented yesterday that I looked tired, but today I feel it. Not to surprising, as I couldn't fall asleep last night and then woke up a few times. Dreams. I had a baby, and even though it was only a day or two old, managed to speak in a kind of barely understandable gibberish. As disturbing as this should have been, I was happy about it because at least I was able to relate to it and it could communicate with me. I woke up confused as to why I would feel good about the baby at all, but finally was able to pin down the communication issue as being what I felt so good about in the dream.
I'm not entirely sure what it means, but it was striking enough for me to remember before finally getting back to sleep again. The most obvious and literal key might be Squeaks' and Curmudgeon's baby shower last Saturday, but that's not the heart of it.
It may relate to a series of missed connections I've had recently. I was supposed to see a client, and then maybe meet up with Feathers and The Archivist afterwards, but the BART delay was enough to cause me to throw my hands in frustration after an hour of sitting at the 12th St station and cancel all my plans for the evening. It worked out nicely because I used the evening to edit another RadioStar episode, which puts me a week ahead of schedule, but it was frustrating as well.
I've been trying to meet up with Shutterbug for the last week and have been having a lot of difficulty there as well. I need to get hold of a lot of people, actually. I've finally given up trying to reach an actor I had in mind for a role in Vagina Dentata, and I really want to get that role re-cast before I tackle the new draft of the script. Of course, this may just be an excuse to avoid doing the work. I hate doing subsequent drafts.
I need to work on the novel, too. But the Firefly DVDs were too enticing last night, after I had finished the RadioStar episode.
I'm also working on transferring web servers on some of my websites, and experiencing glitches here and there. More communication problems.
So yeah, missed connections, absent friends, calls not returned, plans changed or abandoned, and so forth. I'm not sleeping properly and am tired all the time. Not eating all that well either. I'm creating and creating and collaborating and birthing projects here and there, but communication is always a problem. It's either blockages in my own soul, or crossed signals out in the world.
Still.... the image of a babbling newborn is still a bit freaky to the wakeful mind.
I'm not entirely sure what it means, but it was striking enough for me to remember before finally getting back to sleep again. The most obvious and literal key might be Squeaks' and Curmudgeon's baby shower last Saturday, but that's not the heart of it.
It may relate to a series of missed connections I've had recently. I was supposed to see a client, and then maybe meet up with Feathers and The Archivist afterwards, but the BART delay was enough to cause me to throw my hands in frustration after an hour of sitting at the 12th St station and cancel all my plans for the evening. It worked out nicely because I used the evening to edit another RadioStar episode, which puts me a week ahead of schedule, but it was frustrating as well.
I've been trying to meet up with Shutterbug for the last week and have been having a lot of difficulty there as well. I need to get hold of a lot of people, actually. I've finally given up trying to reach an actor I had in mind for a role in Vagina Dentata, and I really want to get that role re-cast before I tackle the new draft of the script. Of course, this may just be an excuse to avoid doing the work. I hate doing subsequent drafts.
I need to work on the novel, too. But the Firefly DVDs were too enticing last night, after I had finished the RadioStar episode.
I'm also working on transferring web servers on some of my websites, and experiencing glitches here and there. More communication problems.
So yeah, missed connections, absent friends, calls not returned, plans changed or abandoned, and so forth. I'm not sleeping properly and am tired all the time. Not eating all that well either. I'm creating and creating and collaborating and birthing projects here and there, but communication is always a problem. It's either blockages in my own soul, or crossed signals out in the world.
Still.... the image of a babbling newborn is still a bit freaky to the wakeful mind.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Groovy link
Time for the meme to move forward.
A friend posted about this and now I share it with you. It's a timeline of everything that has happened since the dawn of creation... According to movies. It's incomplete obviously, but knowing the anal retentive nature of film geeks worldwide, I don't doubt that it won't be that long before this thing becomes a beautiful monstrosity.
http://www.paulkerensa.com/movietimeline/
In other news, the new RadioStar podcast is up and running (as people who subscribe to the RSS feed to this site already know).
Other than that, it's mostly "Same old, same old". I've had several plans cancelled out on me lately, which means I've gotten to relax a bit, take care of business here and there and watch my recently purchased copy of Firefly. I'm very late getting on this bandwagon, but even so... that's one damn good show.
A friend posted about this and now I share it with you. It's a timeline of everything that has happened since the dawn of creation... According to movies. It's incomplete obviously, but knowing the anal retentive nature of film geeks worldwide, I don't doubt that it won't be that long before this thing becomes a beautiful monstrosity.
http://www.paulkerensa.com/movietimeline/
In other news, the new RadioStar podcast is up and running (as people who subscribe to the RSS feed to this site already know).
Other than that, it's mostly "Same old, same old". I've had several plans cancelled out on me lately, which means I've gotten to relax a bit, take care of business here and there and watch my recently purchased copy of Firefly. I'm very late getting on this bandwagon, but even so... that's one damn good show.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Restless
I really don't want to be in the office today.
Sure, it's Monday. Of course I don't want to be here at my desk, waiting for something to go horribly wrong for someone else so that I can go and fix it. But it's not that. I want to be at home, chilling on the couch, writing. I want to be revising the Vagina Dentata script, and working on the novel. I want to be editing this week's RadioStar episode. I want to be doing *my* stuff... and the weekend went by so very, very quickly.
I'm spoiled, I know. But that doesn't change the restlessness. It doesn't change the wanting.
I want to be selfish with my time and energy, but there are bills to pay.
Sure, it's Monday. Of course I don't want to be here at my desk, waiting for something to go horribly wrong for someone else so that I can go and fix it. But it's not that. I want to be at home, chilling on the couch, writing. I want to be revising the Vagina Dentata script, and working on the novel. I want to be editing this week's RadioStar episode. I want to be doing *my* stuff... and the weekend went by so very, very quickly.
I'm spoiled, I know. But that doesn't change the restlessness. It doesn't change the wanting.
I want to be selfish with my time and energy, but there are bills to pay.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
what we might become
I saw "V for Vendetta" with Guarded Goddess and another friend last night. A lot of folks are seeing it tonight, but I'll be seeing Dark Princess' new show then.
I quite liked the film, although I haven't read the book yet (shocking, I know) and I was deeply disturbed by the film's seeming assent to "V"s treatment of Evie.
But that's not what I want to talk about.
Afterwards, we got thai food and talked about the film. Guarded Goddess had read a lot of articles and reviews of the film that were shocked and appalled at the film's insensitivity to the victims of terrorist attack, to it's unfriendly attitude towards Americans, and the clear references to post 9/11 culture (both American and British... but mostly American). I suppose it is to be expected, but it still bothers me.
In so many ways, this film is a warning. "We can become this. In some ways we already have. Don't let this happen." If there is a single message here, this is it. Of course, there is no single message in this film, but I think you see my point. It frightens me that people would see this film, which is literally screaming at them to do whatever it takes to prevent despotism and terror in the name of "safety" and "morality" from destroying us... and they complain that the film is insensitive, whine about it being critical and angry at America, and howl that it portrays the government unflatteringly.
After 9/11, I talked to friends from other countries, places that deal with terrorism and bombs and violence every day. They are strong. They face it with understanding and a willingness to explore the reasons for the violence and address those reasons. They find the ability to laugh, and aren't worried about being offended because people choose to dialog about it, or even find the black humor in it. It is part of the fabric of life to them. But Americans... we cower, we make excuses, we sign away our rights and the rights of others, we flinch at a stiff breeze, and we hide behind a flag the color of tears, blood, and fear.
It's about time we grew up and stop behaving like pampered, selfish, spoiled children.
I quite liked the film, although I haven't read the book yet (shocking, I know) and I was deeply disturbed by the film's seeming assent to "V"s treatment of Evie.
But that's not what I want to talk about.
Afterwards, we got thai food and talked about the film. Guarded Goddess had read a lot of articles and reviews of the film that were shocked and appalled at the film's insensitivity to the victims of terrorist attack, to it's unfriendly attitude towards Americans, and the clear references to post 9/11 culture (both American and British... but mostly American). I suppose it is to be expected, but it still bothers me.
In so many ways, this film is a warning. "We can become this. In some ways we already have. Don't let this happen." If there is a single message here, this is it. Of course, there is no single message in this film, but I think you see my point. It frightens me that people would see this film, which is literally screaming at them to do whatever it takes to prevent despotism and terror in the name of "safety" and "morality" from destroying us... and they complain that the film is insensitive, whine about it being critical and angry at America, and howl that it portrays the government unflatteringly.
After 9/11, I talked to friends from other countries, places that deal with terrorism and bombs and violence every day. They are strong. They face it with understanding and a willingness to explore the reasons for the violence and address those reasons. They find the ability to laugh, and aren't worried about being offended because people choose to dialog about it, or even find the black humor in it. It is part of the fabric of life to them. But Americans... we cower, we make excuses, we sign away our rights and the rights of others, we flinch at a stiff breeze, and we hide behind a flag the color of tears, blood, and fear.
It's about time we grew up and stop behaving like pampered, selfish, spoiled children.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Censorship
When I heard about laws being past for fines on anything that the government deems to be "indecent" I knew that we were in trouble. After years and years of the government being unable to clamp down on "obscenity", they've gotten smart enough to just change terms on us. "Indecent".
Well, the ramifications have already come out. The WB has already started editing their programs out of fears of getting fined.
Full article is at the New York Times website, although you'll need to register to read it.
And what are they editing out? What is "indecent"? Well, two girls kissing in a bar. That's indecent, apparently. I get the impression that if it was a man and a woman kissing in a bar, that would be fine.
Also, there is a shot of a girl unbuttoning her jeans that is also being cut. The article doesn't state anything along the lines of seeing so much as underwear, but the very act of unbuttoning is "indecent."
The FCC fined CBS affiliates $3.6 million dollars for broadcasting an episode of "Without a trace" because there were scenes in the show about teenagers having sex. Again, no comments about nudity... just because they were teenagers having sex.
Now, this isn't about prurience in entertainment. This is about what our government is declaring "bad", "wrong" and "indecent."
Non-heterosexual sex is indecent. Kids having sex is indecent. This is the same ideology that prevents safe sex education in schools. Kids having sex? Just because their bodies are *screaming* for sexual activity at that age is no reason to think that they're actually *having* sex. We shouldn't think about it. We shouldn't educate them about it. We shouldn't address it, or portray it in our entertainment. And girls don't kiss girls, and if they do we don't see it because it's indecent. La la la la la la, I can't hear you!
Every day this government closes its collective eyes and mind a little more. The question of whether art reflects life or life reflects art will be irrelevant, as life and art will have less and less relation to each other and art becomes simply a pacification and propaganda tool for people who want to tell everyone else how to live. The stuff of life is indecent.
So says the FCC.
Well, the ramifications have already come out. The WB has already started editing their programs out of fears of getting fined.
Full article is at the New York Times website, although you'll need to register to read it.
And what are they editing out? What is "indecent"? Well, two girls kissing in a bar. That's indecent, apparently. I get the impression that if it was a man and a woman kissing in a bar, that would be fine.
Also, there is a shot of a girl unbuttoning her jeans that is also being cut. The article doesn't state anything along the lines of seeing so much as underwear, but the very act of unbuttoning is "indecent."
The FCC fined CBS affiliates $3.6 million dollars for broadcasting an episode of "Without a trace" because there were scenes in the show about teenagers having sex. Again, no comments about nudity... just because they were teenagers having sex.
Now, this isn't about prurience in entertainment. This is about what our government is declaring "bad", "wrong" and "indecent."
Non-heterosexual sex is indecent. Kids having sex is indecent. This is the same ideology that prevents safe sex education in schools. Kids having sex? Just because their bodies are *screaming* for sexual activity at that age is no reason to think that they're actually *having* sex. We shouldn't think about it. We shouldn't educate them about it. We shouldn't address it, or portray it in our entertainment. And girls don't kiss girls, and if they do we don't see it because it's indecent. La la la la la la, I can't hear you!
Every day this government closes its collective eyes and mind a little more. The question of whether art reflects life or life reflects art will be irrelevant, as life and art will have less and less relation to each other and art becomes simply a pacification and propaganda tool for people who want to tell everyone else how to live. The stuff of life is indecent.
So says the FCC.
Fire on a Boat
I had an acquaintance over last night for a short private lesson on how to use Flash. She's another actor/director/producer that I worked on a short film with last year. The film will never see the light of day, sadly. I had written the script and performed in it, and was supposed to get the footage from the director for editing, but haven't heard from her in months. I found out last night that the footage was, apparently, total crap and the director was not happy *at all* with it. Ah well. That explains that, and so much for the short film "Code of silence". Fortunately, it would be an easy script to put on stage, so I can use it for über-short script competitions.
I showed her the old version of this site and she was bummed that I was no longer doing the Flash thing, as she loved the cartoon Dans. I think that part of this is coming from a general desire to streamline and simplify my life, and maintaining and adding to that Flash interface was just too much of a pain. At least that's why I think the compulsion hit me to go for something simple and clean. It may just be a form of procrastination to keep me from all the things I'm *supposed* to be doing, though.
On a totally different note, I saw the news articles about the fire on a cruise ship. Big headline. A quick glance makes it look like an inferno on the high seas. Reading the article I see that it looks like some git lit a fire in his cabin, a couple of people had a lot of smoke inhalation, and someone had a heart attack from the alarms and exit procedures on the ship. How many fires are there that we never hear about? Millions. But this one was on a boat! Titanic II! It's a disaster film in the making! Get Samuel L. Jackson!
This is a common thing with the news media, but it still irks me. Important news stories seem to get lost, while sensationalistic minor things like this get pushed into major importance. I could rant about how all this simply distracts us from what's important and keeps us from focusing our energy on really doing something important... but that's rather the point, isn't it?
I showed her the old version of this site and she was bummed that I was no longer doing the Flash thing, as she loved the cartoon Dans. I think that part of this is coming from a general desire to streamline and simplify my life, and maintaining and adding to that Flash interface was just too much of a pain. At least that's why I think the compulsion hit me to go for something simple and clean. It may just be a form of procrastination to keep me from all the things I'm *supposed* to be doing, though.
On a totally different note, I saw the news articles about the fire on a cruise ship. Big headline. A quick glance makes it look like an inferno on the high seas. Reading the article I see that it looks like some git lit a fire in his cabin, a couple of people had a lot of smoke inhalation, and someone had a heart attack from the alarms and exit procedures on the ship. How many fires are there that we never hear about? Millions. But this one was on a boat! Titanic II! It's a disaster film in the making! Get Samuel L. Jackson!
This is a common thing with the news media, but it still irks me. Important news stories seem to get lost, while sensationalistic minor things like this get pushed into major importance. I could rant about how all this simply distracts us from what's important and keeps us from focusing our energy on really doing something important... but that's rather the point, isn't it?
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Dan Wilson Show 3.0
First there was "Random Acts of Inspiration" and then it was the fancy Flash version of the Dan Wilson Show, but I think I want to slim things down a bit and make it all a bit cleaner, and more simple. I also want a more convenient way to make quick and dirty posts instead of feeling like I need to build every little damn thing myself.
I've been online journaling longer than there was a term like "blog" to describe it, and people thought I was nuts back in the day. I'm not nuts, I'm just cutting edge (for once).
So sit back and enjoy yourselves, folks. It's time for this phoenix to rise again.
I've been online journaling longer than there was a term like "blog" to describe it, and people thought I was nuts back in the day. I'm not nuts, I'm just cutting edge (for once).
So sit back and enjoy yourselves, folks. It's time for this phoenix to rise again.
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