Allergies

So, the last four months have been a bit of a sinus nightmare. Between the endless colds and allergies, I haven't known if I was coming or going. Kristi was convinced that my immune system was being worn down by a low level wheat allergy. I was less convinced, but it was certainly the worst spate of nose awfulness I'd had in a good LONG time.

So, today I got tested.

The good news is that I'm not allergic to wheat or dairy.

The bad news is that I'm allergic to almost everything else.

In particular: Bermuda Grass.

This shit is everywhere. I'm not botanist, but it looks like it's growing in my miniscule back yard. It's impossible to kill, as has a deep root system and will grow back from the tiniest bit of remains. I'm tempted to irradiate the soil.
It doesn't like shade, which would suggest maybe planting a tree. But what kind? More on that in a moment.

Perennial Rye Grass

I had the strongest reaction to this. It appears to be the standard suburban lawn. I.e the stuff that my parents made me mow every week. Bastards. Fortunately, it requires lots of water and maintenance, so I won't be finding it growing wild on my property. I may need to secretly pee all over my neighbor's lawns at night, though.

Lamb's Quarter

I don't think this is growing here, but I've seen some pics that look like the stuff growing in between the cracks in my walkway. Hard to say, though. It's edible, and a substitute for spinach. Now, I can't each spinach in large doses because of my kidney stones, and now it looks like I'm at war with the entire family!

English Plantain

Ok, I've never seen this. So that's fine. You keep your distance English Plantain, and I'll keep mine. Just remember, there's not enough room in this town for the both of us. I see you... I cut you.

Oak Tree

Oh crap. I live in OAK-LAND. Of course, this city pretty much deforested itself of all oaks decades ago, but still. CRAP! My floor is made of oak! That's it, if my floor starts to pollinate, I'm gonna get it replaced with cheap linoleum.
In any event, I need to stop licking my floor.

Olive Tree

Olive trees? Really? I like olives. And the trees look so cool. Well, so much for my trip to Jerusalem.

Walnut Tree

This is just getting ridiculous. Walnut trees? Really?

White Alder

Clearly, I need to go into a career in forestry.

Elm Trees

Ok, FINE. I will never go outdoors again. Are you happy now?

Western Sycamore


So basically I'm allergic to grass and trees. Yes, I'm fine with ragweed, house dust, acacia, cedar trees.... and dogs and cats.

Wait, I'm not allergic to cats? How is that possible? Unless.... unless... they've been out and about rolling in perennial rye and bermuda grass! Kaaaaahhhhnnnnn!

Still, good to know that if I get an indoor cat, I should be ok with it.